Best Your Mom Jokes Novels & Stories

Leon Vincent, the shark of Warren Street, is the one who raised me. Twelve years ago, a fire tore through the orphanage and took everything from me. He was the one who pulled me out of the flames and gave me a second chance at life. To repay him, we make a weird deal—a 99-debt contract. I have to either obey him or be abandoned 99 times. After that, the debt will be cleared. Every time he goes on a date with some high-society socialite, he'll toss another insanely expensive piece of jewelry into my safe. In just two short years after turning 18, I've accumulated 96 diamonds in my safe, each one marking the 96 times he's cast me aside. One day, his fiancee, Elena Harrington, sends me a provocative email. "Dearest Isabelle, Leon and I are finalizing the wedding invitations. Do you think velvet with gold foil or matte leather would be more elegant? The ceremony's early next month. Can't wait to see you there! Love, Elena." Right after that, Leon calls, asking me to pack his bags for the summit in Parienne tomorrow. I simply send the wedding gift I've prepared in advance—a seven-figure emerald necklace—straight to his darling Elena without any words. That night, Leon returns to the apartment and finds out what I've done. He praises me for being considerate. Late into the night, he pulls me into his arms with rare tenderness. Nothing is left between us; no clothes, no holding back. He whispers that he wants to give me a special kind of reward, one that only I can carry. Somehow, Elena discovers my pregnancy. She stands on the balcony of Vincent Estate, screaming like her life depends on it. "Leon, I'm begging you! Don't let her have that baby! If you do, I'll jump!" The cold and proud Leon begs me, for the first time, to get rid of the baby. Everyone at the party awaits my breakdown, but I just smile softly and nod. "Alright. I will." He whispers in my ear, "Our marriage is just a business arrangement. I don't even like her. Once we're divorced, I'll give you another baby." What he fails to realize is that it was never in my plans to keep this one. There are only three more times left before I pay off this life debt from when he pulled me out of that fire all those years ago. After the 99th time, I board a ship bound for Azara to join a medical research mission. From that moment on, my life will be mine alone to live for.

In order to stop me from spending money recklessly, my mom has exchanged my college living expenses into coupons. If I need to buy anything, I must buy it online. Also, I need to send a copy of my expenses sheet and the details behind said expenses to my mom so that she can check everything thoroughly. Only when she's given me her permission can I buy that item. When I tell my mom I want to buy a shirt, she tells me, "I remember you could still wear that shirt back in your high school days. You should just stick with it. Why waste your money on new clothes?" During winter, I can only wear the old sweater I've been wearing since my high school times while huddling in a corner of my dorm and nibbling on a sandwich. Meanwhile, my mom smugly posts a picture of the six-thousand-dollar dress she has just bought on her social media feed. "What a beautiful dress!"

My mom tends to speak the truth no matter what the occasion it is. When my boyfriend visits our family, Mom makes small talk with him happily. "Tiffany once contracted HPV when she was in her second year of college. Please don't judge her for that. Haha!" When my friend comes over to hang out with me, Mom leans in to take a closer look at her face. "With those high cheekbones and hollow cheeks, you've got 'short life' written all over your face! I guess only Tiffany is willing to hang out with you." Later on, I finally nailed a job as a governmental employee after putting in hard work for half a year. During the background check, Mom starts running her mouth about the "truth" again. "I think there's something wrong with Tiffany's moral ethics. First of all, she loves lying. Second of all, she's disrespectful to me. If your department does end up hiring her, you've gotta be careful." Undoubtedly, I get disqualified because of her words. That's when I get into a huge fight with Mom. But that woman has the audacity to talk back to me. "All I did was speak the truth about you! The fact that your department doesn't want you means that you lack the capability! Don't ever think that you get to pin the blame on me!" I fall silent at her words. Since Mom loves telling the truth that much, I might as well use the truth to destroy her.

My cousin, Isabelle Cox, dies of cancer. However, my adoptive parents, who have always loved her the most, don't shed a single tear. Instead, they go on an overseas trip with my adoptive brother, Cedric Cox. After they return, they give me an exquisite doll and ask me to put it right next to my bed every night. My adoptive mother, Vivian Mason, looks at my swollen eyes and smiles tenderly. "Why, you're such a grateful and sentimental kid. This is such a pretty doll. Let it stay by your side and accompany you like it's your sister, alright?" I agree. Later, my body becomes increasingly weak, and I sleep all day. One day, when I wake up, I am horrified to find that I am trapped inside the doll and can't move at all. My deceased cousin, Isabelle, became "me"! Beaming widely, she cuts my hair and also my limbs one by one. Then, she throws my mutilated body into the fire. As the flames engulf me, I see my adoptive family standing behind her. On their faces, they show happy and relieved expressions. When I open my eyes again, I am back to the day when they give me the doll.

