Best Your Mom Jokes Novels & Stories

I counted the numbers in my head silently to give my mother a time to retract her words but when she didn't, I knew then that she's telling the truth. Actually I know that my mother never jokes. She said she hated wasting people's time by making them laugh. She's not your typical human being because she is Divina Buenaventura, the greatest businesswoman I know. "You're kidding," was all I could say. "You're just bluffing, mom. Ha! Ha! Ha! Now you made me laugh. Now tell me it's only a joke." But she never took back her words. She kept sitting on her chair like a queen on her throne looking at me, her mere subject.

Mom wiped the sweat off her brow, "I need cock." Jenn laughed, "Mom, I think we're in luck. There's two hard cocks here." "But daughter, they are our family." Dad and I were on our feet and standing over them as Jenn answered. "Yes, how convenient. Have you fucked your son?" Mom looked at me and I moved between her legs as she answered, "Why yes, many times. Have you fucked Daddy?" Dad was between Jenn's legs, the head of his cock just pressing at her entrance as she answered, "Many, many times Mommy. I've fucked my brother too."

my mom said as she stood up. "Mom!!!" I couldn't help but yell in amusement. My mom didn't talk instead, she winked at me and went up the stairs. "Don't mind my mom, she can act crazy sometimes" I said with an apologetic smile to Liam. "I heard that!!" my mom shouted up the stairs making me laugh nervously. Liam's chuckle echoed throughout the living room and I couldn't help but join in the laughter. Our laugh slowly died down as Liam held his ribs.

I can’t be too careful. God, I wish she was right less often. It’d make moving away and resenting her phone calls way easier. “Will do,” I say. “How are things back home?” She spits out a few rapid-fire anecdotes. Mom has the craziest ability to strip the humor out of even the funniest stories. I make it through one about a woman that apparently used to coach my soccer team throwing eggs at her husband during a town meeting without cracking a smile. “And you, Benjamin?” she asks.

My mom had spent my entire life convincing me I was beautiful. “How’s work?” “Good.” “You’re lying, you don’t sound good.” I laughed. “Why does everyone keep saying that?” “Because you’re a terrible liar.” Ava nearly choked on her drink from laughing. Mom heard. “Is Ava there?” “Yes.” “Good.” Ava grabbed the phone immediately. “mummy.” “My favorite daughter.” I gasped. “Excuse me?” “You heard me.” Both women laughed. Traitors. The conversation continued for several minutes before Mom asked to speak to me again.

Yup, it's official, my brother is weird. -------------------------------------------------------- I never thought Mom would actually let me go out of the house at 9pm. But sure enough, she was sitting on her favourite couch eating eba and banga soup watching Legally Blonde and telling me to 'have fun and be home before midnight'. Maybe it was beause she had just gotten off the phone with Richard few minutes ago. Stupid Richard. Making my Mom act like a love sick teenager. She's Not in love with him! She loves Dad and that's the only man she'll ever love.

but mom wanted to play some fun games with me and Maurvi. " Oh please, mom can't we play those games tomorrow??? " " No... " Mom said. " Mom, I am tired and want to sleep... Please don't waste my time. " I said that and everyone burst out laughing. " What??? I want to sleep... " I said. " Hmmm and we all are wasting your precious time. " Sid said and all my friends burst out laughing. " What is so funny??? Idiots. " I said and they laughed again.

It takes a few seconds before she asks “What?” “He won the ‘no-bell’ prize!” and suddenly all the laugh that I keep holding in has let out like a demon leaving a body. I remember scrolling through F******k and seeing that post for the first time. I laughed so hard that my mom thought there was something wrong with me. Best day of my life! Still never fails to crack me up! I calm down, letting out bits of chortles. When I look at Sadie, she’s not laughing. Instead, she looks at me with her eyebrows furrowed. I turn back around, flustered.

I groaned. “Mom, I’m really not in the mood for jokes. It was a long drive and I’m getting a killer headache.” “Because you are drinking too much,” she mumbled. Darting my line of vision to her I wanted to talk back. ‘Well you offered,’ my subconscious screamed. “This isn’t a joke,” Justin now had a thick accent like he was from bloody England. Ha, see what I did there? “Mother,” I chastised which had my Mom standing up. She gave me the same stare when she caught me coming home at 5 a.m. hanging out with my friends and soap bombing the town’s water fountain. “What?” I fiend innocence.

Mom was the one who replied, but when I told them Aqui was just playing with my n*pple, Dad giggled. "The saying is not always right then. Sometimes fathers know best," he teased. "That sometimes is only a few times. So don't celebrate there," my mom responded with her eyebrow raised. "At least there are moments," Dad insisted and he gave Mom a grin. "Whatever!" My short-tempered mother cut him off.