Novel & Cerita Best Your Mom Jokes

When I was born, I was already a certified liar. That's a fact that everyone seems to agree with. The truth is, my mom, who's a scientist, has implanted advanced chips into me and my fraternal twin brother, Ryan Hartwell, when we were still babies. By right, as long as we lie or make mistakes, our mom will receive the devil signal from the chips. Then, she'll administer electrical shocks as a form of punishment. Ryan's chip often transmits the smiley signal. Even if he destroys our mom's research equipment and pins the blame on me, his chip still has the smiley branded on it. Meanwhile, when I reach home ten minutes later than usual because I had to help out a classmate, my chip transmits the scary devil signal. The next thing I know, I've already crippled to the floor from the intense pain caused by the electrical shock. At first, I'll still explain to Mom what happened. But she often exclaims, "Don't think you can pull off clever little tricks just like that gambling father of yours! The chip is ten thousands times smarter than you! The punishments will only be branded into your bones if the pain is searing enough! What I'm doing is saving your life!" After suffering from the pain countless times, I get brainwashed into thinking that I really am a liar and a troublemaker by nature. On the night of Christmas Eve, Mom comes to the attic to tell Ryan to join the family at the table for the Christmas dinner. That's when my asthma suddenly acts up, causing me to stumble and fall to the floor. "I… I can't breathe… Save me, Mom…" But Mom just coldly gazes at the devil signal that she has just received on her phone. Then, she dials the shock value to the maximum. "You don't have asthma at all! Ugh, you're kicking up another fuss just to attract attention! Seriously, you never change your ways!" After that, she takes Ryan's hand and leads him out of the attic. Soon, she slams the door heavily behind her. As I suffer from asphyxiation while on my deathbed, I can't help but think that Mom is right. After all, my chip has just transmitted the devil signal. Maybe the asthma attack really is just a figment of my imagination. I've always been a bad girl who loves lying to others, after all. When Mom finds out that this is the last time I've ever lied to her, she must be really happy, right?

I stared at my stepfather with the intense feeling going under my wet soaked undies . “ you are so wet for daddy you little slut “ he whispered biting softly at my ear lobe . I swallowed the unknown lump on my throat and looked helplessly at my step father and the words that I had been dying to say slipped out of my mouth . “ fuck me daddy , fuck me like a dirty little slut “

"Why did you leave the party in such a hurry earlier?" Ignoring her sarcasm, Kaleb changed the subject. He just had to ask! The audacity he had! Sasha smirked. "Did you want to enjoy seeing the girl you just a few minutes ago making a friendly chat with your girlfriend?" she snapped, her wound reopened. "Oh, so you left because of Claire?" Again, Kaleb's voice was mocking. "No, I left because of me," Sasha recoiled, and it was her stupidity sending him a text. "And what about you and Samson? I see the way he looked at you at the party. He seems to really like you and the both of you seem really familiar with each other. What do I make out of that?" Kaleb sounded different, odd even. —---------- When Kaleb Luthor decides to move back to the town he grew up in, Sasha Sullivan is bombarded with a lot of emotions. This is a guy she has had a crush on for as long as she can remember, and this is her chance to make him see her more than just his sister's best friend. But as she gets closer to Kaleb, Sasha realizes that he's a totally different guy from the one she has built up in her head, but she still can't let him go. A one night stand was all she needed… But she isn't prepared for the consequences that one night could bring…. And what an affair with Kaleb Luthor would do to her friendship with her best friend, Tilly Luthor.

I, Lilian Newton, am the top luxury goods repair specialist. 90 percent of the store's revenue comes from me. Three years on the job, I turn a little shop that nearly goes bankrupt into a nationwide chain. Just because I am two minutes late to work, the new manager locks the front door and plans to take the staff on a trip. I ask her why I was not informed. She scoffs and says, "The capable should do more work. We are going on a trip. You stay behind to work overtime. If you can't handle it, then get lost!" I laugh in exasperation and call my husband right away. "I hear you're planning to fire me. Is that it?"

Trapped between Alpha and his son and left in the game of betryal, Avery must play her chess well to seek vengeance for her late parents and get rid of the Alpha and his son who were her enemies. What happens when she finds out he is her second chance mate and her parents are still alive somewhere?

