Masuk娘の誕生日だった。 彼女はわざと、みんなの前で言った。「ママはくたびれた顔のおばさんなんだから、ケーキは食べなくていいよ。これ、パパがすごく高いのを買ったんだもん」 胸の奥が、すとんと沈んだ。 振り向くと、娘は一番大きなケーキを皿にのせ、家庭教師に差し出していた。 「小山ママ、このケーキのイチゴ、すごく甘いの。早く食べて」 夫は私の居心地の悪さなど気にも留めず、笑いながら娘と家庭教師の頬にクリームを少し塗った。 「長生きして、元気でいられますように」 三人が楽しそうに笑い合う姿は甘くて幸せそのものに見えた。 その瞬間、私はすべてを諦めた。 そして私の先生に電話をかけ、国の極秘プロジェクトに参加することを選んだ。 この人たちのために夢を捨てるなんて、あまりにも割に合わなかった。
Lihat lebih banyakEarly in the morning I got off my bed and rushed to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and stood in front of the mirror for some time, “how am I going to get through so much pressure” I thought to myself. I had an argument with my aunt last night and I guess she had to get the fact that she was tired of taking care of me out of her lungs. Another thought hit my mind about my aunt, “she has got a point, am 26 years old but I’m still being taken care of.” Stood still in front of that mirror, I was in deep thought.
I heard a knock at the kitchen door, I then went to open it. When I opened the door there was standing a very cute lady. She was slim, she had big beautiful eyes, with long hair and her skin was so clear, you’d swear that she had no pimples at all.
“Hello” she greeted me with a sincere smile. her smile though, it was so mesmerizing and her voice just made my stomach feel like it was full of butterflies.
“Hi” I replied, I kept a straight face as if her voice and smile her smile had no effect on me.
“I am new around here, am actually a first-year student at TUT.” She explained, with her sweet voice ringing in my eyes. She looked around out of curiosity or interest.
“Okay…” I replied still with a straight face trying to hide how much she had an effect on me, that was love at first sight.
“I am looking for a room to rent so I thought I should ask here because I saw these backrooms.” She said while looking around, I thought she wanted one of the rooms at my yard.
“Uhm, unfortunately those have already been taken but you can ask around I’m sure you will find one.” I explained while I glanced at the direction of the vacant rooms that were in my yard.
“Okay, thanks.” She said with that mesmerizing smile and her angelic voice then she walked away.
I smile at her and stood at the door, watching her walking away. Deep down, I was very charmed. I watched her get out the gate I then closed the door. I went to my room and turned on my laptop and as I was trying to figure out which movie I could watch, my phone rang. It was an unknown number, I just thought that maybe it was one of the companies where I dropped off my CVs.
“Hello” I answered the phone call and I pause the movie on my laptop.
“Hey Kat” a familiar female voice replied. It was shaky, the person who was talking on the other end of the phone sounded terrified.
“Who is this?” I asked with a more concerned tone.
“It’s Kate, please don’t hang up” she replied as I was about to hang up “I know you don’t want to talk to me” she added.
Kate is my ex-girlfriend; we were high school sweethearts. But unfortunately, she got impregnated by her ex the time we were dating and I was forced to break up with her. It’s been two years since we broke up and we’ve never spoke until now.
“What do you want?” I asked with a sigh, my mood got ruined at that moment but I just decided to give her a chance to speak.
“Kat you have to get out of there now.” She said with a very concerned voice.
“Get out of where?” I asked with a laughter.
“Get out of your place, Les…” she said, but I interrupted her as she was trying to explain.
“No Kate, I’ve heard enough of your drama” I said “You know for the last two years I thought you left my life for good but here you are. Disturbing my peace, what do you want from me?” raised my voice.
“Kat you have to listen to me…” she tried explaining but I interrupted her again.
“No, you listen to me” I yelled “Please leave me alone, go back to your gangster boyfriend” I added and then hung up the phone before she could say any other word.
