Bad Pick Up Lines Novels & Stories

Her lips were big; fake but that didn't matter because I didn't care if it was fake or real but whatever it may be, I'm having those wrapped around me tonight. Fuck! I cursed again as I almost came to that wild thought. When I finally got close to her, she was smiling at me. "You are a goddess" I started, hitting it off with my pickup line that worked like magic at all times. Only lame guys start with shit like, *what’s your name, beautiful?* "Is that what you tell those girls that make them remove their panties?" She asked. From there I knew it wouldn't be easy trying to….. "Because it just worked on me" She finished her sentence and I smiled, knowing I'd hit the jackpot again.

- Insulting Blade is my favourite pastime. You aren't bad until you can out sprint boys in a foot chase. - I should reconsider going to the Olympics. You aren't bad until your initials spell out something- mine spells SIN You aren't bad until no matter what, you always have a backup plan. My backup plans run from A-Z. You aren't bad until you have a theme song. - I like to think of mine as Michael Jackson's BAD. You aren't bad until you have watched The Titanic without crying. - my tears have all been dried up.

Jacqueline I've had it with this shit. No more doormat, no more Ms. Goody Two Shoes. I picked up my phone from the mattress beside me. Only one person I know who will understand how I'm feeling without judging me. Without bringing up my past like a mallet to beat me over the head. One little slip in judgment when I was eighteen years old and I have to live like a nun forever. Well fuck that the habit's coming off. I'm lonely, horny and pissed the fuck off. No almost twenty two year old is supposed to feel like this.

“Doesn’t it bother you that I’m not used to this?” Mea laughed it off, “There’s just no way. The girls and I stalked you.” “Oh, so you were interested even before I came to you.” She rolled her eyes for the first time, like a lady being bombarded with pick-up lines at a bar counter. “No, I’m not. It’s just what normal people do with celebrities. Watch them online.” “Well then, this celebrity likes you.”

“And I want to court you to be my girlfriend.” Even worse! I shrugged my head in disapproval. “You’re joking.” “Do I look like it?” “You don’t look like a clown but damn, you have a talent to be one,” I spat in annoyance. “What did you even saw in me? I’m not even beautiful!” “You are! I was in fact, blinded by your dazzling beauty,” I frowned at his clichéd pickup line. It was so cheesy I wanted to puke again right now to turn him off. I always hated awkward moments like this.

Not too close, just enough that I didn't feel concerned. “That morning, I reached for my phone because…” He smiled sadly. “I wanted your number. I wanted breakfast. I wanted to know your real name and I wanted another day… with you. But then you rejected me before I could even shoot my shot and I was hurt and…” His laugh carried no humor. “And then my stupid wallet disappeared. I just didn't know how to react.” The room became painfully quiet. “You were supposed to be a one-night stand.” I said, my voice surprisingly calm.

“Your balls.” “Okay I got you, Nick, I’mma stay behave. I’m going to keep my hands to myself” He smiled in absolute defeat. By now, he should already know that he can’t somersault me with his dumb pick-up lines. I got my pick-up lines too, and it’s always on point.

‘I can see you desperately searching for me, You want to know who I am? It’s too easy, I’m right in front of you, But you can’t see me, You are blinded by trust, I’m closer than the voice ringing in your head, An enemy within, Oops, I said too much, Keep guessing wrong, It’s fun to see, A little advice, Don’t give up just yet, There are a lot of things you need to know, P.S, your secret lover.’ “Argh! This is driving me crazy! Who the fuck is this person and what do they even want from me?” I groaned as I slammed the paper on the table, gaining a bit of attention from people around our table.

I say and that earned me a smirk. "Oh really now?" He said teasingly. "Oh, my poor heart, I don't think it'll survive this trip." He laughed at that so hard and I don't think what I said was that funny. I couldn't help but giggle again. "You're making me so high, Aria. I don't need this champagne with you here." "Is that your pickup line? That's terrible. Who made you say that?" "Nobody, silly. I'm just stating how I feel."

"God, you’re impossible. You know, you’re lucky I like you enough to keep trying." Ace took another sip. "That’s not luck. That’s my curse." I rolled my eyes. "Damn, you’re so dramatic." "And you’re so persistent. It’s almost impressive. Almost." I leaned in even closer, my voice teasing. "If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you’re afraid of falling for me." Ace snorted. "That’s cute. But if I ever fall, trust me—it won’t be for you. More like down a flight of stairs after hearing another one of your weird pickup lines."