プライベートレッスン～大人の恋愛講座～

At 3 AM, I had awoken to the ringing of a phone, rustling of the sheets and the thunder humming outside my bedroom window.

It didn’t take long to recognize the ringtone I heard and understand what was happening in that moment.

That was Charlotte’s ringtone.

Charlotte was my husband Leonardo’s childhood sweetheart, and she had made a habit of calling my husband to her side at every opportunity even in the most impromptu hours of the night.

And Leo had made a habit of being completely available after every call - explaining why he had personalized her ringtone in the first place.

I listen at his side silently, waiting for the moment he would refuse to run to her side. A wishful thought I knew would never come to fruition.

“Don't cry, I'll be there soon." After a few simple words, Leo quickly got up and prepared to go out. He hadn’t noticed I had been listening or conscious at the moment.

“Are you leaving?” I say through a yawn. Being pregnant made me especially tired lately, not that Leo had noticed any difference.

“I’m sorry Claire. I hope I didn’t wake you.” Leo took a single moment to sit next to me and caress my face. His touch was warm and comforting. But it was only a moment.

“Charlotte needs me, but I’ll be back soon” my husband was always available when she “needed” him. Even if it were at my expense. It was a horrible feeling watching your husband be readily available for another woman at her beck and call. 

I look outside the window and see the faint rain littering the sill and the sky lighting with streams of electricity. This weather was no match for the dedication Leo had to Charlotte. The dedication I longed for as his wife.

“It’s raining. Don’t you think it would be better to head out in the morning?” I say in a small voice preparing for the worst of reactions when I see his face turn cold and stern. He pulls his hand away almost as if I had disgusted him.

“Have you no sympathy, Claire?! Charlotte is disabled and she needs my help. How could you be so selfish?” He says this coldly, an accusation he had used prior, also for the benefit of Charlotte.

I have been married to Leo for five years but when it comes to Charlotte - I was an imposition or better yet, an enemy at best.

I drop my head to avoid his cold gaze and shrink. “I just worry about your safety in this weather.” And knowing Charlotte has 24 hour dedicated medical staff and Nannie’s, I saw no reason for Charlotte to need my husband. Leo wasn’t a doctor or specialist.

“I didn’t mean it in that way, Leo.” I say this as the words became coal, choking in my throat. I’m not a person made for confrontation. It made me feel small and my emotions got the best of me.

“I know what you meant. You just didn’t mean for me to hear it.” He seethed at me. I curled my knees close to my chest as I watched him change his clothes - facing his back towards me with disgust. After getting dressed, I watched Leo leaving without so much as a goodbye or acknowledgment that I was still there.

I look at the clock on the nightstand and see that it’s well past 3 AM now. Not to mention, today was our fifth wedding anniversary.

I tried to calm my roaring emotions and not break down in tears. But the tears had escaped as I sobbed silently, covering my face.

I had become used to this behavior and these reactions when it came to Charlotte over the course of our marriage. Charlotte would make certain to call Leo on every occasion and important moment of my marriage. And she would succeed every time. Leo would run to her side, leaving me to feel like the outsider.

Charlotte and Leo had grown up together from a very young age. They were inseparable until Charlotte was involved in an accident that left her unable to walk. I’m not exactly what happened being that Leo always refused to say more but it left Charlotte wheelchair bound.

Leo’s family and sister knew what had happened, but they would never tell me as they much less enjoyed having to utter a single word to me. They hated me for reasons I still don’t know. What I do know is that Leo had felt guilty and has shamelessly run to charlottes side after every call.

Her needs outweighed mine in the eyes of my husband.

I lay under the quilt, trying to soothe and collect myself as I pull out a pregnancy test I had hidden in the nightstand. A clear indication that a baby was on the way and yet, my husband was nowhere to be found.

I hoped to share this news with Leo although fear had stopped me at every chance. Leo had no interest in having children. He made that clear when he had me start contraceptives right after our wedding ceremony. A child would require his wholehearted attendance and that would take away the time he’s set aside for Charlotte.

But I want this child. I touch my stomach gently to feel the tiny life that’s started to grow inside me despite the odds. I fell in love the moment I knew it existed. I rub my Stomach lightly as I drift back into the exhaustion of pregnancy and fall asleep.

I awake a few hours later to an empty bed with cold sheets. Leo hadn’t come back. I decide to call him as I worried.

The phone rang twice before I heard a shrill woman’s voice on the other end. It was Charlotte.

“Leo is sleeping.”

Why was she answering my husband’s phone?

Was he sleeping in her bed?