My mom is terrified of being laughed at by others the most. Whenever the holidays are here, she will keep repeating one sentence to me—"Don't go around embarrassing me." When my relatives gather around and chat with each other, I accidentally knock a fruit platter over. Mom drags me over and slaps me on the spot. At the holiday feast, I grab extra pieces of steak for myself. Mom responds by kicking my chair over. When it's time for the holiday gifts to be distributed, my aunt, Gabriella Hall, has miscalculated the number of children present among the family. So, she has prepared one less gift for the occasion. Mom doesn't hesitate to kick me out of the apartment, leaving me shivering in the cold corridor in just my indoor clothes. The icy winds chill me to the bone. I keep slamming my palms on the front door while screaming and crying my apologies at Mom, and yet she remains unmoved and silent. Instead, she turns to face Aunt Gabriella with an apologetic smile on her face. "I'm really sorry. I didn't raise my daughter well. It's only fair that you ridicule me." What Mom doesn't know is that I get triggered whenever I hear the word "ridicule" thanks to her so-called parenting lessons. Whenever I hear that word, I want nothing more than to hurt myself uncontrollably. So when I hear the word "ridicule" coming out of Mom's mouth through the front door, I turn on my heel quietly and begin making my way toward the bridge next to the neighborhood that's plunged into darkness. The moment I jump from the bridge, the only thought I have is, "Mom, no one will ridicule you because of me this time."

Isn't it amazing for you and your childhood best friend to attend college together? That's what Emma and Mila thought, not knowing that college days held a lot for them. What they had in mind was nothing like what they faced in reality. Mila has always been the extrovert, wise and reliable one while Emma was the introvert and naïve one. Despite their differences, the two girls had a strong friendship and an amazing bond that many people wished for. When Emma starts hanging out with her new group of friends at college, her friendship with Mila will go downhill and no matter what Mila does, Emma won't listen to her best friend. Things will get worse between the two girls and their friendship will get tested in many ways. Will their friendship be strong enough after all the things they will go through to make them hold onto each other?

Clay Nikolaidis: I don't know why everyone's so worried about me. I'm happy being single. H-A-P-P-Y, Happy. I don't understand why my twin sister thought her getting married and having my niece and nephew meant I felt left behind. Least of all, to the point that she decided I needed a dog… It’s a joke. She gave me a corgi and said he’s my new wingman. of a wingman, I've been striking out, and worse, just got evicted from my apartment. Now I'm staying at my cousin's place till I find a new one. This dog owes me. Xenia Rosario: I've loved everything about living in the Big Apple. Everything but my apartment seems to be big here. Shoebox apartment aside, I just became the owner of Tinkerbell, a therapy training dropout. Trust me when I say her name is meant to be ironic. She's bigger than me. This is probably how I got dragged through the park, and if I ever find the owner of that tiny dog who scared Tink, I'm giving them a piece of my mind. This is a standalone story but is the fifth book in the Ravenwood series. Book 1 - The Princess of Ravenwood Book 2 - Chasing Kitsune Book 3 - Expect The Unexpected Book 4 - Out Of My League Book 5 - Man's Best Wingman

BLURB After a painful teenage rejection from her crush who happens to be her father's best friend, Sophia is determined to win over his heart at all costs, especially now that she is going off to college and would be living under the same roof as Henry. He is a 40-year-old breathtakingly handsome man. He doesn't even look a day over forty. Henry is a renowned businessman and also best friend and business partner with Collin's Sophia dad. When Sophia moves in to live with him, he tries to resist the urge to be with her especially knowing all the complexity it would cause, him being twice her age and knowing Collins would adamantly kick against it, But he begins to nurture strong feelings for Sophia which is at first disguised as Jealousy and later he realizes he has fallen deeply in love with her. What would they do with this growing strong affection they have towards each other and how would they deal with all the complexity that comes with being in-love?

Daniel Walter took his best friend, Kira Michael to a party and slept with her right in front of his friends. Kira couldn't forget the fact that Daniel slept with her forcefully. She traveled out of the country and months later, she had twins. Daniel's children. Five years later, Kira suffered a lot to cater for her children. She finally got a job as a personal assistant to a new CEO and turned out to be Daniel. Her long time best friend. Everything turned into a mess. Daniel wanting forgiveness, a second chance and take responsibilities but Kira never wanted to associate with him not even getting close to the children he knew she had for him.