Immediately after I got off the phone with Kate, there was a knock at the door. As I was opening the door someone pushed it from, it hit me and fell on the floor. As I was getting up, Kate’s boyfriend, Lesly and his two of his gang members entered the house. Flashbacks started hitting me and I remembered everything that happened two years ago and I understood that he was fulfilling a promise he made two years back. Two years ago, he found out that I was dating his girlfriend which is Kate, the same year I helped the police to catch him for his drug operation. I am wondering why he got out of prison so early, he was supposed to do 15 years.
“Listen man, I can explain” I pleaded with him, I tried getting up from the floor but one of his gang members pushed me back down. Lesly just stared at my terrified face and stretched out his hand and one of his gang members handed him a short gun.
He slowly turned his attention to me, “you’re so hard to find” he said with a sinister smile on his face.
“I can explain man you have to hear me out” I pleaded with him but he just stared at me without saying a single word and I just lied on the floor with my back, sweating.
That day I prayed for the first time ever in my heart. Hoping God would do one of those biblical miracles and make me disappear. Maybe God doesn’t work that way, maybe I was a stranger to him or maybe he forgot about me so he was going to let this psychopath named Lesly kill me, my silent prayer wasn’t working.
“You know Kat, you are one of those dudes that I admire around here. You are not like us; you are focused and you’ve got a bright future” he explained as he was waving his short gun across my face.
One of his gang members pulled a chair, then violently picked me up and put me on the chair. I was sweating and shaking out of fear and I declared myself dead because Lesly was always known for killing everyone who crosses him and. And this time he was about to kill me for a something that happened two years ago, sleeping with his girlfriend and snitching on his drug business.
“But you know what I don’t like?” he said, putting his short gun on the table then he pulled a chair and sat across me “snitches… snitches and people who f*ck people’s girlfriends” he added, his face turned red.
“They gave me no choice man, I…” he cut me by putting his short gun on my chin. At this point I just waited for him to pull the trigger.
“You’re going to pay for this” he said while he got up from the chair and gave the short gun to the second gang member that was standing beside him.
“Listen Les, I can explain” I pleaded with him but he just ignored me as he whispered something to the gang member that was standing beside him. Lesly walked out and left two of his gang members with me. Tears began falling then I closed my eyes waiting for a gun sound and the bullets to squash my head like a watermelon. But instead of pulling the trigger, the gang member hit me so hard at the back of my head with the back of the short gun that I became unconscious for a few hours.
2 hours later….
When I became conscious, I was no longer in the kitchen at home but I was in a cold darkroom, tied on a chair with no clothes on. I looked around, the room was empty and I was placed in the middle. I started panicking tried to get myself off the chair but it was too tight, I couldn’t move.
“Hello, anybody out there? Help!” I yelled, I tried fighting my way out of the chair but I couldn’t move an inch of my body “this must be where Lesly kills all this people” I thought to myself. I continued shouting for help but I got tired, I became quiet after some time.
After a while, the lights were turned on and the door was opened, two of Lesly’s gang members entered the room and stood on each side of the door. The third gang member came in, he was one of the guys that came with Lesly my place. He started punching me, for more than 30 minutes I endured as I took punches from every angle, blood began to drip all over my face, I was bleeding through both my nose and my mouth. Finally, Lesly came into the room pulling Kate by a hand and he violently threw her at my feet, the guy who was punching me stopped.
Kate got up and held my face with both her hands “Are you okay?” she asked, she wiped the blood on my nose with her dress.
“No” I shook my head. I put my head on her shoulder and began to cry, Kate just hugged me and pretended to be strong at that point. One of Lesly’s gang members pulled her away from me.
“What a beautiful love story” Lesly said, his boys began to laugh as he was imitating everything Kate was doing when she was hugging me. After a second, he became serious and looked at me with a disgusted face.
“Just kill me Les, I got nothing to lose anyway” I drug my words out, as I was hurt pretty bad that I couldn’t speak properly.
