Best Your Mom Jokes

I stared at my stepfather with the intense feeling going under my wet soaked undies . “ you are so wet for daddy you little slut “ he whispered biting softly at my ear lobe . I swallowed the unknown lump on my throat and looked helplessly at my step father and the words that I had been dying to say slipped out of my mouth . “ fuck me daddy , fuck me like a dirty little slut “

Menghilang selama 7 tahun, Nichelle kembali bersama 3 anak kembar hasil terjebak cinta satu malam dengan seorang investor. Dengan kecerdasan tinggi, triplet jenius siap mencari ayah mereka dan membalaskan dendam Nichelle.

Dominice Travis Lucas, unexpectedly accepted as P.A ( PERSONAL ASSISTANT ) of Mrs. Horman. She's not familiar to her new Boss, pero mahalaga sa kanya ngayon ang trabaho. Akala niya ay magiging P.A siya nang bagong Amo. Pero nagulat na lang siya ng malaman ang totoong pakay nito sa kanya. Gusto nito na maging SURROGATE MOTHER siya sa anak nito. Dahil hindi makabuo ang fiancee ng anak nitong si Ace Tyron Horman. Isang well-known businessman. Mahirap para kay Domi ang tanggapin, ngunit dahil sa pangangailangan ng kanyang kapatid na may sakit ay tinanggap niya ito. Naging surrogate mom siya, at hindi successful ang unang subok nila. Ngunit sa ikalawang pagkakataon ay nakabuo sila, pero ang totoo ay may nangyari pala talaga sa kanilang dalawa. Sa ama ng kanyang pinagbubuntis na si ACE TRYON HORMAN. Sa hindi alam na kadahilanan ay nagugustuhan na pala ni Domi ang ama ng kanyang pinag-bubuntis. Pero hindi niya maiwasan na masaktan dahil may iba na itong mahal.

I, Lilian Newton, am the top luxury goods repair specialist. 90 percent of the store's revenue comes from me. Three years on the job, I turn a little shop that nearly goes bankrupt into a nationwide chain. Just because I am two minutes late to work, the new manager locks the front door and plans to take the staff on a trip. I ask her why I was not informed. She scoffs and says, "The capable should do more work. We are going on a trip. You stay behind to work overtime. If you can't handle it, then get lost!" I laugh in exasperation and call my husband right away. "I hear you're planning to fire me. Is that it?"

On my fifth birthday, my parents showed up at my birthday party later than usual. They brought with them a skinny little girl who couldn't seem to speak at all. I rushed over, hoping to hug Mom, only to get knocked down by her. That was how I fell into the ten-foot cake that my parents had specifically picked out for me. Buttercream filled my nose and mouth, suffocating me to no end. When I managed to climb out of the mess, I burst out in tears and asked Dad to cuddle me. But Dad retracted his hands while looking conflicted. "Don't blame your mom, Willow. From now on, you must take good care of Maple, your little sister. As long as Maple is happy, your mom will be happy." Later on, the mean kids in the neighborhood shove Maple Thompson, my new little sister, into a pile of sand. I rush over to protect her immediately. Once we get home, I mimic my parents by drawing a bath so that I can clean Maple up. That's when Mom suddenly barge into the bathroom and slap me heavily across the face. "You've already enjoyed our love for the past five years! Why are you still greedy for more? I can't believe you're trying to drown Maple right now!" Mom's eyes have gone bloodshot. She drags me by the hair and stuffs me into the washing machine. "Only a washing machine is capable of cleanse that filth out of your soul! You can only scramble out of the washing machine and apologize to Maple once you've decided to quit bullying your sister!" In the living room, Dad lowers his voice. "Keep your voice down when you're chewing Willow out. Maple is about to fall asleep. Don't go around waking her up now." Mom doesn't want to look at me anymore. Instead, she slams the lid onto the washing machine forcefully. I can't get out of the machine. What she doesn't know is that the washing machine will activate. "The 212-degree-Fahrenheit wash cycle has been activated." Scalding hot water is soon dumped onto my body. It hurts so much that I gradually lose my consciousness. Will Mom love me again once I'm squeaky clean after the wash cycle?

When I was born, I was already a certified liar. That's a fact that everyone seems to agree with. The truth is, my mom, who's a scientist, has implanted advanced chips into me and my fraternal twin brother, Ryan Hartwell, when we were still babies. By right, as long as we lie or make mistakes, our mom will receive the devil signal from the chips. Then, she'll administer electrical shocks as a form of punishment. Ryan's chip often transmits the smiley signal. Even if he destroys our mom's research equipment and pins the blame on me, his chip still has the smiley branded on it. Meanwhile, when I reach home ten minutes later than usual because I had to help out a classmate, my chip transmits the scary devil signal. The next thing I know, I've already crippled to the floor from the intense pain caused by the electrical shock. At first, I'll still explain to Mom what happened. But she often exclaims, "Don't think you can pull off clever little tricks just like that gambling father of yours! The chip is ten thousands times smarter than you! The punishments will only be branded into your bones if the pain is searing enough! What I'm doing is saving your life!" After suffering from the pain countless times, I get brainwashed into thinking that I really am a liar and a troublemaker by nature. On the night of Christmas Eve, Mom comes to the attic to tell Ryan to join the family at the table for the Christmas dinner. That's when my asthma suddenly acts up, causing me to stumble and fall to the floor. "I… I can't breathe… Save me, Mom…" But Mom just coldly gazes at the devil signal that she has just received on her phone. Then, she dials the shock value to the maximum. "You don't have asthma at all! Ugh, you're kicking up another fuss just to attract attention! Seriously, you never change your ways!" After that, she takes Ryan's hand and leads him out of the attic. Soon, she slams the door heavily behind her. As I suffer from asphyxiation while on my deathbed, I can't help but think that Mom is right. After all, my chip has just transmitted the devil signal. Maybe the asthma attack really is just a figment of my imagination. I've always been a bad girl who loves lying to others, after all. When Mom finds out that this is the last time I've ever lied to her, she must be really happy, right?

