Contoh Teks Humor

“Just stay married to me for three years. After that, we divorce. In return, I’ll help you destroy your husband and the woman who took your child.” I agreed. Not because I was weak. But because I survived. I was once a devoted wife. Obedient. Loyal. Pregnant with a child I believed would save my marriage. Then his first love returned, and everything I trusted turned to blood and betrayal. We were rushed to the same hospital. I was bleeding. She was crying in his arms. There was only one operating room left. He chose her. He wheeled his mistress, his first love, into surgery and left me behind to miscarry alone. I lost my baby on a cold hospital bed while my husband held another woman’s hand. I divorced him. But some wounds do not heal. They sharpen. Now I have a contract marriage, a man with no love to give, and a plan written in patience and pain. I will take everything my ex-husband values, piece by piece, and make him beg for what he threw away. Forgiveness is for the dead. And I am very much alive. Watch out, husband. I will ruin you.

Seven years ago, Althea Marquez was ready to share life-changing news with Mikhael Bryce Henderson—the love of her life—when she discovered he had returned to his ex. Heartbroken, Althea fled abroad to raise their child alone. Now back in the Philippines, Althea is shocked to find her new boss is none other than Mikhael, now a powerful CEO. Furious and confused by her sudden disappearance, Mikhael demands answers, but Althea remains cold and distant. As secrets from their past come to light, including the startling revelation of Althea's father's connection to Mikhael, both are forced to confront painful truths. To make matters worse, Mikhael's ex-fiancée re-enters his life, determined to win him back. Amidst betrayal, hidden enemies, and unresolved feelings, Althea and Mikhael must decide whether to fight for their rekindled love or let the past tear them apart once more.

As her ears started ringing, the lump in her throat growing, the words he spoke faded into the background. Her eyes welled up, and her breath hitched, she had heard him right? “Earth to Rebecca, hello?!” He replied to her in an annoyed tone. She took a deep breath, “After 20 yrs you really don’t want a life with me” she managed to speak slightly above a whisper. She had been his rock, put his needs first, never said no to his frivolous spending, and had loved him enough for the both of them; yet in the small bedroom in their city apartment he stood with divorce papers in hand. She hadn’t been naive about the rough patch that they were navigating, but they had always worked past because Rebecca had always put her husband 1st. “Rebecca I don’t love you and no level of your love is going to undo these divorce papers. I can’t even stand to be in this room with you, but I want to be on a united front when we tell the kids.”

I woke up in a penthouse dressed up for Christmas, having no memory of how I got here. With a stranger sitted beside my hospital bed, his dark eyes watching me like I was something precious he was afraid to lose. He says his name is Damien Cross, my husband. He says we were in an accident two weeks before Christmas, and that I've forgotten everything about our perfect life together. But nothing felt right. The staff won't meet my eyes. My phone had no history. And when I found a journal hidden behind wrapped gifts in my dressing room, the handwriting is mine, but the words were a warning: Do not trust him. Leave before Christmas. You know what he did. Damien surrounded me with holiday magic, kisses under the mistletoe, and planned romantic surprises beneath twinkling lights. He's everything a husband should be: protective, tender, devoted. Yet his love felt like a cage decorated with ribbons and bows. The closer we got to Christmas Eve, the more I remember fragments of another life. Arguments,Fear,Betrayal. One night I tried to run from him in the snow and never made it out. Now I have until Christmas Day to uncover the truth about my past before Damien's version of our love story becomes the only one that matters. Because the man who saved me might be the same man I was trying to escape.

Shinae Valerie Gallea, a humble hotel attendant, never expected her life to be twisted after accidentally encountering a billionaire, Klein Windham. After that night and days of spending with that man, Valerie choose to escape the fate, only to later discover she’s pregnant with his child. Choosing to leave everything behind, she finds comfort and protection in Liam Damian Kingswell, her longtime crush who willingly steps up as a father. But when Klein discovers the truth and returns, determined to claim his child and win Valerie back, she’s forced to confront her past. Now a mother, Valerie must choose between the man tied to her by blood and the one who stood by her through it all.

