PAIN FOR WINE?

LOLA

Downstairs looked like a mega festival — the decorations, the crowd, food, drinks and the powerful energy that hovered above every person's head as they passed by me leisurely, mostly in pairs, fingers clasped around tall wine glasses half filled with a liquid that looked as expensive as it was.

I seemed like a ghost standing in the middle of somewhere she wasn't invited to.

I remembered waking up with a strange surge of strength after having passed out for several minutes without any help.

It probably was my will to survive Eddy's wrath that revived me.

I had not even bothered to shower before forcing myself into the new dress I had met in a box in front of the wardrobe.

I wasn't sure what I did for my make-up when I sat in front of the mirror.

I had glanced at the mirror and nodded to my face, not looking too bad, but as it stood, I couldn't remember what I looked like before the mirror earlier.

My eyes were very heavy like my eyeballs were about to drop.

My hands were stiff beside me and my fingers trembled lightly.

I wasn't sure how much longer I would be able to manage standing for, so I started to make my way to where I knew the sitting room furniture to be.

I had barely taken three steps when a waitress almost collided with me.

"Oooouuuuu!" the tall girl tuned with a shrill, shocked voice, slightly missing emptying her tray on me.

I knew something was wrong because her eyes had widened, and she had stood in position staring at me like I wasn't supposed to be standing there.

My head felt so heavy, I wished I could drop it somewhere and pick it up later.

I wasn't sure what the young waitress wanted, but for some reason I was happy someone finally paid me some attention.

It was such a stupid a*s feeling that just sprang out of nowhere.

I had felt lost before the waitress came along, I had felt invisible.

"Excuse me, you are not supposed to be here," her voice came, tearing through my thoughts and registering deep in my head.

As she spoke, her eyes flickered around for the silent approval that she was doing the right thing.

I swallowed.

Pain seared through my skull, the headache intensifying at that moment.

I wanted to say something, but the words refused to form.

My breath became ragged and inconsistent, and I ended up just staring at the girl as she stared back threateningly.

My chest tightened. I was almost gasping for air, yet she didn't notice.

I covered my mouth with the back of my hand. Shutting my eyes, I threw my head back in the frustration of everything I was feeling.

"How did you get in?" she questioned sternly, her eyes searching for an answer in mine.

I wasn't sure, but the question made me tremble.

Scared of her noticing how visibly shaky I had become, I balled my fingers into fists and hid them behind me.

Something — flat and plastic, poked me on the side, forcing my fingers to cross over to my waist with the urge to scratch it off.

Under the scrutinizing eyes of the waitress, who still stood in front of me like I was a threat she needed to watch, I winced, deciding against finding out the cause of the discomfort inside my dress.

My eyes returned to hers and her frown tightened, her brows flipping weirdly.

I inhaled.

"Calm down, Lola" I muttered to myself.

"This is my house," I started. "I will forgive the disrespect you already dealt me, but I'm not sure I will look over any more mistakes," I finished.

I watched a corner of her mouth twitch until a smirk formed fully against her lips.

"Wait here until the owners of the event get you," she snapped, hurrying away towards the side of the stairs.

I watched her until she disappeared into the crowd before pulling my eyes back until they fell on a group of men in front of me.

Right then, I spotted Eddy.

A playful grin hung steady on his face as he contributed cheerfully to the topic the men standing with him seemed to be enjoying.

He looked happy, without worries, like he had not just ruined my day before it even started.

Right there, a few meters away from him, I was fighting to keep my weight up, to keep my eyes open and to process what made the young waitress come at me like that, and Eddy was having the time of his life?

My fingers twitched, the scratchy feeling inside my cloth resumed. I felt my world crumble before me and behind it stood Eddy with a shovel.

My head became so heavy, I could barely keep my eyes straight.

I made to take a step, but I felt my weight lean heavily against a side and a loud shatter followed, my arm getting damp fast.

In that moment, every thought in my head disappeared like someone had reached, gathered and pulled them out clean.

Before me stood a small woman with a scarf that had her hair tucked in it like it had been done by someone without fingers — rough, here and there.

My eyes traveled farther down. She was wearing a cheap plain cotton material, and that was all I needed to make the hell of the conclusion I ended up with.

At that moment, I wasn't bothered about anything else. I just wanted to offload the bad emotions that had welled up into nothingness inside my chest.

"Are you blind?" I beckoned, glaring at the woman whose eyes had lit up to the suddenness of my outburst.

Before she even thought about defending herself, I had grabbed the neckline of her dress, my fingers trembling abnormally against the material, but I still gripped tight.

Stepping over the shattered wine glass, the cracking noise of the pieces under my heels fueling my desire to be free of the shackles of my emotions, I spoke from the bottom of my stomach.

"You're not permitted to appear before me, b*tch!"

My eyes watered with pain as I spoke.

I could feel the stillness that had engulfed me like a prison.

The music was still up, but the guests kept their eyes peeled on me, each inquisitive gaze poking at my skin painfully.

Some of them murmured amongst themselves, but I was too distracted by my own feelings to even care.

The woman was still, suspiciously relaxed under my torture. 

"Aren't you going to beg for your freedom?" I yelled, the murmuring amongst the crowd that had pooled among us rising by two beats.

I was so engrossed in pacifying my emotions, I didn't notice the crowd was trying to warn me until a strong arm pulled me from behind.