“No, I don’t want to kill you. I want you to suffer, I want you to…” Lesly got interrupted by Kate as she furiously jumped on him and attacked him. “Get off me, you cheap bitch” he yelled as he pushed her so hard that she fell on the floor and bruised her arm.
Kate began to cry “Les, please don’t do this” she pleaded with him.
Lesly ignored her and one of his gang members brought a briefcase to him. I was weak and couldn’t get a word out at this point, I had no strength to fight for my own life and Kate managed to get up and wiped the blood from her nose with the palm of her hand. Lesly opened the briefcase and took out an injection, he turned his attention to me.
“This here is a special medicine and you’re lucky to be the first one to receive it. The good thing is that it doesn’t kill you but it wipes your memory and you forget who you are. It takes away your identity” he explained, as he prepared the injection.
“Lesly, this is pointless” Kate pleaded with him as she was standing between me and Lesly.
“Shut up” he yelled as he slapped her across the face, one of Lesly’s gang members got her out of the way but she kept on fighting.
I just coughed continuously, blood dripping from my mouth. Lesly held me by the neck and made to look him in the eyes then he held up the injection, I was weak and I had no strength to fight him.
“This will make you forget everything, your name, where you stay, the people around you including this moment right here. But first, it will cause an excruciating pain. It will make you suffer; you will be a stranger in your own body. This is all you get for being stupid Kat” he explained with a sinister laughter.
Kate kept on fighting for me but the gang members we so strong, they just made sure that she watches him stick the injection on my neck. He slowly pushed it inside and then he squeezed the poison inside my neck.
“It will work within 30 minutes” he said while putting the syringe back into the briefcase “this is nothing personal, it’s just keeping a score” he said as he walked out of the room.
