Mengejar Cinta Bujang Lapuk yang Pernah Kusakiti

Night! 

Stars, breeze, and Serenity are what I used to describe this one time of the day, some years ago. But today as I walk on the Brooklyn Bridge, in this starry night, I realize that the only word I should always use is Sleepless. No sleep is what defines me. Weird much! But it is how I have ended up with my crazy ass of life. Or wait! 'Is it even a life?' A life where I lay on the bed in the night, and stare at the ceiling like a person who had been playing the Mannequin Challenge. The only difference being there is no music but the loud thumping of my broken heart.

The cool wind managed to hit me hard across my face, as I scanned the beautiful bridge; the space between the cable suspension giving a clear view of the water underneath it whereas the moon does not fail to shine in it. And it is when I remembered the one person who entered my distorted life two years ago, but today even she was not present beside me.

‘And who was I supposed to blame?’ Myself! My fate! Or Serena! The name felt so right, rolling out of my tongue like a mantra. Though, I wonder, after today do I even have the right to chant that angelic beauty's name?

Hours ago, I might have considered myself one lucky guy who was granted a second chance to get happiness after those traumatic experience of pain since I passed high school. Someone has said it right; Nothing in this world is permanent, and so was my happiness, or I should say: Our happiness!

As I view, the shadow of my tall figure on the road, I recalled the memories that this place had of ours but now everything was gone. All that was left of me was a plain broken boy who had no peace in his life. My eyes which were downcast for a while as I took steady steps ahead on the bridge, now turned to look on the sideways. Just then they halted on the left, where a small boy was cuddled up like a ball on the wooden bench that was kept in the side.

My steps moved forth on their own as something in me stirred when I saw the boy shivering in the cold. I did not understand this world at all at that moment. ‘How can someone abandon their child like that?’ It was cruel. Though, it is the reality for you.

On approaching the bench, I take a good look at the kid; his lips were trembling. I did not wake him up from his deep slumber. His copper hair were falling on his forehead reminding me of myself.

In hours, a small smile tugged at the end of my lips as my hand raised on their own accord to caress the kid's head. Immediately realizing that I wore an overcoat over my long-sleeved t-shirt, I removed it from my body and covered the boy with it. He hugged the warmth given to him instantly. Making sure that, he was comfortable enough I made my way to the nearest bench. A tired sigh escaped my lips as I sat down on the bench, my head dangled half in the air and another half on the bench.

My eyes closed on their own. When I opened them, a tear escaped from the sides and next, I sensed someone sitting beside me.

Raising my head, I saw the same kid holding my coat. His messy hair flying; innocent blue eyes were staring right through me. Something, the way he looked at me reminded me of Serena and again the similar pain succumbed my chest. The reality finally sank in me that I have lost her. I have lost my love again and maybe this time I wasn't even taking a chance at another thing, but why do I still hope that maybe everything isn't wasted yet?

"Is this yours?" The little boy's query brought me out of my painful trance. I whipped my head once again in his direction to see him staring at me with curiosity evident in his blue orbs. Ruffling his soft hair, I nodded my head which made him give me his biggest smile as a way of gratitude.

‘Maybe, no one ever cared for him thus the child was overwhelmed with the care he was shown.’

"So little man why are you here at this time of the night?" I knew my query was stupid and irrational. Even when I was aware of the answer, I wanted to know. Maybe I was hoping, it wasn't what I was expecting. As the smile on his face faded away, I realized that I might have touched a sore subject for him too. How ironic? Even a little boy was left alone like me!

"I am sorry. Did I hurt you?" I let out a feeble apology suddenly not liking the heaviness prevailing between us.

He immediately shook his head in denial making me smile at his big eyes now since his brows were creased in some twisted way. It was the moment I noticed how thin and lean he was as if he didn't eat for days and once again my chest constricted.

"What is your name, bud?" I asked breaking the awkward silence between us. I noticed he looked around ten and for a boy his age, he should be probably healthier than he appeared.

"Nathaniel!" He replied shyly. I did not miss the shine in his eyes. It seemed as if he loved his name.

Getting comfortable on the bench, he wrapped the coat around himself, while we sat in silence again staring at nothing in particular. I didn't know what time it was, neither did I wanted to know. It will be a reminder to me of how many hours I spent without the woman I love.

"Why are you here?" Nathaniel's soft voice reached my ears as I turned to look at him once again. A frown was plastered on his face as he studied me, aiming to figure out something.

"I am running away!" My voice came out hoarse.

"From whom?"

Taking a deep breath, my eyes shut on their own while my arms crossed over my chest, as I replied in a low muffled tone, "Pain and...,

"Love…" The last part came out as a mere whisper and I was sure, he didn't hear it.

"Where it is?" He inquired innocently. A low chuckle escaped my lips.

Turning towards him, I took his small hand in my large ones and kept it on the left side of my chest where my heart or maybe burnt heart was beating. He gave me a confused look but did not utter a word. I did not fail to notice the small shrug of his shoulders.

"You hungry?" He nodded his head and I remembered purchasing a big bar of chocolate this morning, for...Avoiding to whisper her name once again, I recalled putting it safely in my overcoat pocket which I wanted to give her in the evening because she was fond of having chocolates after dinner. Much to my bad luck, it was not happening today.

Ignoring the thoughts once again, I fetched the chocolate from the pocket and forwarded to Nathaniel whose eyes lit up in excitement. I watched him undo the wrapper and take a bite, with pure ecstasy on his face, and once again my mind wandered on Serena.

I sighed looking away from Nathaniel to my right to stare at the long pole at the end of the bridge, where I and Serena met for the first time. Where I felt something beating inside me! Where I felt the L word once again! Where Daniel Price didn't feel like a cursed boy who didn't deserve happiness instead, I felt that I was granted a second chance to live and love.

And the time froze for me right there as I found myself going back to the new year’s evening.