"Why did you leave the party in such a hurry earlier?" Ignoring her sarcasm, Kaleb changed the subject. He just had to ask! The audacity he had! Sasha smirked. "Did you want to enjoy seeing the girl you just a few minutes ago making a friendly chat with your girlfriend?" she snapped, her wound reopened. "Oh, so you left because of Claire?" Again, Kaleb's voice was mocking. "No, I left because of me," Sasha recoiled, and it was her stupidity sending him a text. "And what about you and Samson? I see the way he looked at you at the party. He seems to really like you and the both of you seem really familiar with each other. What do I make out of that?" Kaleb sounded different, odd even. —---------- When Kaleb Luthor decides to move back to the town he grew up in, Sasha Sullivan is bombarded with a lot of emotions. This is a guy she has had a crush on for as long as she can remember, and this is her chance to make him see her more than just his sister's best friend. But as she gets closer to Kaleb, Sasha realizes that he's a totally different guy from the one she has built up in her head, but she still can't let him go. A one night stand was all she needed… But she isn't prepared for the consequences that one night could bring…. And what an affair with Kaleb Luthor would do to her friendship with her best friend, Tilly Luthor.

Trapped between Alpha and his son and left in the game of betryal, Avery must play her chess well to seek vengeance for her late parents and get rid of the Alpha and his son who were her enemies. What happens when she finds out he is her second chance mate and her parents are still alive somewhere?

On the eve of the SATs, Sasha Lane’s diary got leaked. Every private thought she had ever hidden about her uncle, Gabriel Quinn, was dragged into the open. Humiliated. Picked apart in public. She was forced to give up the exam. Sent overseas like an exile. After that, she was branded shameless, trashy, and completely out of line. Those accusations followed her everywhere. Years passed. No matter how hard she worked, she could never shake the weight of that judgment. Even after getting into a top global university. Even after becoming a rising star in pharmaceutical research. In the end, they still pushed her toward a stable civil service job, like none of her accomplishments meant a thing. Then came the scandal. A rumor about an illegitimate child exploded overnight. For the sake of his reputation and future, Gabriel forced her into a marriage with the most powerful heir in the city, Sebastian York. Gabriel told her, “Sebastian isn’t interested in you. He only agreed to a fake marriage to deal with his family. Once things calm down, you’ll divorce.” That was the moment her heart finally went cold. She didn’t owe him anything anymore. At City Hall, Sebastian York, a man infamous for his ruthless reputation, handed Sasha his medical report. “Everything checks out. No problem consummating the marriage.” Sasha looked him over, then shrugged. “Fine. You’re this good-looking. I’m not exactly losing out.” Sasha thought Sebastian wasn’t interested in her. She was wrong. After they got married, all it took was one extra look, and something in him snapped. He treated her like his wife in public. In private, he was anything but restrained. Every touch was slow, deliberate, and dangerously tempting. He knew exactly how to get under her skin. Knew exactly how to pull her in. Before she realized what was happening, she was already in too deep. Later, Sasha posted her pregnancy update on social media. Gabriel dropped his speech mid-event and walked out without a word. He drove through a storm just to find her. Soaked to the bone, he blurted out, his voice shaking. “Sasha… divorce him. Come home with me.” Back when she loved him, he didn’t care. Now that he finally wanted her, she had nothing left to give. On the other side of a closed door, Sebastian had her pinned against him, his hand locked around her waist as he kissed her until she could barely breathe. His palm slid over her stomach, his voice low and rough, coaxing. “Be good. Let him hear you.” She was the woman he had fought to claim. And anyone who thought they could take her away? Dream on!

Isn't it amazing for you and your childhood best friend to attend college together? That's what Emma and Mila thought, not knowing that college days held a lot for them. What they had in mind was nothing like what they faced in reality. Mila has always been the extrovert, wise and reliable one while Emma was the introvert and naïve one. Despite their differences, the two girls had a strong friendship and an amazing bond that many people wished for. When Emma starts hanging out with her new group of friends at college, her friendship with Mila will go downhill and no matter what Mila does, Emma won't listen to her best friend. Things will get worse between the two girls and their friendship will get tested in many ways. Will their friendship be strong enough after all the things they will go through to make them hold onto each other?