1000 Funny Ways To Die Novels & Stories

I expect him to hit me for talking back, however, it doesn’t come. Instead he laughs, “You’ll serve a purpose before I decide what kind of death I will offer you. I want something gruesome and new, but right now I’m out of ideas,” he says. “I will have to go back to my million ways to kill handbook.” Wait, what? Does such a handbook really exist?

He let out that deep, pot-bellied laugh before he finally spoke. “Ah. I haven’t had this type of fresh entertainment in a long time.” He said. “We should have females frequently shifting out of sanity like this. It will be fun to watch you rip flesh every now and then, old friend.” He added and the crowd roared in agreement while I swallowed. Could they at least release me while they discussed my death? Not that I’m saying I accept dying. It would just be nice for anyone to have a breather. Not actually die before they are killed. You know what I mean?

“And what’s that?” “I want you to make me immortal.” His expression twisted with horror and disgust. “Are you insane? Demons aren’t immortal. And you want me to turn you into one?” Wait. Demons can die? “Okay, okay. But... how do you die?” “If we’re beheaded. Or injured beyond repair.” Duly noted: decapitation equals demon death. Then he started laughing. A loud, deep, devilish cackle that shook my bones. I closed my eyes, bracing for a fireball or something worse.

She slurred. Levi and Mateo, “But there is one thing I still want – if I die in a very cool way – like shot to death or something – not die from old age or boredom.” She rolled her eyes, “And one of you has to tell the other about my death. I want you to say BLAIRE DOWN,” She laughed. “I think it is a very cool way of declaring my death.” She slurred. Mateo chuckled and took the glass from her hand, “Okay, yeah – I think you had enough.”

"Please drop the knife, Zaahida. Let's talk about this in a civilized manner." "Civilized manner?" She chuckled, humorlessly. "I have tried that as well, but..." She puffed out air from her mouth. "It didn't work. I realized I have to try another method. This method. Action! So tell me, Zynah...how do you want to die? Should I slit your throat or...cut your wrist instead? I want to get this over and done with."

We stayed energetic up until the music is almost ending. I stared at Tim as he sung the outro lyrics devotedly. “If we only die once, I wanna die with you. If we only live once, I wanna live...” he then stared at me and smiled. “With you.”

Phillip replied. “Well if you’re going to keep with that attitude your life will be ended very soon for sure” Eletrish replied “What do you mean? You just said they were arguing.” Phillip replied “Oh yeah I should of given the contents of the argument, They are arguing which death penalty method to use on you see the chair and lethal injection are both on the table but an exceptionally cruel and barbaric idea has been put on the table of putting you in a room full of angry bees and letting the sting you to death which is currently gaining favor amoung them. Now I’m offering you a deal not only to save your life but also save the health of those who rallied behind you.” Sir Eletrish replied

Otherwise, I would be in a lot of trouble. "Expecting?" Geofrey urged, curiosity coloring his expression. "My death." I lied, hoping that he would buy it. "Did you at least go out in a blaze of glory?" He asked, seeming disappointed with my response. Feeling a surge of annoyance rush through me, I held back my initial response. What kind of person shows that much excitement over someone's death? "Would be boring to just die in your sleep." He continued to muse. "Would be better to die battling, or at least imploding, maybe?"

"Give up! If you continue to struggle, you will not be able to escape death. You will die! You have already angered us enough. If you continue, you will only bring about your own destruction... ... oh, although you can do whatever you want, we will not let you off. You are still a dead man! However, if you cooperate with us obediently, you can still choose how to die!" "Yeah, there are thousands of ways to die! If you choose a suitable way to die, it will be a happy thing! While we are in a good mood, it is better to cooperate with us obediently than to completely irritate us and die without a burial place or an intact body! You don't look like a fool, and you should understand how to choose

Enough to want me dead. Staring death in the face, suddenly, questions circle in my brain — How does a chicken pee? Do they make mouse-flavored cat food? Do coffins have lifetime guarantees? How do you handcuff a one-armed man? If a Smurf chokes, what color does it turn? Can blind people see their dreams? Do penguins have knees? Does it hurt when you die? Either this is the ‘life flashing before your eyes’ thing, or dying means losing your mind. Weird.