Two Blondes Walk Into A Bar Joke Novels & Stories

I was dead. “I am the daughter who owns this place. We don’t want to drink with any of you. This is harassment. I’ll make sure you two are banned here,” Jane said, which made the two guys knit their foreheads and look at her. “What did you say? Stop dreaming. We all know that the four of you are just like the women in the bar, looking for fun,” the guy with the earring said, which made my forehead crease. What the? How dare he say that to us?

I guess I made him hungry with the idea of food. After a few minutes, the bartender gets me a bowl of pretzels and my soda, and the blond guy—I realize I still don’t know his name—gets some beer nuts. I glance back at the table he just left. A few of the women have sat next to the other guys that are there, throwing exaggerated laughs and touching them whenever they get the chance. But a couple of them are staring daggers at me. I chuckle. “What’s so funny?” he asks.

I swatted his hand shaking my finger no, we walked to the bar and Zo was already holding both our drinks, we leaned against the bar looking out to the floor. "So, what are pretty girls like you guys doing here alone." The guy who helped me up asked and I looked at Zo rolling my eyes. "We're not alone." She slurred and I giggled. "We don't mean with the girls only. We mean why you came without any men." The guy next to Zo said and she laughed. "They don't own us." She shrugged and I nodded my head raising my glass and I laughed really hard. "Boy, you better get your hands off me or he will hurt you." I continued laughing and Zo joined me.

he asked. "Your depraved little whore definitely told him!" the blonde gushed. "So... hurry up and fuck me senseless!" As he watched, the first guy clapped a hand on the second's shoulder and pulled the blonde away toward the bathroom, leaving Dane staring wide-eyed at the spot where they'd been. He shook his head to clear the cobwebs and turned back to see the bar owner giving him a fresh beer. "Thanks," Dane said, trying to look like he hadn't just been gawking at the three.

She smiled awkwardly I shook my head "Let's just go." "But I'm having fun!" She whined I shot her a look and she rolled her eyes crossing her arms. "Are you being serious right now Blair?" I asked looking at her in disbelief "Yes I am." She grumbled turning back to the group of girls I shook my head and walked back to the bar where the blonde haired waitress smiled at me "What can I get for you?" "Something strong." I grumbled sliding onto the bar stool Her eyes went wide for a second before she turned and mixed different liquors with a splash of some sort of juice.

It was soon after they settled down that two muscular men walked over to the two women who were softly chatting to themselves arrived. “Ladies, would you like to have a drink with us?” The blond muscular man in a blue Speedo asked, blocking the sun for them. “That will be unnecessary, and we have no intentions of leaving.” The blond woman stated coldly. “Oh, come on. Two attractive ladies like yourselves should not be here alone. Come with us, and I promise a good time.” The other muscular man said in the green Speedo. “Who said we are alone?” The brunette woman asked.

"All this talk just means you can't afford to pay me the two thousand dollars, right? I'll make you an offer. "If you take off every last piece of counterfeit junk you're wearing and admit in front of everyone that you're nothing but a gold-digging, wannabe socialite who's only after money, I'll be magnanimous enough to let you leave. You won't even have to pay the two thousand dollars in damages."

“Oh my God, Cynthia, I have to get out of here.” One of the women turns her hazy eyed gaze onto me and says, “I love your hair. Is it real?” My hand reflexively shoots up to my hair, and I tug on a piece of hair. “All mine,” I smile. I’ve learned that its best to just fade into the background as far as most humans go. “Sooo cute...” The woman and her friend stumble into the night, and I step into Joe’s bar. The bar is vibrating with laughter. The sound of a pool ball knocking into another spreads throughout the room.

The men both looked confused as the bar had been on the ground floor. "What the hell?" The blonde one asked. I pushed them off of me forcefully and my eyes darkened as I turned around to face them with a malicious grin. "So we like to drug and rape women for fun huh?" I asked. I could see how awful their souls were when they sat down. "What the fuck?!" The slicked back haired man's face went pale as they realized I was not of their world. "What the fuck are you?!" The blonde one chimed in.

She said, looking up and down on Mel and her outfit. "Bitch you can't be ugly and play hard to get; you already hard to want," Mel retorted. I couldn't refrain my laugh, so I laughed out loud. "I'm sure that the boys that 'want you' are fake". "Very funny," blondie said as she rolled her eyes. "That was a good joke." She said sarcastically as she rolled her eyes. "Hmm, you can't take a joke; but you sure as hell, like walking around like one," Mel said forming a smirk on her lips. "But that's none of my business." She said as she shrugged.