His gang members got Kate out of the room right after Lesly got out, the lights were turned off and the door was closed. Once again, I was left alone in a cold empty room with blood all over my face. I fell asleep for a few minutes; the effects of the injection woke me up. I started feeling something like a headache and then it got worse, it was as if someone was cutting my head off. The amount of pain I was feeling was unimaginable, something one wouldn’t stand.
I tried enduring the pain but as time went on it got worse. It now moved from my head to my lungs, at some point I wasn’t able to breath for some time. The pain went on to my stomach. For more than 7 hours, I endured the pain, my vision became blurry, I couldn’t keep myself awake. I started vomiting what seemed like blood. It was as if the chemical in the injection was eating me inside. After long hours of vomiting my own lungs out and groaning for help, I became unconscious.
実験の過程では、想定しきれない事態が起こる。この数年、どれほど慎重を重ねても、多くの命が失われた。生き残った者の多くも完全な身体ではなかった。それこそが私に嘆く資格がない理由だった。失敗と比べれば。死と比べれば。私はあまりにも多くを与えられている。こうして生きている。世界を見て、この結果を見届けている。それだけで、十分すぎるほどだった。「必ず、使命を果たします」表彰の日は、あっという間に訪れた。私は何度も原稿を読み返しながら、この新しい世界を受け入れる準備をしていた。社会から十二年も離れていた私は、目の前の変化にうまく馴染めなかった。分からないことが次々と積み重なっていった。それでも、新しい技術が国家の礎になるのなら、胸を張っていい。そう思えたからこそ、私が差し出してきたすべては無駄ではなかった。「黒木玲奈さん、どうぞ壇上へ」感慨に沈んでいた私は支えられながら舞台に上がった。それは疑いようのない栄誉の瞬間だった。胸が詰まり、何度も涙を拭った。用意していた言葉はすべて頭から抜け落ちていく。けれど、華やかな表現よりも、今この場で伝えたいことがある。――犠牲になった、すべての人たちへの感謝。彼らがいなければ、今日の成功はなかった。彼らがいなければ、この栄誉も存在しなかった。「だからこそ、皆さんに一つだけお願いがあります。どうか、彼らの名前と、その歩みを忘れないでください。これまで積み重ねられてきた努力に、静かに目を向けてほしいと思います。若い力が育てば、社会は自然と前へ進んでいきます。私たちの役割はここで一つの節目を迎えました。そして今、これからの時代が皆さんの手に委ねられています。学び、受け継ぎ、工夫を重ねながら、この場所をこれからも大切に守り続けていってください」即興の言葉だった。それでも、会場からはこの日一番大きな拍手が湧き上がった。それは、新しい世代からの返答だった。私は退かない。彼らも退かない。それこそが受け継がれていく精神なのだ。「……お母さん」式典が終わり、スタッフに支えられて移動していると、懐かしい声が聞こえる。振り向いた先にいたのは、久しく会っていなかった七菜だ。ずいぶん変わっていた。その表情には決して楽ではなかった年月が刻
すべてが終わったと知り、安彦の目から涙がこぼれ落ちた。そのとき、私の名前に気づいた者がいて、周囲に小さなざわめきが広がった。五分ほどして、研究院の責任者が姿を現し、安彦を静かに見つめた。彼は研究員一人ひとりの家庭事情にも通じており、安彦の存在も把握していた。ただ一つ、引っかかることがあった。私が外に出てすでに一週間が経っているのに、夫である安彦が、それを知らないはずがない。「こんにちは。私はここの責任者です。何かありましたら、お話を伺います」立場上の判断として、彼は安彦をオフィスに通し、一通り事情を聞いた。よくある家庭内のいざこざにすぎなかった。とりわけ「離婚するつもり」という言葉を聞いた時点で、彼の中では結論が出ていた。「内川さん、これはご家庭の問題です。黒木玲奈さんの行き先を、私からお伝えすることはできません。彼女が離婚を決めた以上、研究院としてもその選択を尊重します。どうか、ご理解ください。もうお帰りください。お子さんのことを、きちんと見てあげてください」それ以上、話す余地はなかった。安彦は信じられず、叫び出したい衝動に駆られた。問い詰めたい気持ちもあった。だが背後には、整然と並ぶ警備員の視線があった。彼は一歩も動けず、結局、肩を落として帰るしかなかった。それでも、ひとつだけ救いがあるとすれば、愛海が七菜を連れて戻ってきていたことだった。二人は彼との間にわだかまりもなく、以前と変わらぬ様子で接した。まるで何事もなかったかのような家族の姿だった。愛海はわざわざ七菜を連れてきて、安彦に謝った。その声はひどく柔らかく、視線には隠しきれない意図が滲んでいた。安彦はその意味が痛いほど分かった。次の瞬間、堪えていた感情が一気に噴き出し、彼はテーブルをひっくり返した。「全部お前のせいだ!もともと俺は可哀想だから家庭教師にしてやっただけだ。それなのに、子どもをこんなふうに育てて!七菜!玲奈はお前の母親だ。命がけでお前を産んだ人間だぞ。何様のつもりで嫌うんだ!出て行け。今すぐ、この家から出て行け」感情に飲み込まれた安彦は愛海を家から追い出した。七菜はまだ幼く、何もできず、ただ泣くことしかできなかった。だが、その涙に意味はなかった。安彦は少しも哀れまず、怒りに任せて指を突き
