Novel & Cerita Why Do I Even Bother

Jason asks, bringing me back from my thoughts “Nothing,” I say, smiling to ease his mind “Do we have to do this every time?” “Do what?” I ask, confused “I ask you what’s bothering you. You lie; nothing is. I pester you; you give up and tell me. Why don’t you save us both the back and forth and just tell me when I ask.” “Or why don’t you stop trying to figure out what’s bothering me all the time” I don’t mind him asking me what’s on my mind, but sometimes I wonder why he bothers himself so much with what’s bothering me.

I don't need to take up a school loan if I want to. My mind became imbalance for a few seconds. What the heck? This trap is sure tempting.

Somewhere safe. “I just want to feel useful again,” I admit quietly. Anita’s eyes soften painfully at that sentence. “You are useful.” “I know what you mean,” I say quickly. “But right now, I feel stuck.” I hug one of the throw pillows lightly against myself. “I wake up every day trying not to think about sad things. Trying not to cry. Trying not to remember.” I exhale softly. “And honestly… it’s exhausting.” The room grows quiet again. “I think working would help me.” I say.

The only thing I can do is sit at my desk and continue to highlight the weekend reports of ad revenue spending over the holidays. Even as I grab the highlighter and go back to my task, I berate myself. The scary part is I sound exactly like my mother. Why am I so stupid? What was I thinking? What will Vincent do? How can we get over this? Can we even get over this? Why do I even care since there's no way I'm pregnant? An hour later I'm on my last page of reports when my phone vibrates on the desk and a text shows on the screen for half a second.

"Nothing will happen. Unless you want something to. Which I assume you're going to tell me you don't, right?" I nod slowly and try to focus on him instead of my thoughts, because if he knows what I'm feeling then he' ll realise my problem and then he won't want me around anymore. And I'll have to endure my loneliness forever because he probably won't love me back. "Good. Well, I guess you already know why I'm here, so I'm gonna cut to the chase." I shrug. "Why do you even bother with me? I'm just a nobody."

Daisy grumbled. The idea intrigued me. But I can’t, not yet. I have to fix this mess first. Maybe once we have a solid plan again, I’ll give in and get wasted. Sometimes I find myself just asking: why is all this happening? I stared into space, thinking of ways to address this issue. But nothing. My brain isn’t helping anymore. This is so fucked up.

This lifestyle offers no contrast or improvement if I persist in enduring it in this manner. "Why is everything so boring?" This was the ultimate question that resounded within me, a testament to my futile attempts at finding a worthwhile pursuit within the confines of my room. I am averse to leaving this space and exposing myself to the watchful gazes of the numerous attendants who undoubtedly report my every move to him. Although he hasn't explicitly restricted my movements within his residence, I am wary of inviting trouble. A mere accident, like accidentally breaking a delicate ornament, could result in a substantial financial penalty.

"A reason is something you want. Something you choose. Something that matters to you. Not something you do because other people are doing it." "I do not know what I want." "Then figure it out." "How." "By paying attention. By trying things. By making mistakes. By changing your mind. By starting over. By doing all of it badly until you figure out how to do it well." "That sounds exhausting." "It is. That is the point. Life is exhausting. But it is also beautiful. And you do not get the beautiful without the exhausting." The eggs are cold now. The toast is cold now. The coffee is cold now.

I need to retaliate for my folks at the earliest opportunity. I attempt to let myself know that is the main justification for why I need to be a Spier, however, I realize that isn't correct. Making requests to be given a man I can scarcely try and consider without either blowing up or thrilled. Presently I'm left with him (or is it the opposite way around?) for eternity. For what reason does that not repulse me? A bizarre inquiry starts to pound at me, startling me to pieces. I stuff it into the profundities of my brain, staying away from it.

I felt the first real prickle of unease move through me. "No, I don't need anything from you. I'm trying to start a conversation with you and you sound like I'm bothering you so I'll just take my leave now." He didn't even bother calling me back even though I slowed down a little bit to see if he was going to call me back. I even looked back at him, but he wasn't paying attention to me. There's one more place I need to confirm this, before I fully understand that they have lost their mind and I shouldn't bother with them anymore. I went looking for Blaze next.