Dirty Orphan Jokes Novels & Stories

“Now. The laugh. I heard you yesterday, when you thought no one was listening. It’s too high.” He stopped in front of me, tapping his own chest. “Elion’s was deeper. From here.” The gesture was intimate. Unexpected. I flinched. His jaw tightened instantly. “Try again,” he said. “I’ll tell you a joke. It’s a terrible one. Elion hated it.” He told it anyway... something painfully unfunny involving a squirrel and a priest. I forced out a weak chuckle, the sound thin and hollow. “No.” The word cracked like a whip.

“Yeah, I’ll be here. Your room stinks by the way, and you had the nerve to ask Bobbie to stay in here.” Jake groaned and laughed. “Still stupid, Jacky.” “Oh, no, Jake. Jacky took over Dwayne Johnsons’ routine,” I butted in and Jake snickered. “I bet he did... he’s all body but no brains.” Jake mocked, which made Jack laugh loudly. They exchanged more indecent jokes to each other before Jack left the room. My cheeks were hurting from all the laughing from these two. I connected my phone to a Bluetooth headset while finishing my cup of hot Choco.

I can’t help it, a low, dry laugh slips out, completely out of place, and instantly I feel all eyes on me. “Something funny?” she asks. “No,” I reply quickly, “just… nothing.” Mateo doesn’t say anything, but I notice it, he’s tense, uncomfortable, just as unenthusiastic as I am, even if he hides it better, like he doesn’t want to give them the satisfaction of knowing this affects him too. “Lucas,” Mark says, “what happened to your face?” “Hockey,” I answer without hesitation, “it was a game.”

he replied with a big sigh. It was at least a good hour before the jokes settled down. It would've ended sooner, but someone downloaded an app to combine their photos to see what their children would look like and the jokes started all over again. Eventually, they got bored and moved on to other things; the occasional joke did come up, but it was mild in comparison to what they had to hear before. Krista and Cameron both made jokes of their own so they could at least be part of the joke and show it doesn't bother them.

he offered, his voice friendly, disarming. He didn't seem threatening, just a little shy. He started to talk, a low, easy stream of words, pointing out constellations, then transitioning to stories about the mischievous squirrels that terrorized his flowerbeds. He seemed intent on lightening the mood, his voice a balm in the quiet night. He told a joke about a talking shrub that kept giving bad dating advice to the statues. It was a silly, innocent joke, completely out of place in this world of dark secrets and dangerous ambitions, and to my surprise, a genuine, unbidden laugh bubbled up from within me.

However, it froze when he said, "what if I actually want her?" I blinked, not expecting that. "Come on, man. I've seen her now. She's endowed, that's for sure." My fists clenched automatically. I was so ready to throw this deal away when he laughed. "I'm kidding. God, your face." He continued laughing, along with his two men. Even Pat let out a chuckle that had me glaring at him. The joke wasn't funny to me and I was certain that it was obvious, but I did calm down a bit, knowing he was only fooling around.

"Darling, not all illegal work is bad work. Maybe I'm extorting from the rich to give to the poor, you know? Eat the rich." "You're not Robinhood." "Haha. No, because I'm Jetthood." I winced and gave him a side-eye glare. "That was so bad I almost cried." "Oh, stop overreacting! Linda always laughs at my jokes, you know!" My brows rose. "Linda?" "Of course! Linda told me I joke well once when I was young, but I have to be sensitive when I have to drop the joke," he reminisced. "Why? You didn't joke at a serious time, did you?"

“I bet Az didn’t let you live that one down.” His head fell forward with a groan, “He made the same owl joke for months. ‘I heard someone in this packhouse was impersonating an owl,’” “Nooooo,” my lips pulled between my teeth as I stifled a laugh having heard that joke. “Oh yes. He got me every single time,” Finn chuckled, shaking his head. “I’d love to see photos of the two of you when you were young,” I leaned my head on his shoulder. “I’ll have to ask my mom,” Finn whispered.

The other two girls giggled, as well, and Riley chuckled. “No,” Cindy snickered. “I’m Cindy.” “Oh, that’s right,” Amy declared. “I forgot. Sorry. Go ahead, Cindy, tell us your joke.” “Okay. What did one casket say to the other casket?” Amy glanced at Riley, but the awareness in his eyes made her look away. “I don’t know,” she said. “What did one casket say to the other casket?” Cindy giggled. “Is that you coffin?” Amy laughed. The joke was funny enough on its own, but the impish look on Cindy’s face was even more amusing, making Amy laugh all the harder. “That’s a good one, Cindy.”

Forgot to tell you sooner. He had sent me messages almost three hours ago. I smile and reply. Me: That’s Ok! Sorry I didn't answer you sooner. I didn’t feel like attending, so I skipped. As we reach home, I behold myself to receive some lame one-liner about skipping classes. Some of his jokes are funny, but sometimes these are so stupid it makes me chuckle, wondering why does he even bother? “Did you know that a waffle on a California beach is called a Sandy Eggo?” He had tried this joke last evening.