Romans & histoires Things I Wanted To Say But Never Did

All I wanted was to feel nothing, to be completely indifferent, but instead, I'm stuck here, enduring the torment I brought upon myself, and it seems like I'll be stuck in this fiery agony forever. Damn it! There were so many things I wanted to say, but I couldn't. He was gone. Forever. And I never got the chance to make things right. It's like a twisted curse, always losing the people I actually give a damn about, right in front of my eyes.

That sometimes, I wished I could just fall apart and know someone would be there to gather the pieces. But the words didn’t come. So I kept them to myself. I don’t know how much longer I could keep holding in all the things I wanted to say.

The regrets came faster now, flooding through my dimming consciousness like water through a cracking dam. I wished I'd told my mom I loved her more. Called her more often instead of letting weeks pass between conversations, always too busy, always promising to visit soon. I wished I'd visited home more often, spent more time with my sister, listening to gossips. So many wishes, and not enough time left to make them count. There were so many things I'd left unsaid, undone. Plans I'd never get to fulfill. Dreams that would stay forever dreams.

He would humble himself as much as possible if it could win her back. Pain flickered in his eyes. He wanted nothing more than to kill himself as he remembered the horrible things he'd done. He clenched his fists tightly and rasped, "I'll do anything as long as you forgive me. I love you, I really do. I'd gouge my heart out to prove it to you if I could."

“Maybe it’s because I never had it, that I’m so afraid of losing it. But… but I did want it once.” ***

“The first being everything you missed out on in your childhood. Trips to the zoo, sledding, going to an arcade, games you’ve never gotten to play- anything you wanted to do as a kid that you never got to.” “And the second?” “Everything you’ve wanted to do as an adult, but your parents have stopped you from.” She says, giving a few examples when asked. “Like, going to a party, drinking. Maybe you wanted to do something dangerous, like skydiving or parasailing.” She shrugs. “And before you ask, the third is everything.” “Everything?”

All I can think, again and again, is… I don’t want this to be over.

Never Again 🌷 “Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you.

"That's gross, I can't even imagine that.Okay my turn, Never have I loved someone the way I love you..." "Never have I missed someone the way I miss you in my life..." Why did I say that? "Never have I wanted to kiss someone so bad..."She moved closer, our noses rubbing each other.I wanted to pull back but I was paralysed from neck down..I had the urge to kiss those lips hungrily and make love to her like never before.

A child ran past us with a small flame cupped in her hands, careful and proud. "Do you know how many people would want what you have right now?" His voice turned hard as he whispered. "People die with things they never said, never did, never tried. They die waiting for the right time and the right time never comes and they just—" He stopped. "They just end." I glared at the fire.