Yo Momma Jokes Dark Novels & Stories

"Go into that room. There's a brand-new game console in there." I pointed at Mom's bedroom. I then turned to look at Mary and said, "Mom just bought a bunch of luxury skincare products a few days ago. They're all imported brands." "Jack, I saw Mom withdraw seven grand the other day. She kept it all in the closet." After I said those things, everyone's expressions changed instantly. Their eyes drifted toward Mom's bedroom almost automatically. "Y-You're talking nonsense!" Mom shouted as she lunged at me to cover my mouth, but I dodged her easily.

"Kaiden and Roman would have such a field day if they ever heard me telling something like that." "Well, good thing I'm not a dad. Hey, do you want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it." I choke on my own saliva in an effort to groan louder than Dad, but I have to admit mom's lame jokes are taking my mind off the stinging pain and desire in my body. "Then there's the one about the clown who visited his cousin in Austra—" Dad opens his mouth to cut her off, but he's interrupted by a loud banging on the front door.

She couldn't bring herself to lash out at Dad, but when it came to others, she was anything but merciful. At the neighborhood poker table, Yvonne and a few others were chatting and gossiping while snacking on peanuts. The door to the game room was old and could be opened without a key. Being a regular there, Mom easily kicked the door open. Her gaze swept around the room like a hawk. The moment she spotted Yvonne and her group, she pounced on them like a wild beast. These days, Dad had been leaving early and returning late, out looking for work but repeatedly hitting dead ends. He took all his pent-up frustration out on Mom, even recklessly comparing her to Yvonne and the others.

“You scared me.” Relief flooded her features not clean relief, but desperate relief, the kind you cling to when the alternative would shatter you. “For a second, I thought” She stopped herself with a shaky laugh. “That would’ve been insane, right?” Elena forced a smile. “You and my dad?” Chloe continued, shaking her head as if clearing it. “I need to stop reading those trashy romance novels. Clearly my brain is rotting.” I mean he's twice your age and my Dad .

I heard a lady’s voice say. I turned to see Heath’s mama, Reba in her wheelchair. She looked like she was feeling good. “Mrs. Jackson! What are you doing here,” I said, running over to her. “Oh sweetie, I have kept this place in business as much as I’ve been here over the years,” she said grinning. “Drop dead gorgeous doesn’t just always happen on its own you know,” she laughed. I loved her humor, it was exactly like my parents but in a snobby rich people way.

For a moment I thought they could be stuck on fangs, a lot of people did that right? Mom shook her head, reaching for the end table drawer and pulling out a brown paper bag. “Oh no, her laughing isn’t a good thing, hun.” I began laughing, laughing so hard, tears welled in my eyes. This was not happening; my Mom was not dating a vampire and I was not going to call him dad either. She was talking about having babies with his man! Was my mom still young enough to do that? She’s pushing fifty while this guy looked to be my age! Mom pulled my hands away, putting the paper bag over my mouth, the laughing turned into hyperventilating.

Mom says, closing the door behind Maggie, and turning towards me with a big smile on her lips. "Well, young man." She says, walking towards me. "So, you and Maggie, huh?" "Yes ma'am." I answer, smiling back at her. "I couldn't help myself." I answer. "So now you've fucked the mother and the daughter." She says, wrinkling her brow as another thought hits her. "Just like at home!" She exclaims. "You are one busy mother fucker." She says, laughing at her own joke, as she pulls me into a tight embrace.

Val gave an apologetic smile and sipped from her glass of coke. “We wouldn’t need to say it out loud because the amount of fat in these would literally kill us one day.” Zia scoffed, grabbing a bite of lasagna, and then pushed her palms out, seeing Mamma take a step in her direction. “Mamma, I’m just joking.” “Why do you eat it when you have to complain?” “It’s not like I can puke everything out now.” “Then stop puking stupid words.” Val and I could barely contain our laughter, the sounds, which according to my Mamma, were too unladylike, but little did we care. The ringing cell in Mamma’s apron pocket interrupted us. Mamma pulled it out and her brows creased.

James gulped as he tried to deny it. “You little fucking liar. Want me to call Amy right now? Ask if you’ve ever laughed or called her names for her weight?” I slammed my hands on the table. James was withering knowing I had him. “It was just joking around. No one was getting hurt.” James was starting to shake under the gaze of our moms. “Just jokes?” Mamá sniffled. “No one was getting hurt?” Mom’s green eyes had hardened to emeralds and were glaring daggers. If she could make lasers with them, James would be ash.

Liam popped an olive into his mouth. My mom shot Liam a dark look. “Watch your mouth. You might not be my son by blood, but we don’t talk like that in this house.” I couldn’t help the laugh that burst forth. “Mom, if I had a dollar for how many times I’ve heard you say ‘fucking hell’ when you got a bad tarot reading—” “You’d be completely broke.” My mom turned to get something from the stove, only to almost run into Mari. “Good lord, this kitchen is too small for all of you. Out, out, out!”