สถานะ...รักต้องซ่อน | Hidden Love

Selene's POV

Have you ever wondered what it feels like to be buried alive? How terrifying and torturous it could be like. When all your lives and memories come flashing through your eyes and you realize soon enough it will all be over. When your mind starts to wander and you begin to think about all the things you will never get to do again.

You start to feel like you're slipping away, and you know that death is inevitable as the pain pierces deeper than you could bear, yet you can't open your mouth to scream.

This was the same nightmare I go through once every month, buried under the confinement filled with wolfsbane potion mixed with silver. Being buried in this sizzling chemical as a werewolf was a horrifying experience that can induce a sense of dread in even the bravest souls.

It was an ordeal that involved being trapped in a small, confined transparent box with little to no room to move. The darkness and the silence can be suffocating, and the only thing that can be heard is the sound of one's own breathing.

It was an ancient way to kill any werewolf who betrayed their pack, but the difference with mine was that they wouldn't allow me to die in it before pulling me out, bruised and badly wounded.

In there, as you try to struggle out, you realize that your body is trapped by the weight of the consuming pain slicing through your skin, pressing down on your chest and making it hard to even breathe, and you start to feel yourself suffocating because each breath under the fluid was another form of torture as you end up allowing the chemical into your body.

It was another full moon, six months after the last one, and I was going to face that anguish again. This cruel torture was suggested by the heartless pack Luna, a second chance mate to the Alpha, who claimed it was the only way to render me weak and prevent me from using my vampire powers to bring destruction to the pack, and it hurts so much to see the Alpha believe everything she says.

I sat on the cold, hard ground of my small bedroom, knees pulled up to my chest, as I listened sadly to the cheering and happy chattering voices coming from the other side of the thin walls, along with the sounds of cutlery hitting against each other.

The Alpha, Luna, and Betas were all eating, and I had to wait till they were done so I would scavenge on the leftovers like dog, that is if there were any remains, but my greatest fear was having to face the wicked Luna while packing the plates after they are done eating.

It was always her chance to maltreat me, always looking for a way to hurt me, which was something I found hard to understand because she wasn't even there when I transformed to a vampire on my birthday. I did no wrong to her particularly yet she abhorred me deeply.

Why does she hate me so much?

A question I keep asking myself.

It had been a year since the Alpha found her as his second chance mate after he lost his first mate in a battle with the rogues and I had suffered more terribly in her hand than I had in the hand of everyone for the last two years since that horrible birthday of mine.

I hissed as my stomach grumbled in hunger, tortured by the aroma of food from the dining room.

I don't know why they had to give me a room close to the dining room. I guess it was another form of suffering, allowing me to wallow in the appetizing aroma of those dishes, of which I would barely have more than three spoonful.

"When are we meeting our mate?" my inner wolf threw the question at me as if I were a seer.

"We are 19, and our scent is clear. When he comes nearby, he will find us. We will also get his alluring scent, and you know what that means?" I smiled, leaning on those same fantasies that had only taunted me.

It has past the normal year "18" already, yet I haven't found him. For a year, since I turned eighteen, I had been daydreaming about the day I would meet my mate and how I would get overwhelmed by his manly pheromones, which would capture every part of my soul and pull us towards each other.

How he would hold my hands, stare into my eyes passionately, and tell me my suffering is over.

It is forbidden to stop mates from being together, so that means my mate would take me away from this hell. He would be my savior and the man to bring light into my dark lonely world.

Anytime I thought of this, I would feel hope. I would feel more reason to stay alive and bear all the sufferings, hoping that soon it would all be over.

But as the day went by, this hope grew bleak.

Just then, my door was opened abruptly without a knock.

I'm used to it already. A bodyguard peeked in with a grim face.

"They are done eating." he said to me gruffly, and left almost immediately, as if my room was choking him to death.

I took a deep breath and braced myself for whatever I would face when I stand before them, even Sienna, my wolf cuddled herself in anxiety. We both knew this was one of our worst moment.

Slowly, I stepped out and headed straight to the dining room.

As soon as I walked in, my presence ended all the conversation, laughter, and happiness that had filled the air, and I could see all the smiling faces turned to a serious frown, grimace, and gawp.

They were still eating and I had made a mistake of showing my face.

I swallowed hard, the silence brooding fear in me as I tried to avoid their eyes, which were all peering disgustingly at me. I scanned through their plates, and the foods were still quite much than it always were—barely less than half.

