Funny Ways To Die Novels & Stories

Crystal countered back. I pursed my lips and shrugged. "I think the worst way to die is when you do not know about it. Like dying in one's sleep. You know when they're stabbed, butchered, jump off a plane, or are involved in an accident, they have that whole my-life-is-flashing-in-front-of-my-eyes moment but when they die of no cause at all, it's worse." They all stared at me like another head had sprouted out of the side of my neck like a blooming rose. "Damn," Crystal said. "That's kind of deep-ish."

That was probably the same look I gave him. “You know, drowning is the fourth most painful way to die.” She crinkles her nose in a slightly disgusted way, “What? No it isn’t.” I nod, “I’m pretty sure I read it in an article once.” She rolls her eyes, “Is this your way of telling me that it was foolish of me to try to kill myself and I should appreciate the true meaning of life?” She says in an over-the-top theatrical way that makes me smirk. “It isn’t and trust me it wouldn’t help if I did.”

Inside the casket, I couldn't tell night from day. Hunger eventually stripped away what was left of my sanity. I bit at the wood and clawed at the lid over and over, desperate to tear my way out, until every single one of my fingernails ripped completely off my fingers. The already thinning oxygen grew heavy with a suffocating, putrid stench as my own waste started piling. I didn't know how many days had passed when I finally died in agony.

There are ways of dying that do not end in funerals. Types of death you can not smell. -Unknown. |I R I S| I have heard so may times that your entire life flashes in front of your eyes when you are close to death. And, now when I stay right there, at the exact same point, I believe it.

Sometimes I bleed from my nose and can't make it stop. I research dying. Learn about hospice, about what happens to a body when the bone marrow fails, about how long it takes to drown in your own blood. Morbid, maybe. But educational. I make a plan. When it gets too bad, I'll check myself into a hospital under my maiden name, claim I have no family, and die quietly. They'll cremate me. Maybe scatter my ashes somewhere that doesn't matter. It seems fitting. I lived like I didn't matter. I'll die the same way.

Enough to want me dead. Staring death in the face, suddenly, questions circle in my brain — How does a chicken pee? Do they make mouse-flavored cat food? Do coffins have lifetime guarantees? How do you handcuff a one-armed man? If a Smurf chokes, what color does it turn? Can blind people see their dreams? Do penguins have knees? Does it hurt when you die? Either this is the ‘life flashing before your eyes’ thing, or dying means losing your mind. Weird.

“Why do you all want to die a painless death? You know it is never going to happen.” “The best thing I can do is to give just one person a painless death and the other rest will die a painful and anguish death.” I said to them. “Next!!!!!.” “I would want to be burnt to death.” The last one answer and I let out a creepy smile.” “This is the only one that want to die a painful and anguish death.” “I have seen my winner!!!” “Since you choose to die a painful death without being scared, I hereby offer you a painless death.”

Very big fucking NO Anshul jumped into the conversation like an enthusiastic kid to give his very decent opinion. "Ohh, I have so many amazing ideas like painting their body with my skilful knife art but there is one that I have been wanting to try for a long time, have you heard about the punishment in hell??" He paused for a few seconds to see Tabrez reaction who groaned visibly and then started again “That's the method of frying alive in boiling oil, that's damn tempting." "Yes, I also remember one and I also want to try it." how could Jagat stay behind.

That's exactly where I want him. “Who is there?” He asked. “Death!” I laughed then I stood up and sashayed out of the dark area. “Are you scared?” “Who are you?” He asked with a fierce look on his face. “Didn't I just tell you? I am death.” He pointed his gun at me and pulled the trigger but there was no fire. I had already removed the bullets in it when I entered his room. The best way to kill him is to make his death painful.

He saw me as nothing but an obstacle to his true love, desperate to be free of me. His friends immediately offered suggestions. Until one proposed an idea that had everyone eagerly anticipating the outcome. "I've got the perfect plan—Travis, you fake your death at the wedding. We'll livestream it and watch her break down completely, crying her eyes out!" After saying this, the person seemed to realize they'd gone too far and stopped talking.