1000 Funny Ways To Die Novels & Stories

Enough to want me dead. Staring death in the face, suddenly, questions circle in my brain — How does a chicken pee? Do they make mouse-flavored cat food? Do coffins have lifetime guarantees? How do you handcuff a one-armed man? If a Smurf chokes, what color does it turn? Can blind people see their dreams? Do penguins have knees? Does it hurt when you die? Either this is the ‘life flashing before your eyes’ thing, or dying means losing your mind. Weird.

Sometimes I bleed from my nose and can't make it stop. I research dying. Learn about hospice, about what happens to a body when the bone marrow fails, about how long it takes to drown in your own blood. Morbid, maybe. But educational. I make a plan. When it gets too bad, I'll check myself into a hospital under my maiden name, claim I have no family, and die quietly. They'll cremate me. Maybe scatter my ashes somewhere that doesn't matter. It seems fitting. I lived like I didn't matter. I'll die the same way.

As he spoke, his tone remained devoid of emotion, as if he were merely recounting someone else's story. "I want to sever all ties with them completely. But I refuse to let them off so easily. Faking my death is my best option." Lisa studied the man before her, a trace of sympathy surfacing in her eyes. She thought for a moment before responding seriously. "Logically, drowning at sea is the easiest way to fake a death, but after what you just went through, I doubt you'd want to go near the ocean anytime soon. Falling off a cliff is too risky. I'd recommend a car accident instead."

“By too young I take it you mean, too young to die? Well, there was no life in there either. There is no life there. TB had taken over and children followed one another in their deaths. Many of us couldn’t stay anymore. Staying there only meant waiting for death to finally come visit you. And you know that that visitor will not love you and leave you. But he will love you so much that he will take you with him. We could not afford that. I know I will die someday, but that is not how I want to die.” “You know you cannot choose your way to die?” “But some deaths can be avoided.” Vincent argued, “If you stay away from gangster lifestyle, that’s one way of avoiding death. If you keep away from p

At first, I was shocked by the large amount of money they put into their stupid bet, but soon the shock was replaced with astonishment by their wild imagination. Death by drowning was, of course, there, and no surprise it was Boris's pick. They also included driving into a ditch, choking on food, even breaking my neck after falling from the stairs, and many other stupid things. It may sound insensible, borderline sadistic to bet on my death, but in their defense, it all happened to me before.

Camille laughed or tried to, but only guttural gurgling, a sound she was slowly starting to associate with her death, spluttered through her lips. "You think it's funny, don't you?" he asked. Yeah, it was funny, Camille thought as she gurgled again, and blood trickled down the corner of her lips. She always knew she was going straight to hell, but she never thought it would be in such a violent manner.

but it’s too late the weird thing about this is that you can see your body inside the coffin, then it is even weirder when you attend your own funeral I can see my friends crying, my former classmates, and finally, my ex over there crying because of my loss “John Carl why did you die suddenly? I will help you rank up on Mobile Legends, right!?”-David (crying) I’m stronger than you! “Poor you. I know stupid people like you die easily but it’s too early.” - Phil “Sorry !!! sorry John Carl !! I know you were hurt when I turned you down but I hope you let me apologize first!!- Dessa (crying)

"Underpants." To his credit, he didn't outright laugh, but he sound incredulous when he said, "Seriously?" She bobbed her head. "Unfreakn' believable." He couldn't help his sarcasm from showing through when he added, "Let me guess, those are usually missing too?" "No. But they don't belong to the prisoner either." "Geez, this is getting weird." "No, this is weird. The third accidental deaths are drowning." "How does someone drown in a cell?" He no sooner asked than he uttered, "Oh. Ooooh." He blew out a breath. "The ultimate swirly. What a rotten way to go."

I exclaimed, laughing hysterically. “That would be the most epic way to die, don’t you think?” He said as he wiggled his eyebrows at me. “You’re not going to die with your dick inside of me.” I said as I looked down. “We’re about 15 seconds from dying anyways.” I shrugged. “What about just a solid thrust. Not actually fucking, but just having my dick comfortably inside of you.” He said as he tilted his head and smirked. “Keep dreaming.” I said as I gave him a playful look.

How was he so happy and eager when it came to all the horrible ways people died? "That doesn't sound real," Emmet bluntly put out with nothing else to say. "Oh, I know. It's pure propaganda. It's about how the future Sýnnefan tradition of setting the dead in caskets into the sea is supposed to be wrong. Their people can be burned into ashes first, or placed into a floating coffin, or in a sinking coffin. If you feel like being pretentious, you can set your dead family's floating coffin on fire," Jasper smiled out a bit too widely, one eye twitching rapidly.