Your Momma Jokes Novels & Stories

I burst out laughing, unable to stop the unnaturally ugly laugh that came all the way from the pits of my stomach as I laughed at the story that my mum was telling me about how she had a running stomach while she was attending to Jennifer Lawrence and she asked for the bathroom but she couldn't reach it in time and she had to take a dump in a vase, right in the middle of the hallway. My mother was laughing just as loudly as I was, "and I couldn't stop. The diarrhoea kept coming out and it was uncontrollable!" she spoke over the loud noise of our laughs and trying to get a word in between her cackles. "Oh, my God! My stomach!" I complained, wiping tears from my eyes as I shook my head at my m

Dad asks with a broad smile. Is this some joke to him? "Uh... My dad was a sick asshole who killed my mom and left us for dead." The table falls in silence. I laugh. "Forgive my dark sense of humor. Just joking..." They all laugh but my dad doesn't move a jaw. He's still, staring at me intently. I sip the red wine. "My mom was a great woman. But being a great woman didn't stop her from falling for a monster. He was the death of her."

"You're scruffy!" "Oh," I said, a sense of relief flowing through me. "Sorry." "I used to tell you all the time honey, girls are soft, and we don't like scratchy skin." "I know, I remember." I nodded, thinking damn straight she was soft. "Yeah, those whiskers can hurt our lips." She winked "Even the ones on our mouth." "W...what did you just say?" Mom stared at me for a moment with her big blue eyes and laughed; "It was a joke; don't tell me they don't tell raunchy jokes over at the frat house!"

But instead of acknowledging my feelings, she brushed them aside, insisting on her own version of reality. “I think you’re the one who’s living in delusions, Maddie. After everything we’ve been through, you’re just gonna drop it like nothing. Don’t talk rubbish, Maddie. You’re not that stupid.” Her dismissiveness grated on my nerves, igniting a simmering anger within me. "You think this was a joke?" I snapped, my frustration bubbling to the surface. "I am serious, mother." But Mom's response was a chuckle, "Enough with the jokes, Maddie," she said, her tone light and unconcerned as if my words were nothing more than a jest to her.

I grabbed a nude purse from my closet placing my lipgloss, a peppermint, some cash, three bubble gum which I usually carry and I was done. I came out of the closet and I heard gasps coming from the people in the room. "Wow mommy you look beautiful". Emma was the first to speak. "Oh my world, Liz we did a great job making your momma look good. Anna said with her eyes wide. "Yes, we did. We make a great team don't you think?." Liz said doing the fist bump with her aunt. l looked at Damien. " Mom you look gorgeous, Alex doesn't even know what he's gotten himself into". He said proudly.

I said, "I guess so. He's usually so serious, it just looks weird seeing him laugh this hard." I said, "I'm going to get ready for school, mom. His wolf is full of dad jokes. I really don't want to hear them right now." Mom laughed and said, "Your wolf is like Yara. She can talk to other wolves?" I said, "Yeah, so is his. It's weird seeing him laugh like this. I'm getting out of here." Mom laughed and said, "Okay honey. We'll see you in the living room."

I counted the numbers in my head silently to give my mother a time to retract her words but when she didn't, I knew then that she's telling the truth. Actually I know that my mother never jokes. She said she hated wasting people's time by making them laugh. She's not your typical human being because she is Divina Buenaventura, the greatest businesswoman I know. "You're kidding," was all I could say. "You're just bluffing, mom. Ha! Ha! Ha! Now you made me laugh. Now tell me it's only a joke." But she never took back her words. She kept sitting on her chair like a queen on her throne looking at me, her mere subject.

Irritated, Barbara slapped him and said, "Why are you crying? No one died in this house." The five or six-year-old Jerry Miller cried and said sadly, "Mom is mean, Mom is a witch. I don't like Mom anymore!" Barbara, already in a bad mood, was even more angered by her son's public mockery, making her want to slap him again. The mother and son created a chaotic scene in the living room. Madam Martínez had a displeased expression and said calmly, "Haley, after signing the contract, come to my study with me."

Still No Comments. My brain declared it's decision. I laughed hard clutching my stomach. I feel from chair still I can't stop my laughs. I rolled in floor still clutching my stomach to stop my laughs. "What happened baby? Are you okay?", My mom's worried face made me stop a little. "Dad..I'm hearing words now. I must say this is hilarious out of all my misinterpretation", I laughed still remembering the joke taking the seat. "Your dad is not joking baby", my mom said placing her hand over my shoulder in worry.

She felt her lungs become tight as her eyes began to sting. "I think a Momma is someone who would eat nasty spinach when they want butta butta cake. And a Momma is going to fix up her baby's room so that she can be a princess. A Momma is going to work extra hard so that her baby has what they need. A Momma does my hair and not the other way around! Momma's cook dinner instead of bringing home fish and French fries for dinner every other day! And a Momma should say, Juicy you are not alone; even though Felix is dead now, you are not alone!" Her hands were balled into tight fists and she looked down at them suddenly.