This book follows the story of childhood best friends Luciano and Natalie Luciano has been in love with Natalie for as long as he can remember, but he doesn't think that Natalie reciprocates those feelings and so he continues being the best friend Natalie has mixed feelings. she is not sure whther she loves his as a friend or not years into their friendship, Luciano is in 'need' of a wife and so asks Natalie for her hand in marriage as he does not want to tie himself to someone else

(18+ | A Forbidden Reverse Harem ) “Who are we to you, Lily? ”Jaxon’s voice is low and dangerous, his billionaire fingers tangled in my hair, forcing my tear-streaked face up to his cold, commanding gaze.“Say it,” Dante growls into my ear, his surgeon’s precision turned filthy, his grip bruising my hips as he slams deeper, each thrust shaking me to my core.“You’re… you’re my alpha daddies,” I sob, the confession shattering as he drives harder, making my suspended body quake. “You’re my protectors! ”“That’s fucking right,” Elias snarls, the whip in his firefighter hand cracking across my ass cheeks hard enough to leave a burning mark.I whimper from the sharp sting, my body bracing harder against Dante while my chained hands grasp desperately at the links for something or anything to hold onto.“And who are you to us? ”Jaxon demands, the cage fighter in him making it an unbreakable order.“Your baby! ” I wail.“Louder, baby girl,” he commands, voice like steel wrapped in velvet. “Say every word we’ve taught you, every filthy truth we’ve waited years to hear fall from those pretty lips.”“I’m your Lily… your filthy little secret… I belong to all four of you and always have!” I scream as another orgasm tears through my chained body.“That’s a good little baby girl,” Elias praises, his rough hands tracing the fresh mark. ⚠️ EXTREME DARK TABOO FILTH ⚠️ Strictly 18+.

“Who am I to you?I want to hear you moan it” “You are my sugar dada,” I responded huskily, my lips trembling faintly. “And you are…?” he teased, his voice thickening with heat, while he devoured me with his eyes as he swallowed hard. “I’m your little toy,” I whispered,my voice dripping with desire. “That’s my princess,” he said with a wicked grin, his tongue trailing slowly around my neck. His hand slid up and grabbed my breasts, squeezing gently before his mouth found my nipple. He tugged with his teeth, sending a jolt through me. ***** Charlotte Dame wasn’t in London to cry over a breakup. She just wanted a change of scenery, a little peace, not another man. Then she bumped into Clinton Hinns— a 53-year-old billionaire way too sexy for his age. She was 27, guarded, and not looking to fall for someone twice her age. But some temptations don’t knock, they crash right into you. From quiet seduction, and risky demands, she soon finds herself wrapped up in wild evenings, erotic adventures, and illicit cravings tangled in reckless trios and thrilling paths of love, desire, and wicked indulgence awaiting Charlotte. She indulges her desires and embraces her freedom to the fullest. Her Sugar Daddy is irresistible, that’s for sure. He’s older, and It doesn’t bother her. He showers her with luxurious gifts and pampers her to the fullest. She’s definitely living her dream life, but a dark truth comes to light — one that could turn her world upside down and crush her reality. What if it’s more terrifying than she could have imagined? When it finally hits her, just one thought fills her mind. let’s hop on this ride! RATED 18 - proceed with caution

Delmar fell in love with a childhood friend named Brisa who was getting married in two days. "I love you, Bri." "Are you crazy, Del?" "Yeah, I'm crazy for loving you. And also face the fact that you will marry someone else! I have gone mad!” "We're friends, Del." “But it's been a long time since I no longer consider you as my best friend. I love you, Bri." Delmar's hope is the only hope. Bri left him without answering his question at all. Because Brisa did not accept the feeling, Delmar chose to leave. Five years later he returned and found Brisa had many physical injuries which she assumed were the result of domestic violence. Will Delmar save Brisa or let Brisa live with her choices?

Second Edition Warning #slow burner #violence #sexual activity At eighteen Gabriella Chambers has no wolf and has no mate, so why is the Academy for shifters demanding she attends? When Gabbie gets there she's demoted to omega, the lowest rank in the pack. The only thing she looks forward to is seeing her best friend Alex again. Things have changed. Alex is a feared and respected Alpha Heir, strong and s*xy, but Gabbie is still his best friend. Even though an Alpha and an Omega must never mix. Things get complicated when Alpha Kade, Alex's rival for battle season, crosses paths with fiery Gabbie. In Kade's pack Omegas are scum, but what happens when simple encounters turn into something more. To add fuel to the fire, Gabbie is a target for three Alpha Females, including Alex's mate and Kade's chosen mate. A mystery blooms while Gabbie's at the academy that involves her past and her family. Will Gabbie survive long enough to awaken her wolf and find her mate?

From Best Friends To Secret Lovers!! Rory and Todd have been best friends for thirteen years. They thought they knew every secret between them but a playful dare unlocked a lifetime of hidden feelings. It strips away the pretense and leaves only a burning, undeniable truth: They’re in love. But now they have to battle the outside world that is desperate to keep them as ‘best friends’