Two Blondes Walk Into A Bar Joke Novels & Stories

Rhysand. I stand behind the bar at my club and watch the dance floor. Two blondes are dancing together under the low, dim lights, wearing tight, skimpy dresses and grinding against each other with reckless abandon. Their hips sway in an off-tune beat and they’re well past tipsy, stumbling into each other and laughing their asses off. “Come on, handsome. Join us,” they giggle. A year ago, this scene would’ve pulled me in like a magnet. I’d flash a smile, pour them another round, and by closing time, both of them would sit in my car, heading back to the penthouse for a wild night.

"We went shopping in the middle of work, go to the bar in the afternoon, and danced until we forcefully dragged our bodies out....." "That sounds great!" "Yep. I know." "Oh my... oh my... don't boast yourself, okay?" "Someone's feeling jealous, huh?" "Hehe!! It's not very funny." "Glad, you smiled, though it's creepy." "You got me then." ...

"I'm just tired, and I need to rest." "Don't worry, I didn't hear that. I just got fucked by two men before bringing my hot ass down here. Can you believe that?" She nudged at my shoulder, laughing out loud. Benedict joined in the laughter, bending forward with one hand on the countertop, and the other hugging his abdomen. What the fuck were they laughing about? What's so funny about what she said? Since when did having a threesome become a joke? Not to look stupid among them, or to further insult the Asian I had already insulted, I joined in the laughter, clapping my hands together in a manner that made me look like a clowed idiot.

Girls in cages dance above the crowd, their movements synchronized to a beat that feels like a physical punch to my chest. “Am I right?” Julian shouts over the music, elbowing me. “Check out the blonde at ten o’clock. You think she’s into ‘Midnight Vengeance’?” “She’s out of your league, Julian. Everyone in this room is out of your league.” “Big talk from the guy who looks like he’s about to vomit,” Julian laughs. But then, he stops. His elbow digs into my ribs again, harder this time. “Wait. Ron. Look at the bar. Who the hell is that?”

"We're hoping you'll find it funny and entertaining. Nerius squawked in encouragement, causing me to smile. “Um, what did the Griffon say when he walked into the bar?” I asked. “What?” Szan asked. “Ouch.” Only the Fiery Lynxes found that funny. Yeah this was going to be pretty rough. One after another we went up and told our funniest jokes and yet there was nothing. Not a chitter, a chuckle or even a snort from the Griffons. We were becoming hopeless.

“Why can’t you see?!” “You belong with me- e- e!” “You belong with me!” The blonde in the backseat cackles, looking between the two women in the front seat as she comments, “You guys sound like dying seals!” She laughs, while the two scoff, sharing a look of deep offense. “Better than sounding like a donkey,” Leona retorts, mocking Violet’s laughter with a wheeze. Nadia snorts, slapping a hand over her mouth at the sound.

Mandy asked. Kim didn’t hesitate. “Two lagers and a Coke.” As she moved off, Jane’s attention snagged on the door. Two couples came in—a biker-Matrix hybrid. Bald goatee; buzz cut; a redhead; a woman with jet-black hair. Leather. Sunglasses. An uneasy shadow followed them to the bar. Mandy returned with the tray. “Two lagers and a Coke.” Glasses down. “Enjoy.” Jake curled his fingers around the beer. “So, Kim. What made you want to talk to me?”

she laughs again. “I know another. This one is good,” he says. “A dwarf enters a bar and goes to the bar. He starts jumping around to order a beer. As he sees that nobody serves it to him, he goes behind the bar to see what going on and sees another dwarf jumping behind the bar, saying: black-haired or blonde? Black-haired or blonde? “Oh, my God!” She laughs in such a way that she almost chokes. “That was very cruel.” “Ah! So you laugh at cruelty?” He jokes.

Danielle puts a hand on her hip and stares at Owen. “It’s not a dirty joke,” he deadpans. “Two guys walk into the bar, both with the intent to rob the place at gunpoint. The first guy doesn’t go through with it, even though he walked in the doors with the intention of doing it. The second guy does rob the place.” “Okay…what’s the moral question?” “Who’s worse? Or are they both as bad since they both intended on doing the same thing?”

Mia was also looking at her, the both of them stare at each other for a while before bursting into loud laughter surprising the bartender and the other people there. They laughed loudly, clutching their stomachs and trying to keep themselves steady in the bar stool. "Here are your drinks, Madams". The bartender looked at the two laughing women in curiosity and with a brow raised in amusement but he did not try to talk to them or ask what was making them laugh. He has seen the men they came with and knew that they shouldn't be messed with or he would have tried to make small talk with the slim and blonde one to see if she was interested in having a quickie with him in the toilet. Guards were