Are they not done eating? Why did the guard lie to me?

"What are you doing here?!" The Alpha growled in a voice that instilled strong fear in me. I paused and looked up, his eyes making my legs shake.

"I...was told that...." I stuttered and before I could see it coming, the Luna picked a glass cup and sharply flung it against my head. I couldn't dodge it as the shattered glass cup left multiple cuts on my forehead, causing significant bleeding and immediate sharp pain.

I swallowed hard, tears spilling down my eyes as I stared at the Luna with anger boiling in my heart.

"Who told you we were done, dirty pig!" She yelled, her eyes flinting.

"A..A.. guard came and..told me...that."

She won't wait for me to explain anything as she jerked up and charged at me like a lunatic. She landed a hot slap across my face.

I groaned in pain, trying not to cry. I hate crying in front of her but the pain burned my cheek and forced tears down my eyes.

She was wearing a ring, making the slap brush hard on my cheek. I sobbed bitterly, shielding my face with my arms.

"So you barged in here to stop us from eating it all. What courage you suddenly got, you devil!" she yelled furiously while I whimpered, wiping the blood dripping my face.

Sometimes I wonder if she had other reasons for her resentment for me.

"Laura, calm down and don't waste your strength on this pig." The Beta snorted and the Alpha came over and wrapped his arm around her, patting her back gently as if she was the one in pain.

"Don't stress yourself, my queen. The guards will punish her." He cooed, stroking her hair carefully as he led her back to her seat.

"I hate seeing her face! I regret the fact that we can't kill her off!" She whined; her face grimaced as she glared wickedly at me.

"My dear, I regret it too, but we can ignore her and don't allow this riffraff to get to you. Soon, she will get tired of her life and kill herself." He coaxed, but Laura wasn't satisfied.

"Can't you banish her to the rogues clan?" She seethed, and my heart sank into my stomach as I shuddered in shock at what she just uttered. Even the Alpha and Beta were surprised to hear her say such a thing.

Being banned was the worst thing that would happen to any wolf as it meant death sentence.

A lot of predators are out there to hunt you down. If you survive them then you are still going to die of hunger because no other pack will accept you and you will only wander for the rest of your life.

Our pack are in enmity with the rogue so the last thing they will do is accept me.

"Please, pardon me. I am very sorry for what I did. Please don't banish me. Please," I begged, falling to my knees.

"Please...please.." I continued

"Shut up already!" the Beta, who was getting irked at my voice, shouted, stood abruptly and kicked my stomach. I fell heavily to the ground but stood quickly, wincing in pain as I covered my mouth to push back the loud cry struggling to burst out.

My face was bleeding from the slight cut, and my stomach hurts so bad from his kick, but all that doesn't matter. What matters is my life.

The Alpha loves the Luna so much and hardly says no to whatever they ask for. The dread of hearing him give an order for my banishment made my heart tug, and I couldn't stop pleading for mercy from the Luna.

I hated myself for being this weak in front of the Luna especially when she scorned and laughed mockingly at me, but I had no choice.

"Instead of banishing her, we should allow her to stay for a few years as our slave. My son and daughter might need her when they return, you know?" The Alpha finally said to her, and I heaved a sigh of relief upon hearing him.

She hesitated a bit before nodding and smiling back at him.

"Okay, you are right." She shrugged, and I quickly jumped to my feet bowing continuously.

"Thank you. Thank you so much." I repeated as I ran back to my room if it can be called a room because it looked more like a dungeon.

It was really small and cramped, barely large enough to fit a twin-sized bed. The walls are peeling and discolored, and the carpet is all torn off.

The mirror on the wall was hung by the Luna herself to make it easy for me to always see my miserable reflection every single day.

According to her, I needed to see how I was growing lean and worn out, becoming a physical version of a poor mad woman, so I would consider killing myself. I don't know why she is so obsessed with my death.

I was once a beautiful girl envied by my friends and admired by a lot of guys in and out of school. I picked some clothes and began to dab my injured head, cleaning the blood in front of the mirror as I also stared at my reflection in the mirror and it was hard to recognize myself.

My curly golden hair, sparkling blue eyes, and radiant smile were gone. Now, my hair was shaggy, dull, and lifeless, and my eyes were sunken and tired. My face, which had always been graced with a pretty and contagious smile, had been replaced by a permanent frown.

No more school. No friends. No family. Everything gone as I stayed locked up and lonely inside this building with eyes watching me like I was a monster.