Workplace Quotes Funny

Ashley, a wild, resilient, unruly, broke, proud woman with average education, found herself entangled in a sweet romance between her obsession-a rude CEO-Ryan Harvey Jnr and a perfect man suitable for a husband-a fellow employee. Ashley was bound to be tamed by the unfortunate turn of event in her life as she struggled to figure out who was suitable as her Mr. Right. After all, when in love we all take chances.

*Abandoning ship isn’t my style. It wasn’t hers either, but our circumstances ripped us apart. Now it’s not just a literal ocean standing between us. Francine Chirilova has no direction. After coming out of the closet leaves her without a family at age 18, the quick witted 25 year old has been forced to survive on her connections and kind personality. Throw in a rapidly decreasing appetite and a tendency to gravitate toward abusive women for a epic shit show. While recovering from her latest 4 year long mistake, she makes a strong, yet unlikely connection with her virtual best friend. Que in recovering alcoholic Vasilisa Krovopuskova, aged 26 from Siberia, Russia. After surviving a grueling upbringing on her own, trust is a difficult concept to grasp. Already having experienced heartbreak once before, she wasn’t looking for anything serious when Francine crash landed into her life via an online sanctuary for lesbians. With an ocean separating the two, neither Francine nor Vasilisa know which direction to swim in. Will they stay on their side of the world, or drown trying to get to the other? *Disclaimer* - Strong mature content. 18+, please Book one. To follow is book two: “Our Blank Canvas.”

Year Malkame returns to her hometown after ten years of exile. She came back following pieces of a puzzle she really needed to find in order to meet her Secret santa, the man or woman who had been gifting her lonely childhood Christmases with joy and music. Being sent away from her home at the age of fourteen, she had lost the trail of the person she was looking for. But now, she wants to finally find him. But in her journey, she finds her childhood best friend Justin. A misfortune leaves her under the same roof with this man. What happens when long-time friends come together after ten years? What happens when she realizes who her secret santa is? And what the hell happens when a billionaire decides he suddenly wants her to not only work for him but also be his woman?

At the staff meeting, I was singled out and criticized by the supervisor. The supervisor said that someone had reported issues with my work attitude and demanded an immediate explanation. My face was displayed on the big screen at the meeting, subjected to public scrutiny. Just as I was feeling overwhelmed, the face of our boss appeared in my camera frame."Tell me what’s the problem.”

The new intern always claimed to have the company’s best interests at heart, but her actions told a different story. To cut costs, she secretly swapped the two-thousand-dollar gift basket I had prepared for a client with a knockoff version she bought online for just two dollars, shipping included. During a critical overtime session, she turned off the power to save on electricity. Then, she boldly suggested canceling the company’s annual holiday leave. With a self-righteous expression, she declared, “The company doesn’t support freeloaders. I believe the holiday season is the perfect time to boost sales. I propose everyone work unpaid overtime and dedicate themselves selflessly to the company!” While the employees grumbled in frustration, I stepped up to refute her absurd suggestion and spoke out on behalf of the team. But instead of backing down, she accused me of embezzlement in front of everyone and recommended to the boss that I be fired. The shocking part? The boss agreed. Fine. If that was how they wanted it, I couldn’t wait to see how the company would function without me.

In my previous life, my husband's female coworker had asked him to drive her to and from work. I wasn't happy about that, but my husband dismissed my concerns, saying, "We live in the same neighborhood, so it's not like I'm going out of my way. Don't be so selfish." Six months later, she became pregnant and tragically miscarried in our car. The doctor was baffled, saying, "How could she have intercourse in the early stages of pregnancy?" Intercourse? I was confused, as her husband was overseas on a business trip. Before I could fully process the situation, both my husband and his female coworker pointed their fingers at me and claimed that I was the driver during the incident. Because of that, when her husband rushed back from abroad, he stabbed me over twenty times in a fit of rage. When I opened my eyes again, I found myself back on the day before he first gave her a ride.

"They were entwined with each other, luxuriating in the throes of passion, the man's robust body..." I was hiding in my office, secretly penning the next development in my story, when a voice from behind me began to read my words aloud, one by one. It was the new intern, a young man. I trembled, pleading with him, "Please, don't tell anyone." He adjusted his gold-rimmed glasses, his hands bracing the edge of the desk, trapping me between his arms. "So, this is what you like?" His throat bobbed, and a smile played on his lips, "Then, why don't we... try it out, just the two of us...

After the school cafeteria for elementary school kids shut down, I decided to offer meals for all the kids in our building at my home. At the end of the month, when it came time to settle the bill, one of the neighbors wasn’t happy. “The new caterer downstairs only charges $2.50 per meal, but you’re charging us $5! That’s an extra $75 per kid per month. Do you have no shame?” she accused me. I calmly explained that I only used free-range meat and organic vegetables in my meals. But no matter how patiently I tried to reason with them, the parents insisted I refund the difference and demanded I charge no more than $2.50 per meal moving forward. When I lowered my costs to meet their demands, they started accusing me of mistreating their children. They went online to expose me and even reported me to the authorities. The online attacks were relentless. I was fined, and my husband lost his job because of the controversy surrounding me. The stress pushed me into depression, and in the end, I jumped off a building to end it all. When I opened my eyes again, I saw those same parents being swayed by others in the neighborhood to send their kids to the new daycare service that only charged $2.50 a day. What they didn’t know was that the lunch caterer next door did serve meat every day—but it was frozen, diseased pork that had been sitting in storage for two years.

After encountering problems at work, I lose myself in a virtual reality game. I randomly meet a male player in there and depend on my amorous interactions with him to escape reaity. We flirt with each other and have roleplay; he grunts and groans over the microphone. Everything changes when I accidentally reveal my true identity. The young man next door pins me underneath him and roams his hands over my body. When he speaks, his voice is hoarse. "You were great at flirting in the game, weren't you? Why can't you make those noises now?"

I worked for a restaurant, and our boss loved making empty promises about giving us restaurant shares. The boss said we would start with zero shares, but we could earn 0.01% for every two hours of overtime, covering someone else’s work or saving the restaurant 1,000 bucks. I suggested she write this down in an official document and have someone track it properly. She just smiled and told everyone to work harder. She never actually put it in writing. The experienced staff did not believe her, but one prep cook took it seriously. At the end of the year, he went to the boss to claim his shares. The boss said, “Sorry, the head chef told me there’s no official document, so it doesn’t count. You can’t claim any shares.” The prep cook worked hard all year and got nothing for it, so he took his anger out on me. The day before I was going home for the New Year, he killed me with a knife. “If you hadn’t said it doesn’t count without an official document, this whole restaurant would’ve been mine!” I lay in a pool of blood. When I opened my eyes, I was back to the day the boss first made those empty promises.