If Only I Had Told Her 소설 & 이야기

I guess I just wanted someone to confirm it. The fact that she wanted me to know, makes me feel a certain way about her. I cough, trying to clear my throat to help me find my voice. I’ll tell her one time what happened. “Are you going to tell anyone what I say?” I whisper, my throat being dry from not talking. She looks surprised, “Only if you want me to. Otherwise, what you say is between us.” She answers and I nod. “I want you to tell them, I can’t.” I say and she nods.

I told her. "Oh. But if you knew about it, and I was learning new tricks for you, that would be Ok?" she bridled. "I didn't say that. I just said that behind my back was the worse. If you wanted to try something new, I'd want to talk about it." I told her as I got dressed. "I can't believe we're having this conversation!"

I wished I knew, then I wouldn’t be so confused. “If I knew something like this would happen. I would have told you everything I knew.” That made me want to punch her. But she was too cute and fluffy for that. And my hand would probably go right through her. “I don’t think you would have told me anything, you wouldn’t tell me about Vivian even though you knew everything.”

She patted my back. I shut my eyes, and a tear dropped from it. If only had she been sensible, none of this ruckus would have happened. ***

"I will be back… I promise" "You fucking had a plan…" she whimpered lightly. "You had a plan all these while" she repeated her own words as if trying to make something very meaningful about it. "I couldn't just tell you, It was hard…" he sighed. "But if I knew that your reaction would be like this, I would have told you sooner. I'm sorry"

She can't say anything and rolls her eyes down as if she's trying to recall. "Nothing more" "Nothing more?" I scoff. "Does he only recall that one thing which you might have told your friends or your sister, even to me" Her eyes widen in shock. "Huh? Just the random thing about the promise. Was that all about the night? Before she can utter anything, I lean closer to her, "you were right that night, Iv. Your mom had sent me to you to tell you how precious you are"

I take I step forward with me hands up “I Don't know what she told you…..I’m assuming she’s the one that told you…..but nothing happened I swear on my life….I never told her anything about you or your family……what she does know is what she overheard…I left today to tell her t stay away and that our friendship is over” I say as I take slow steps towards her careful not to piss her off even more. “ I don’t believe you, ” she says through a sob.

Gosh, what all have I caused unknowingly? I couldn’t utter a single word in answer to him. The truth was that I wanted to tell him many things but everything just came to me and got stuck on the tip of my tongue itself. Honesty speaking, I wanted to yell and tell him that I too loved her as much as she loved me and I will do anything and everything I could, just to give her back the love and happiness she deserved from me and the world.

I looked into his eyes with wetness leaking out from my waterline. "If only....if only I didn't befriend them, if only I stayed away from them, if only Sunny and Riya didn't become close, if only I didn't come into the city, she would have been with me right now, becoming something she desired to be. It was all my fucking fault" I clenched my fists in anger.

If she had told me, if I knew… No guilt was written in her face. She stood up straight, and though she was shorter than me, it felt like she towered instead. Her pitiful gaze lessened into something more chastising. “If I had told you then, would you have listened? You, who have distanced yourself from others and merely trust your own intuition. And even when your instincts knew what you refused to realize, you still resisted it, rejecting it until you couldn't. If I had told you the truth whilst you couldn't even bring yourself to discover it, would you have accepted it?"