Insulting Humor Novels & Stories

I roll my eyes, but he grins, all teeth and sharp edges. "My size isn’t the insult you think it is." "Stop being so juvenile, Michael," I hiss. "But it’s so entertaining," he counters, leaning forward. He always used his size to intimidate, and I always hated it. Some things never change. "Childish humor is the last refuge of the dim-witted," I say, narrowing my eyes. "So you think I’m funny?" “I most definitely do not think you’re funny. You remain the most annoying man I’ve ever met.”

Will he still continue defending him? "He also insulted you, don't make his age or even his accomplishments be his excuse to trash people around him. And hell, you even tolerated his behavior by nodding and smiling at him whenever he insults us. Because of what you did, he gained even more confidence!" Maddy retorted, it’s like she gained back her old self in a snap.

But because that was, without question, the most insulting non-apology I had ever heard in my life. “The dinner wasn’t…” I repeated slowly. Then I nodded. “Wow.” He exhaled once through his nose, like I was being difficult for refusing to be soothed by nonsense. “This doesn’t have to become bigger than it is.” I stared at him. And suddenly I understood. Really understood. This man was not cruel in the loud, obvious way. He was worse. He was the kind of man who could stand in the middle of your humiliation and still believe he was being reasonable.

he sad, insulting me. "What? What did you say?" He repeated what he told me. "I said, your name is good to hear, but your face is not good to see. It's full of annoyance!" He laughed so loud. He insulted me again, and I felt furious. If I can't control myself, I'll punch him so hard. He's fortune that I'm not a bad person like him, but if I'm a bad person like him, I'm going to publicly humiliate him.

I scoffed and decided to lowkey insult him. " Hindi ka naman mayabang niyan no? " I asked sarcastically and I heard him bark a laugh because of what I said. He finds it amusing whenever I insult him or throwing off sarcasm. Kaya napangiti na rin ako dahil nakakahawa naman talaga ang kaligayan niya.

Immediately I picked up the call, I heard him screaming at the top of his voice and I could barely stop myself from laughing at his gullibility. “Bastard, fucking bastard- that's what you are. Asshole, who the fuck do you think you are? A fool, that's who.” He screamed at the top of his voice and I could hear him banging hard against a surface, but none of what he said had caused me to flinch. “Breathe, princess. What's got your panties in a twist this time around?” I finally let out the laughter I’d been holding while he insulted me angrily.

“You weren’t this horrid man whore. You were nice.” “I’m still nice,” he looks hurt. “No you are not!!” I tell him with conviction. “You’ve gone from being the nicest person I know, to being a fatuous cockrot. A total areshole!” “I am not a fatuous … wait… when did you enhance your insult vocabulary?” I know he’s trying to make me laugh. But it isn’t going to work. “Deny it all you want, but don’t change the subject,” I sniff and look out of the window.

“We all like you. We just… we just don’t think she’s good enough for you. Why do you want to get so close to her?” Instinctively, my fists clenched at my sides. Did they think that just because they ‘liked’ him, they had the right to humiliate me? Lyn let out a cold, humorless laugh. The sound was devoid of warmth, filled only with scorn. His eyes flicked over them, his gaze sharp enough to cut. “Like me?” he repeated, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “With your selfish and unscrupulous behavior, you call this ‘liking’ me?

“Is that all you got? That was the funniest insult you can come up with?” Eleanor backs off, staring at me with narrowed eyes. I can’t tell if she’s trying to recognize me, or if she’s just too angry and stunned to speak. Either way, I don’t care. “They did say that low IQ people tend to go for stupid, shallow insults,” I say calmly. “You don’t look very smart, both of you. And besides, even with all the money in the world, you just can’t buy style. Look at how both of you are dressed. All logos. No class. Maybe I should give you this dress. It might save you.”

"He wasn't blowing me off, and he wasn't obsessed with her. Call it a momentary distrac-tion or whatever. She's nothing but a slut that doesn't know her place, anyway. Besides, he's over his distrac-tion now." They dissolved into giggles between themselves, but I'd heard enough. They weren't saying the words directly to me, but they might as well have. My emotion-al state and out of whack hormones wouldn't allow me just to sit there and continue to listen to them insult me, so I got up and left.