Intrusive Thoughts Artinya Novels & Stories

>>>>>>“Incomplete bonds often result in emotional volatility, fixation, or destructive tendencies.” I stiffened. Fixation. The word sat heavy on the page. I scrolled further, heart thudding faster now, not because I believed it—but because some instinct deep in my chest didn’t like how neatly it fit other things. Not my love life......... ....... My art!. The way certain images came to me without warning. The way my hands sometimes moved faster than my thoughts. The way I painted things I didn’t remember imagining. I closed my eyes briefly and rubbed my forehead.

Tonight, it’s just me and my thoughts. “You did the right thing, Kath,” I whispered to myself as the intrusive thoughts start again. The thoughts were uncontrollable, they just come and go as if they have their own minds. But I could not just let them control me. I knew that if I let them take control of my own being, that wasn’t exactly living anymore. I’m an empty shell already… I can’t let them put lesions on my shell as if I have osteosarcoma.

But logic has no place in the burning inferno of my mind right now. I can’t help the ugly, dark thoughts slithering into my mind. The rest of the room fades away, reduced to background noise, irrelevant, meaningless. The intrusive thoughts take over my mind completely until there’s barely any sanity left. I want to cut that guy’s hand off. I want to make him suffer for daring to look at what’s mine. For daring to touch what’s mine. But he’s not really yours, is he? A sly voice whispers in my mind.

The questions swirled in my mind, fueling a sense of frustration and anger that threatened to consume me. With a clenched jaw, I turned my attention back to the work in front of me, determined to push aside the unwanted memories and focus on the task at hand. But try as I might, the images persisted, flashing before my eyes like a cruel taunt from the depths of my subconscious. It was maddening, this relentless assault on my senses, this intrusion into my private thoughts and desires. I had no control over the dreams that haunted me, no power to banish them from my mind.

A thought, never mind the bluish pain of thinking as such is the bride of September afternoon, or, ideas driving the good news back into wreck again. Ink, or, the hand’s decision to turn the key in the ignition. Who is coming? When a thought arrives, is delivered, the art of return is returned, the mossy silvereyes through the shrubbery repeat the panic, the fatal vomit creeping in, leaving him with two choices on his palm. A thought, or, a fatal error?

I’d be more concerned if he wasn’t jerking off. Ok, not concerned, he could be gay. Maybe insulted would be the right word. Which is really fucking weird, because he’s a teenager. I literally have to shake myself every time that my thoughts start to go that way. But it’s like those intrusive thoughts that people with ADHD get, it just pops up out of nowhere and there’s not a whole lot that you can do about it. Amelia has tried multiple times to talk about it, but Jacob freaks out, starts to shift and we’ve had to let him out of the car to go run it off.

Even the ones that are trying to make a point are going off key about it and I am seconds away from dismissing them all until I have calmed down enough to not rip out their throats one by one until all I hear is complete silence. I shove that violent thought away. I have been having these really weird intrusive thoughts lately. I don’t even know what to do with them but they keep coming back. I guess it is one of the reasons I am being extra impatient and irritable these days. The only time I feel right is when my mate is close and I can hold her, smell her, just simply be with her. I can’t wait to get back to her.

I try to piece the words apart then together again to make sense of them. “So, you’re like my thoughts?” I ask and I immediately feel myself shifting back, I’m standing straighter. “Intrusive thoughts?” I think of all the things that a little voice says in my head, most of the time contrary to what I’m thinking. Instead of being a part of me, it is like they are apart from me. Weirdly, it is the same kind of vibes I’m getting from this person but also different in a way.

Why did I let myself think of such a thrilling way to be caught so easily? "Explain now or I shall help my PA to relieve something, hmm?" His hand on my flank was giving me shivers down my spine, especially since his thumb gently traced my under breast. His other hand was on my neck, almost choking me. Like, choke me, daddy. Damn it! Why did I have these intrusive thoughts? Now was not the right time to think such that! Get yourself together, Cejay! I glanced at the mirror my front body was still pressed to it. Darn it! Why did I find it hot all of a sudden?

The thought of that doesn’t sound peaceful, it’s wrong, Disruptive but wrong. My chest tightens sharply and I stop breathing for a second too long. No! I force air into my lungs, each breath controlled, measured. As I Inhale again and hold before exhaling out. I press my thumb harder into my palm again until the sting cuts through the noise in my head. This is irrational. This attachment is spiraling into obsession. I don’t like that word, Obsession implies lack of control and i’m always in control. So why won’t my thoughts slow or obey!