Warning: This Diary contains raw, uncensored erotic confessions. Intended for mature audiences only🔞. Chloe finds herself holding this secret collection of female confessions. Each page is a new voice, a new encounter: first times, forbidden romances, wild mistakes, acts of liberation, heartbreaks, and unforgettable nights. As Chloe reads deeper, she becomes both voyeur and witness, pulled into the raw, unfiltered world of women’s desires. The diary is not just erotic, but emotional and empowering, showing women choosing, surrendering, discovering, and reclaiming their bodies in different ways. But the further she reads, the more Chloe begins to wonder: who was the Lady who wrote all of this down? And what happened to her after she closed the diary? A mix of mystery, sensuality, and intimate storytelling, The Coochie Diaries is a novel told through many women’s voices, framed by one woman’s discovery. It’s about secrets that outlive their owners, the power of female desire, and the hidden truths that connect strangers across time.

She was his Luna… until he broke her. Rejected, humiliated, and believed to be wolfless, she left the pack with nothing but a shattered heart. What the Alpha never knew was that she carried his greatest secret—their twin children. Years later, she has built a quiet life far away, hiding her twins from a world that once destroyed her. She is stronger now. Calmer. Determined never to return. But fate is cruel. When the powerful Alpha who rejected her crosses her path again, old wounds reopen. He wants answers. He wants his family. And he refuses to let her disappear a second time. Can a wolfless Luna protect her children from the Alpha who once chose power over love? And when secrets come to light, will love get a second chance—or end in blood and regret?

AN EROTIC ROMANCE NOVEL. READ RESPONSIBLY. STORY CONTAINS MATURE CONTENT. Grayson Andrade suffered so much from the betrayal of his fiancee. Dahil sa sakit, poot at pandidiri sa dating nobya, malaki ang naging epekto nito sa kanyang katawan; hindi na magawang tumigas pa ng kanyang pagkalalaki! It brought shame and disgrace to him, and as a man who was once worshiped and adored by women, he finds it hard to accept his condition. He tried everything to cure his erectile dysfunction but to no avail. Pero nang makilala niya ang isa sa mga katulong sa mansyon ng kanyang yumaong ama na si Olivia ay bigla na lamang tumayo ang pagkalalaki niya at pagkatigas-tigas pa nito. Gagawin ni Grayson ang lahat mapapayag niya lamang ang dalaga na tulongan siya nitong gumaling sapagka't si Olivia lamang ang may kakayahang patigasin ang kanyang nagtatampong pagkalalaki.

Betrayal--- I thought it was the worst pain I could feel, until I found out my husband wasn't just cheating on me with my sister... He had poisoned me to kill our unborn child so he could finally get married to my sister. 'Sign the divorce papers if you want to save your child , Rose' Wallowing in pain, I watched the man who had once sworn with his life that he loved me with everything in him. The man whom I've sacrificed everything for. My career, my dreams, my identity, and my heart. Was it in exchange for this betrayal all along? My heart twisted in my chest resentfully as tears blurred my vision. His betrayal cut deeper than a dagger, but my only thought at that moment was my unborn child. He was innocent. He didn't deserve to die. He deserved to live no matter the monster his father was. My hand trembled as I signed the divorce paper, my blood soaking every page that I turned. "I have signed the divorce papers, Mathew... Please take me to the hospital. I need to save our baby." I pleaded, my hand clutching my stomach tightly as pain shot through it. I was scared that I might lose my baby if I spent any more minute bleeding. He looked at me, without remorse, his arm wrapping around my sister's waist as a smirk tugged at the corner of his lips. "Why should I? Just pack your things and leave." And with that, he turned his back on me, walking away without sparing me another glance as if I didn't exist. As darkness came looming over, my strength slowly draining off, only one question echoed in my mind. Is this really the end?

  “Liar. Slut. That thing in your belly isn’t mine.” Those were his last words before the door slammed and I hit the floor, shaking, wondering how the man I married had turned into someone who enjoyed watching me fall apart. Love wasn’t supposed to feel like punishment, but with him, it became exactly that. The insults. The bruises. The silence afterward. And the worst part was watching my own cousin the girl I grew up with slide into his life watching mine fall apart. He threw me out like trash. They both did. But I didn’t die out there. I got back up. And the woman who stood again wasn’t the weak one they tried to break. She was someone they should’ve feared from the start. There’s someone new now. He doesn’t see me as a burden but as someone worth fighting for. So when my ex shows up months later, suddenly soft-spoken, suddenly sorry, mumbling, “Emily… please. I messed up,” he expects the old me to crawl back. Instead, I look him in the eye and tell him the truth “You’re not part of my life anymore. You’re just what I had to survive.”