Insulting Pick Up Lines Novels & Stories

I asked as he helped me open the car door and he simply shrugged in response before closing it shut. “Not so long. But I wouldn't mind waiting for you forever.” He said and I froze as I stared at him with wide eyes. He suddenly chuckled nervously as he rubbed his neck and I blinked multiple times. “Was that too cliche?” “Hell yeah, it was. Was that some sort of pickup line?” I asked as I laughed at how cute he looked and he nodded gently. “I did my research, I thought it was gonna work. I'm sorry it sounded so cringe.” He replied and I stared at him for a while as a small smile formed on my face.

I shot him a sideways smirk, letting a hint of disdain creep into my voice. His smile faltered, “I just thought you looked like you could use some company.” “Really? Because from where I’m standing, it looks like I’m doing just fine on my own. So why don’t you take your mediocre pick-up lines and save them for someone who’s interested?” I turned back to the bartender, signaling for my drink to be served faster.

I said, stepping away from him. "Wait!" he exclaimed. I stopped walking and glanced back at him. "At least tell me your name?" he asked. "It wouldn't be nice if I don't remember the name of the damsel I just saved." Wow, he must have really thought his pick-up lines would work on me. I wondered how many girls he had charmed with those lines. I must admit, he smiled at everything he said. It was somewhat annoying since nothing was amusing yet strangely alluring, as his smile made him even more attractive.

"What? You think I don't mean it?" "I think pick-up lines are just so lame and overrated." I shrugged with yet another sip. Yes, let me get numb. "That's not true. There are some pretty good." "Not there aren't. They're all cheesy and predictable." "No, hear this one: did it hurt? When you fell from-" "-From heaven?" I finished for him and rolled my eyes. "You just proved my point."

But I just did, you idiot. "Flattery will get you nowhere, Devon." This guy had some of the most rinsed-out, clichéd lines. No one had ever taught him how to woo a woman? He chuckled. "I'm an aging squirrel and you're a tough nut to crack. Let me try again." He cleared his throat. "Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm deeply attracted to you, but you think I'm full of...poo?" A smile crawled onto my face as I shook my head. This guy…

I sigh sadly. "I feel like a library card since I've been totally checking you out!" He exclaims, again. "Did you notice that I'm like a best seller? Currently unavailable." I raise my eyebrow. "If you were a McDonald's burger, you'd be the McGorgeous." Lame Alert! "Thanks, Ronald, but I've already talked to enough clowns tonight." I scoff. "Excuse me, does this napkin smell like chloroform to you?" "Not as much as that pick-up line smells like desperation." I laugh so loud after this.

" Since it's coming from you, I believe it and that's true because I haven't been mesmerized by anyone's beauty like yours captured my heart. To be very honest, every lady I see out there looks like trash before my sight!" "Insult to the ladies, now get out of my sight! That's the way you guys go around spilling sugar-coated lies and getting what you want after that it's gone!"

“And if I fail to give you 100 chemistry pickup lines?” “I will get to that later so do we have a deal?” “Yeah, I guess we do.” Dwight said as he brought his hand for a handshake. And that’s how my problems started, I thought he wouldn’t actually give me a 100 pickup lines, because for a while, he kept quiet and I thought I was victorious, hell I was already making planes of what I will tell him to do, but I didn’t know that he was just getting ready, now we are on number 84 and I have never been so frustrated since that holdup in traffic five years ago in Senegal. I already told him to stop, but his smart reply was we had a deal…. I made a deal with the fucking devil.

I asked him as if he was crazy, but I was laughing on the inside. “Gah! Can’t you just let me have fun for once! That’s already twenty pick up lines and usually they work for most girls! Why are you so good at this?” He asked frustrated, but quickly erased it with a smirk. Oh no, here it goes again. “I wonder what else you’re good at,” he said suggestively, arching his eyebrow in a seductive way. I threw him one of my French fries and it landed on his gray shirt, leaving a spot of oil behind. “Gosh, this was a new shirt!”

I snatch the fifty dollars from his hand. “I will bet fifty dollars on you not getting your cock between my boobs tonight.” He winks and clinks his glass with mine as he raises a sexy brow. “Thank you. I will take that as a personal challenge.” I shake my head as I sip my drink. “Does that ridiculous pick up line work on many women?” He smiles and winks cheekily. “You would be surprised.” I smirk. There is something extremely honest about this guy. He isn’t pretending to be someone he’s not. It’s disarming.