Dosen Fisiologi Cantik

I didn't care about my friend who was still babbling on to me while I did my usual paperwork because only one thing stood out to me. So much so that I yelped and stood up excitedly, nearly knocking over a stack of files.

"He's coming back!" I blurted, the words bursting out of me like I'd been holding my breath for three whole months.

Tanya, who'd been rambling about pack logistics and military supply chains and all the mundane details I'd forced myself to care about in Jason's absence, froze mid-sentence. Her eyes widened, then her lips curled into a grin that, for once, felt like a small warmth in this ice-cold house.

"Oh my god," she gasped, clasping her hands. "Jason has been away from home for three months, and he's finally coming back. You can make up for your honeymoon."

I couldn't hide my happiness. My husband — well, not exactly my childhood friend but someone I'd known from afar, our families only known of each other — we'd been chosen for each other by the Moon Goddess at the eighteen-year-old mating ceremony.

Fated, they said. Chosen. The ultimate bond. Except we didn't actually get married until three months ago. And on the night of our wedding, just as the cake was cut and the wine was poured, a call for help came from an allied pack. Jason had barely kissed my forehead before he was gone into the night.

I barely remember that night now — just the hollow echo of my footsteps in our honeymoon suite while the others praised the Alpha's sacrifice. And every time I felt the any loneliness creep in, someone reminded me: You're the Luna. You should be happy.

So I stayed happy. Or, at least, I pretended well enough.

"Don't be stunned, hurry up and dress up your Luna, or take out a wedding dress!" Tanya ordered, clapping her hands together like she might actually get help this time. But as usual, none of the servants moved an inch. Their eyes slid over me like I was a stain on the wall, their glares were sharp enough to peel skin. I'd grown numb to it. Three months of being invisible, three months of watching them laugh at me behind doors they thought I couldn't hear.

If it weren't for Tanya, I probably would've lost my mind in this place.

I nudged her shoulder, an affectionate push to calm her down before her untamable anger burned the whole place down. She huffed, but let me go as I closed the file I'd been pretending to read and walked to my closet.

Inside, I stood in front of the mirror and let my hands smooth over the soft fabric of the only dress that still fit me well — a simple navy blue wrap dress with a tiny lace trim that almost made me look softer than I was. My reflection stared back: a short girl with black hair that never seemed to lie fully flat, green eyes that looked too sharp for my own good, and that permanent resting bitch face that had made kids avoid me on the playground and adults look the other way when I tried to smile.

At least the dress was nice.

I wasn't even sure why I felt this excited to see Jason. He'd been somewhat kind enough before he left — polite, warm, dutiful. Maybe he'd finally talk to the staff for me. Maybe he'd see the quiet, cold hell I'd been living in. Maybe... well, maybe we'd be real mates, like the stories said. I'd spent my whole life feeling like a ghost people politely pretended not to see so maybe he'd be the first one to really look at me.

I pressed my lips together to hold back a laugh that sounded too much like a sob. The Luna, excited to see her Alpha. That was normal, right?

I was just about to go out to greet him when a shadow fell across the doorway. Elliot. Jason's little brother. He was younger than me by a handful of years, with the same dark hair but a meaner mouth and eyes that always looked like they were seconds away from rolling into the back of his head. I'd taken care of him for the past three months — made him tonics for his weird body condition, kept him on a strict schedule that kept him out of danger. Not that he knew that. He thought Tanya did it.

He'd sooner drink bleach than accept help from me.

"He's back." Elliot's voice was dripping with something I couldn't place — not excitement, not relief. It was smug. He had that stupid little grin like he'd just gotten the last word in an argument I didn't know we were having.

"Yes, I was just about to go meet him and our warriors," I said, smoothing my skirt and forcing my feet forward. But Elliot grabbed my arm before I could pass, yanking me close enough to feel his breath on my cheek.

"Mind your—" he started, but then he cut himself off and leaned even closer. "He brought back a girl, you scarecrow."

"What?" My mind tripped over the word. A girl? Surely I'd heard him wrong. Or maybe this was another of his cruel little jokes. He loved to poke at the holes in my composure, just to see if I'd crack.

"It could be a new friend," I said weakly, "or it could be a wandering werewolf who came to our pack. Don't you know that the Alpha has always been a kind person?" I didn't even know who I was trying to convince — him or myself.

