悔やみきれぬまま、愛は焼き尽くされた

"Say 'fuck you,' kiddo."

"Fuc—"

"What kind of nonsense are you teaching my child!" I interrupted just as my child was about to speak.

I was only halfway up the stairs when I heard the shameless things this man was teaching my child. He's just like his older brother, who left me high and dry while I was three weeks pregnant.

"So that when he meets my brother, he'll already be an expert!" He laughed and tickled my child's stomach.

I didn't know how he found out I was pregnant and that his brother was the father. Zon was three years old when he suddenly appeared, threatening to tell his brother if I didn't allow him near his nephew.

"Just leave, Laki!" I was just short of throwing my slipper at this grinning demon.

"You're bad, Tito Laki. You made my Momma angry." My five-year-old acted out, crossing his little arms over his chest. He's turning six soon.

"Do you want your daddy, kiddo? I can bring him here—"

"Really?" He seemed to have fooled my child again.

"Laki?" I caught Laki's attention, so he turned to me. "Would you like a double slap?"

He quickly raised both his hands as if surrendering, but he still wore a smirk.

I remembered what happened back then. I was just sixteen years old when Zon's father left me.

I held my belly while crying in front of the father of the child I was carrying.

"Who is she, Laz?" the beautiful woman asked gently.

"Get in my car, baby," Laz told his companion. He turned to me and glared. "What are you still looking at? Leave!"

I didn't leave. I stayed and continued to cry in front of him.

"Laz? Why is she crying? Tell me," her voice was so gentle, like an angel.

"Get in my car, now, Sammantha," Laz cooed sweetly to the woman.

His treatment of the woman made my chest ache even more.

"L-Lazarus, please..." I begged until I found myself kneeling in front of him.

This hurt so much. It was a pain that felt unbearable. I didn't love him, but I didn't want my baby to grow up without a father.

I was doing this for the child's well-being, not for my own desires.

I watched as he roughly tugged at his own hair before I bent down and touched the floor.

He knelt too, and he roughly grabbed my hair to force our gazes to meet.

He looked at me harshly.

"I don't want to see your face. From now on, don't let me fucking push you away."

His words only made me cry more. He let go of my hair with force and stood up.

He wrapped his strong, muscular arms around Sammantha's waist.

"Wait, Laz—"

"Get in, okay?" Lazarus cut off whatever Sammantha was going to say and kissed her forehead.

Sammantha had no choice but to get into the front seat of Lazarus' car.

Lazarus turned and opened the driver's seat. He was about to get in when I stood up and spoke.

"Y-You're so selfish, but thank you. Thank you for giving me this little blessing. I hope you sleep soundly every night, Lazarus."

He entered the car and drove off quickly.

I watched his car move away until I felt the rain start to fall.

I caressed my belly. It's not that big. I'm three weeks pregnant and now I'm trying to convince my baby's father to help me.

But he didn't.

He left me pregnant.

"Y-Your daddy left us, baby..."

Almost six years have passed since all that happened, but until now, everything is still crystal clear in my mind.

"Zon! Baby, what did you do?" I quickly approached Zon. In just a minute that I left, the living room was already in chaos.

Laki had left after his older brother called him to take care of something.

He quickly hid the toy cars he was holding, even though he was caught red-handed.

"Broom, Momma?" he innocently asked.

"No, it's not a broom. It's a car, baby," I corrected him, as all he knew was the sound of a car. So he called it a broom.

He bowed his head, seeming a bit sad because of my slightly stern voice.

"Come here," I extended my hand to him, and he quickly approached.

"Sorry, Momma." He hugged me around the neck and kissed my cheek.

"It's okay, baby. Now, let's get you washed up!" I said happily to him.

After we got ready for our outing, we quickly left. My cousin used my car, so we just took public transportation.

"Momma, where are we going?" my son asked with pure innocent curiosity in his eyes.

"Where do you want to go, baby?" I wanted him to choose where we'd go.

His face suddenly fell, and he lowered his head.

"Da-ddy..."

I stopped in my tracks, still carrying him. There weren't any cars passing by yet; we were just outside the gates of our subdivision.

I bit my lower lip.

I didn't have an answer for him.

I tried to push out of his mind what he wanted, so I decided we'd go to the mall and buy toys. But first, I needed to withdraw some money from my bank account, so we stopped at an ATM near a bank. It was within walking distance, so I carried my child to prevent him from getting tired.

Several years have passed. He might even be married to someone else by now.

We stood in line at the ATM machine, and I held Zon's hand tightly. When it was our turn, I let go of him for a moment to look for my ATM.

It took me a little while to find it, but I did.

When the money came out, I was surprised. I looked to where Zon was a moment ago, but he was gone.

"Zon? Luzon?" I looked around to find him, but I couldn't locate the fair-skinned child in a black hoodie.

"What's taking you so long, miss! Aren't you done? It's my turn!" the woman behind me complained.

I quickly apologized and walked towards the bank's entrance.

I was getting nervous.

White vans are still quite common these days.

I took a deep breath when I saw Zon had already entered the bank. My brow furrowed as I noticed he was following a man who had his back turned, walking towards a private room. I quickly entered, my child still following him. The man was even dressed in formal business attire. My child looked up at him, as if wanting to see the face of the person he was following. The man didn't notice because Zon only reached up to his waist, making it impossible for him to see the child. He had to bend down to catch a glimpse of my child who was trailing him.

I ran towards my child and grabbed Zon by the shoulders to make him stop walking and following the unfamiliar man. He was still looking up, his little neck almost craned, as if he really wanted to see the face of the person he was trailing.

"Zon! Oh God! Baby, don't leave without asking permission..." I knelt in front of my child and because my voice was so loud, it also made the man Zon was following stop in his tracks. I saw his feet move and turn towards us. I pressed my lips together when I saw the other people around us also starting to look at us.

"Momma! I found daddy!" my child said happily, pointing at the man he was following, which was why my cheeks immediately flushed with embarrassment.

"Shh, no, that's embarrassing, baby. He's not your daddy," I scolded my child, still not looking at the man he was following because I was feeling so mortified.

"But Momma! Look!" he lifted a photo he was holding.

It's Lazarus' photograph.

Where did he get that?

I stood up and took a deep breath. I looked up at the man my child had been following, intending to apologize, but I froze when I met his gaze.

His calm but intense eyes bore into me.

I took a step back because of what I saw. I held Zon even tighter.

"No, he's not your daddy, Zon. Let's go, okay? Let's find another daddy for you."