Insulting Pick Up Lines Novels & Stories

“You’re not any woman. I grabbed you because you’ve been in my head for the last damn month and it’s drivin’ me crazy. Who are you?” Macie snorted. “That is the worst pick up line I’ve ever heard.” Those blue, blue eyes narrowed. “That wasn’t a pick up line.” “Good thing, because it sure as hell isn’t working.” “Look. Let’s start over. I’m an artist. And I’d like—” “—to show me your etchings?” She snickered. “Har har. I really am an artist.” “Yeah? So was the last guy I was involved with. Been there, done that, have the tie-dyed T-shirt and the roach clip to prove it. Move along, Picasso.”

"Ma'am, pick me instead. I have a nice body!" "Pick me, I have good stamina!" "Pick me, I know many tricks!"

Maybe I'm not thinking straight, maybe I'd lost my mind. "Bullshit! That bet was bullshit!" she screamed in horror. But sometimes, some bullshit phrase can control the biggest shit in your life. "You!" she yelled pointing her fist towards Cole. "you douche bag! That was your idea of making bet, isn't it?" she demanded while digging holes from her stares. "I beg to differ; I think a handsome bag can suit me! ". "Gush You-are-so-irritating," strikes she. "So, Amanda is ready to become a playgirl sounds interesting," Dylan chimed in." hey! Maybe I can teach you some of my pickup lines"

Alex: I winced. So he knows? "Is there a problem?" I couldn't hide the smile, tugging at my lips. "Are your out of your mind? You're making this worse than it already is! I won't let you mess with my woman, do you understand?" "Dude, chill. I'm not trying to mess with anyone. But if I were, I'd probably start by using a better pickup line than 'you're messing with my woman'." I replied and I heard the sound of a glass shattering.

“Listen, thanks. I’m glad you enjoyed the show, but I’m not interested, okay. We have another gig next week. Have a goodnight.” He grabs my arm, “Don’t you want to be my Juliette?” “Seriously? That is the lamest pickup line I’ve ever heard.” I pause, “No, that isn’t entirely true. But it’s pretty damn close.” “Listen bitch.” He spits in my face, backing me up against a brick wall, keeping us out of sight of any onlookers, “I saw you; you were singing all that sexy shit to me. I know you want me.”

his voice was smooth and small but I’d rather turn to stone than turn to look at him. He knew me so well, he didn’t wait for me to turn towards him. He walked towards me and stood in front of me where he knew I couldn’t turn away. The sun had gone down, a once glorious promising day had turned to a nightmare. “I’m sorry,” he spoke softly and my teeth bared in anger. He was sorry? “I promise, it’s not what you think,” he said. The same age old pick up line men said after doing something irreparably foolish.

“If you’re talking about the ceremony, it went great. You and your mother are now officially part of the family. No going back, so if you’re having a rethink, expel it from your mind.” He concluded dramatically. “Of course not. Why would I be having a rethink? I have you. You’re better than a rethink.” “Damn! That was some crazy lines. I could use that on a girl, you know?” “Well, without pickup lines, girls would certainly heed over heels for you.” His grin widened. “Yes, I am. You’re cute.” He frowned. “Eh? Me? Cute? I’m not a bunny, only bunnies are cute.”

He smiled heartily; “If I may ask, don't you notice something strange about me?” “Strange? Ugh! Not at all” I shook my head. He continued smiling; “You are so pretty, that I forgot my pick up lines. Oops! I… I'm so bad at pick up lines” He stuttered, feeling awkward. I giggled. He was only being dramatic. “Okay, here's one. If I had a rose for everytime I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever” He stated. I faked a smile: “That's…uhm nice, nice line.. uhm?” I felt so uncomfortable around him especially when I realised what he was tryna insinuate.

Delete. "You just want to fuck? Great. Me too. I'm really well hung..." Picture of genitals... OMG! Look at the size of that thing... Delete "Hey... you look cool. You've tried the Rest now try the Best..." Cheesy, or what? Delete. "Hi. I don't want to sound conceited, but I'm pretty good looking. Do you like being eaten out? It's a deal breaker for me if you don't like being eaten out..." Delete

I wanted to chastise him for his arrogance, but I appreciated the attention and the ego boost. “Do you have a name, or can I just call you ‘mine?’” the guy continued with his cheesy pickup lines. I wanted to laugh but I put my hands on my hips instead, raised my eyebrows, and stuck my chin up in the air. “Do these pickup lines ever work for you?” I haughtily asked. I stammered, but I schooled my expression in neutrality fairly quickly.