"How would you know that?" Elliot scoffed, his eyes glowing with a cold, mean amusement.

How would I know? I didn't. I'd only ever heard the same stories everyone else did — brave, noble, chosen by the Moon Goddess herself. I was just repeating the lines I'd whispered to myself at night to drown out the loneliness.

"Everyone knows," I said lamely.

Elliot shook his head and flashed me a grin that made my stomach knot up. "They said, well... you'll know everything when you go there."

A chill slid down my spine. I didn't wait for another word. I lifted the hem of my dress, gathered what dignity I had left, and stepped out of my home office into the grand foyer. The wide double doors were thrown open, sunlight spilling in to illuminate the rows of exhausted soldiers, armor dented and faces smeared with blood and grime — but they were home. And they were smiling.

They parted for me, heads bowed, voices murmuring my title — Luna — like it might stick this time. And there he was. Jason. The face I'd clung to in my mind for every lonely night and early dawn. Tall, broad-shouldered, muscles shifting beneath his half-buttoned shirt, brown hair tousled by the wind, brown eyes so warm they almost made me forget how empty our bed had been.

He saw me and his face lit up. He waved, boyish and open, like nothing had changed, like he'd never left me behind. I stepped forward, my hands outstretched for that hug I'd imagined so many times—

And then a pale arm, slender and delicate, slid around his bicep. A woman's face appeared from behind his shoulder. She was about my age, but so much more... everything. Blonde hair that fell in soft, perfect waves. Blue eyes like polished glass. An angel's face. A body that made me want to shrink into the floor. She looked familiar in a way that made my stomach twist.

"Is she your Luna?" she asked sweetly, leaning closer to Jason and reaching out a manicured hand toward me. "Hello, I'm Lina. Jason's real mate."

The world slammed to a halt. Jason's smile slipped off his face. The soldiers froze, their eyes darting between the three of us like they'd stumbled into a scene they'd only ever gossiped about in whispers.

A real mate? The words stuck in my brain like a burr. I'd never heard of the oracle making a mistake. The Moon Goddess doesn't get it wrong. Right? So what the hell was this?

"What the fuck..." I breathed, but the words came out silent.

"She's really not going to greet her?" someone whispered.

"Is our Luna really that unpleasant?"

"Geez, I don't even know her and I definitely don't want to now."

"She may be Luna but is she really down on the Alpha's mate?"

"I heard she doesn't even have a wolf. How could she be bonded?"

Their voices tumbled over each other, filling the foyer until they were louder than the sound of my own heartbeat slamming in my ears. Were they even allowed to gossip about me like this? Wasn't I the Luna? Weren't they supposed to bow? Protect me?

I looked at Jason. He didn't say a word. He didn't move.

I looked at Lina, still smiling like she'd done me a favor by introducing herself.

And I felt the panic in my throat.

What the hell was I supposed to do now? No one was going to help me.

Not now.

Not ever.

She stretched out her hand toward me and I nearly puked. The same delicate protection bracelet — the one I'd spent days crafting and blessing for Jason before our wedding — glinted on her wrist like a cruel joke.

A piece of me on her.

"You could at least take her hand, Bonnie," Jason hissed at me under his breath, the edge in his tone sharp enough to cut. Well, I guess that's the only way he's ever spoken to me — cold, formal, detached. Polite smiles, polite nods, and nothing more. We didn't know each other beyond shallow pleasantries and awkward silence.

"I don't think she wants to, look at that glare." Lina's voice was a tinkling laugh, sugar over poison. She giggled as if I were a child throwing a tantrum. My cheeks burned, humiliation burning hotter than the sting in my chest.

I grabbed her hand before I could talk myself out of it — a stiff, clumsy shake just to shut them up — but the second our palms touched, she lurched forward like she'd been yanked by a ghost. Her perfect blonde hair fanned out as she crumpled to the ground at my feet.

What the fuck?

"What the hell is your problem, Bonnie?!" Jason snapped, his voice rising like a whip crack as he rushed to Lina's side. He didn't even glance at me — just cupped her shoulders gently, lifting her up like she was made of glass.

"I-I didn't even—" My words stumbled out, but they sounded pathetic even to me.

