Orphan Jokes Dark Humor Novels & Stories

“I do not fall.” There was a pause. “No,” he said calmly. “You just look very funny while slipping.” The line went dead. I stood there for a long time. Then I began laughing again. Because if I did not laugh, I might start screaming. The televisions behind me kept talking. The city kept moving and for the first time in my life, I understood what it felt like to be the joke. But jokes can turn dark very quickly and I am very good at dark.

“Are you allowed to make dead jokes about your parents?” “I know it’s rude,” he replied, grinning with zero shame. “It’s not supposed to be funny. But I get one morbid joke, don’t I? Don’t we all? Some day you’ll be making jokes about your family too.” I doubled over in laughter, the kind that shook my shoulders and made my ribs ache. Not because it was that funny, but because I needed it. Because it pulled me out of the heavy place in my mind where grief lived. Because he looked so happy saying such a thing when there was nothing to laugh about.

I am very real, and I have the money to prove it. Shine: How do I know you are not a serial killer? I read the news. Girls are getting killed on islands and lured into traps by men like you. I am not trying to end up on the headline. She cringed as soon as she sent it. Dark humor was her defense mechanism, but it usually turned people off. She wished she had not sent that message.

Heavy with shit we weren’t saying. I cleared my throat. “Alright. That’s enough depressing hospital talk. You know what would really make my day better?” He glanced at me, brows raised. “A really dumb joke.” Andrew blinked. Then tilted his head a little, lips twitching like he was fighting a smile. “A dumb joke?” I nodded, lips curving around the cigarette still hanging from my mouth. “Come on. Hit me.” He gave me a look—half skeptical, half amused. “Fine. What do you call a sad strawberry?”

“Are you plotting world domination out here, or just avoiding Rachel’s TED Talk?” Despite everything, a small laugh escaped me. “A little of both.” He sat beside me…close enough that our shoulders brushed. “You okay?” I shook my head. “Not really.” He nudged me gently. “Want to hear the worst joke Elijah told me when he was fourteen? Ready? Why don’t skeletons fight each other?” I raised an eyebrow. “Why?” “They don’t have the guts.” I chuckled softly. “That’s terrible.” “Elijah-level terrible.” he agreed, grinning.

"If I hadn't looked, how would I have known that the person my fiance loves the most is his ex-girlfriend?" A flicker of guilt flashed through Jared's eyes, but he immediately blustered to cover it up. "It's just a joke between friends! Must you make such a big deal out of it? I swear, you're getting more and more unreasonable every day!" With that, he haphazardly stuffed the gift boxes back into his suitcase, picked it up, and stormed off to the guest room. All that was left was that cheap pair of pearl earrings lying alone on the floor.

Finally, I got a proper look at them: one was plus-sized like me, with long blonde hair and piercing blue eyes behind thick glasses, she remined me of my sisters; the other had deeper brown skin than mine, a height and body of a super model and a beautiful healthy afro. “Don’t let him get to you,” the second woman said with a warm smile. I sighed. “I shouldn’t have gone to that fast food in the first place. Why do people insult others and call this ‘dark humor’? What’s funny about cruelty and humiliation?” The slim woman’s expression hardened. “He’s a serial jerk—makes nasty comments about women he dislikes and flirts with the ones who fit his ‘type.’ His dad owns the place, so he acts like

She broke into a contemptuous smile as she glanced at the caller ID and promptly put it on speaker. "Hello?" Grandpa's robust voice came through from the other end of the line. "Jillian, how did the blind date go?" Marlene replied arrogantly, "I take it you're Jillian's grandfather? Your granddaughter owes me two thousand dollars, so she's being held at my restaurant. "Listen up, old geezer—you'd better hurry up and bring the money here to bail her out. Otherwise, I'll strip every last one of those fakes off her and throw her out onto the street."

someone yelled. "I won’t shut up until someone answers!" Lucas shouted back, clearly enjoying the attention. "We don’t know and we don’t care, so shut the hell up, Lucas!" another voice barked. "Wrong! It’s called Lemon-aid! Get it? Like the drink?" The groan this time was even louder. "Dad jokes are never, ever funny," Elodie muttered, shaking her head.

"But I've got a few more. Are you ready for another one?" I nod, and he continues. "Okay, here's one."What do you call a sheep that's been sheared twice?" Iskander asks. I think for a moment, and then I say, "A sheared sheep?" He nods his head. "You're getting very good at this," he says. "One more joke, and then I'll let you go. Okay?" I nod, and I lean forward, eager to hear the last joke. "Okay, here's the last one. What do you call a sheep with no head?" I try to think of an answer, but I'm stumped. "Come on, you can do it," Isksnfer tells me as he looks into my eyes searching for the answer. I smile and shake my head signifying a no answer. "The answer is, no-brainer," Iskander says. I