「……玲奈」私が家を出てから七日目。安彦は娘のもとへ向かうこともなく、かつて私が働いていた場所へ足を運んでいた。そこは、厳重に警備された区域だった。研究者だけでなく、そこで生み出される成果そのものが守られている。当然のように、安彦は正門で呼び止められた。彼はすっかり変わっていた。無精ひげを伸ばし、やつれた姿はまるで路上生活者のようだった。警備員は何度も彼を追い払おうとし、乞食同然に見ている様子だった。「ここはあんたの来る場所じゃない。金目当てなら、ほかを当たれ」容赦のない言葉を浴びせられ、安彦は顔色を変えた。この数日、彼の脳裏に浮かぶのはかつて自分が私に向けていた態度ばかりだった。あのとき、私は今の彼と同じくらい、痛みを感じていたのだろうか。「聞こえてるのか。さっさと立ち去れ」警備員は彼が呆然としているのを見て苛立ち、スタンガンを取り出した。安彦ははっと我に返り、ぎこちなく私の名前を口にした。「俺は乞食じゃありません。妻を探しに来たんです。黒木玲奈といいます。ここで働いているはずなんです。中に入って、一声かけてもらえませんか。会えれば、それでいいんです」警備員は一日に何人もの「会わせてほしい人間」を相手にしている。目の前の男の一方的な話など、信じる理由はなかった。たとえ私を知っていたとしても、呼び出すことはない。それが安全のためだった。「帰ってください。奥さんだと言うなら、電話すればいいじゃないですか。どうしてここで騒ぐんです」露骨な疑いの視線を向けられ、安彦は気まずそうにスマートフォンを取り出した。そこには、既読のつかないメッセージが並んでいるだけだった。「喧嘩をしてしまって……何日も帰ってきていないんです。でも、彼女がここで働いている証拠はあります。黒木玲奈です。ほら、これです。見てください」焦りで手が震え、何度も画面を滑らせるうちに、警備員の表情があからさまに険しくなった。そのときになって、ようやく一枚の写真を見つけ出した。それは、かつて私が彼に送ったものだった。研究所の制服を着た私が写っている。彼が持っている、唯一の証明だった。警備員は鼻で笑った。「申し訳ありませんが、こちらで分かるのはその方が当施設の職員であるという点だけです。お客様とのご関係までは確認できません。これ以上
その涙には、わずかだが本心が滲んでいた。安彦は戸惑いながら言った。「愛海ちゃん、この件は君のせいじゃない。玲奈が拗ねているだけだ。あいつは孤児院育ちで、自由気ままに生きるのが当たり前になっている。放っておけばいいし、数日もすれば戻ってくる」知り合った頃、私が孤児院で育ったと知った安彦は胸を痛めて涙を流してくれた。けれど、気持ちが冷めると、今度は「孤児院育ちは自由奔放だ」と言うようになった。「じゃあ、食事にしよう」愛海は嬉しそうに瞬きをした。安彦が慰めてくれた。それだけで、自分は大切にされているのだと分かった。ここ数日、もう少し頑張ればいい。この家の女主人になる日も、遠くない気がした。もう一人、嬉しそうだったのが七菜だった。彼女は部屋に大事に取っておいた飲み物を持ち出し、テレビで見た大人の仕草を真似て、グラスを掲げた。「パパ、ずっとこんな毎日だったらいいのに」彼女にとって、パパと小山先生と一緒にいる時間がいちばん幸せだった。「七菜ちゃん、そんな言い方をするんじゃない」この数日の出来事が安彦の心を大きく揺さぶっていた。彼は確かに、かつて私を愛していた。だからこそ、その言葉を聞いた瞬間、思わず七菜を叱った。どんな理由があろうと、彼女は私の子だ。そんなふうに考えていいはずがなかった。「パパ……」七菜は一瞬、体を強張らせた。けれど彼女にとって、愛海を好きなことは間違いではない。その出来事がきっかけとなり、私が家を出て三日目、七菜と安彦は激しく言い争った。互いに一歩も引かず、とりわけ七菜は目を大きく見開いて叫んだ。「私、間違ってないもん。小山先生が好き。ママになってほしい。この何年も、ずっとお世話してくれたのは小山先生だよ。私のどこが悪いの。悪いって言うなら、パパのほうでしょ。前は小山先生に優しかったのに、ママが出て行ったら、急に後悔し始めて」「七菜!」安彦の怒鳴り声と同時に、平手打ちが落ちた。叩いた直後、彼の指がわずかに震えた。その光景は愛海にとっても信じがたいものだ。「安彦、話せば分かることでしょう。どうして子どもを叩くの」愛海には思惑もあったし、私が去ることを望んでいた面も確かにある。けれど子どもが好きなのは本心で、七菜を大切に思っているのも嘘ではなかった。子どもは大人が思
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