"Don't blame her!" Lina sobbed suddenly, her tears pouring out faster than the lie. She looked up at Jason with glistening blue eyes. "I know it must be a shock to suddenly have me around but I swear I won't get in your way! I just want us to have a good party!"

"You're lucky Lina is being so nice about this!" Jason barked, his eyes finally flicking back to me — sharp and cold — before he turned to her again, his voice melting into something tender I'd never heard from him, not even once. "Don't worry, Lina. It'll all be okay."

The way he looked at her made my stomach twist up into knots. A warmth I'd begged for, just once, but never received. All I'd ever gotten was apathy. Now he was giving that treatment to someone else — with my bracelet mockingly on her wrist.

What the actual fuck was going on? I hadn't done anything. Why was she acting like I'd pushed her? The stares pressing in on me made my skin crawl. They were already looking at me like I was some kind of monster — the outsider, the mistake, the Luna in name only.

"Can't you just be pleasant for one day? How about I return the favor?" Elliot's voice sliced through the fog in my head. He was suddenly at my side. Before I could move, he slammed both hands against my shoulders and shoved.

I flew back, my spine colliding with the edge of a heavy wooden table. Pain exploded across my lower back and shot up into my skull as I cracked my temple on the corner. The world fuzzed out for a moment — white spots flickering behind my eyes — before the red came. Warm and sticky, dribbling down to stain my collar.

I blinked, trying to focus through the haze. I looked around for someone — anyone — but no one moved. No hands reached out. No eyes met mine with sympathy. I was Luna — wasn't I? The strongest female of the pack, the Alpha's chosen, the mother-to-be of future heirs. But standing here with blood dripping down my face, I felt like nothing more than an unwelcome ghost in my own home.

This much pain isn't enough to break a Luna, I reminded myself, swallowing the tears that started to choke me. A Luna endures everything for her people. Even this.

I squared my shoulders, lifted my chin, and forced my lips to curl into something that looked like a smile. "Well, I hope everyone can enjoy the party," I said, though no one was listening. The entire room had already closed in around Jason and Lina, fawning over her like she was some long-lost princess.

"This is the real Luna's toast!" someone crowed loudly, and laughter bubbled up all around, the cheer sharp enough to make my ears ring.

"I've never seen the Alpha smile this much!"

"Of course he is! He doesn't have to be with that substitute forever!"

"They look so in love with each other!"

"Ah, if only I could have a love like that."

I turned, numb and my stomach turned inside out. Jason was gazing down at Lina like she was the only living thing in the entire world. His hand cupped her cheek, brushing away a tear that I now knew had never really been there. The softness in his eyes — I'd dreamed of it. Imagined it. And now I saw it... given to someone else.

"Are you just going to stand there bleeding?" Elliot's voice hissed in my ear again. His fingers clamped around my arm like iron.

"What?" I croaked, my voice so small I almost didn't recognize it.

"Go clean up and stop ruining the atmosphere. Haven't you embarrassed yourself enough, freak?" His words dripped with disgust as he shoved me toward the hallway.

I was very embarrassed. If there was any mercy left for me tonight, it was the thought that I could disappear from this humiliation. I stumbled away, my vision swimming with the sting of tears and the smear of blood. The whispers followed me like gnats.

"Well, looks like we'll finally get a lady in the home," one servant muttered.

"Just look at her. Not as good looking as Lina."

"The spare will be dumped by the Alpha sooner or later."

"What a pity, though."

"What pity? She had the chance to serve the Alpha and she couldn't even do that? I say get rid of that parasite so we can serve the real Luna already."

"Yeah, we all know the oracle only matched them because she felt sorry for that orphan."

"Sounds cruel."

"How is reminding someone of their place cruel?"

I ducked into the nearest side room and grabbed a towel from the bar cart. My fingers trembled as I dabbed the blood from my temple, flinching every time the cloth touched the swelling bruise. I could still hear them. The servants didn't even bother lowering their voices.

They knew I was there. That was the point.

My reflection in the mirrored liquor cabinet looked small and pale. The resting bitch face everyone hated so much seemed oddly fitting now.

They could say whatever they wanted. They could look at me like I was a mistake.

I was the Luna of the BlueMont Pack. The Moon Goddess herself had chosen me. I was supposed to be the strongest — the protector, the mother, the leader.

And no matter how much it hurt, no matter how alone I was, I would not break and will not cry.

Not yet.