You Want My Groom? Take Him
At my wedding, the giant screen that's supposed to show our photos suddenly switches to the groom's assistant's prenatal exam report.
It clearly shows that he is the child's father.
The assistant looks flustered and panicked as she rushes to apologize to me. The groom, on the other hand, stays perfectly calm and offers an explanation like it's no big deal.
"I took pity on her because she got pregnant out of wedlock, so I went with her to the appointment and left my name. I'm going to be her kid's godfather, too."
The day of her exam was also the day I went for my very first prenatal checkup.
Everyone thinks I'll break down, but I simply reach up and tear off my veil. Then, I calmly schedule an abortion.
"She really is pitiful, being pregnant without a partner by her side. She deserves this wedding more than I do."
Then, I raise my champagne glass to congratulate him. "Congratulations to you both. May your shotgun wedding be a happy one, especially since it's happening with a bun in the oven."