Drunk Funny Stories Novels & Stories

The one that still cracks me up is the guy who drunkenly ordered a pizza and then forgot he did it. When the doorbell rang, he panicked, thinking it was the cops because he was too plastered to remember his own order. He hid under the bed while his roommate answered the door, only to hear, 'Dude, your pizza’s here.' The sheer absurdity of his fear versus the reality is pure comedy gold.

Another legendary thread involved a redditor who tried to 'rescue' a garden gnome from a neighbor’s yard, convinced it was being held hostage. He woke up the next morning with the gnome tucked into bed beside him, wearing sunglasses and holding a mini bottle of vodka he’d 'gifted' it. The photos he posted of the gnome’s 'adventure' became a subreddit meme for weeks.

Man, drunk stories are the best—especially when they're not yours! One that lives rent-free in my head is from a friend who, after one too many, tried to 'train' his neighbor's cat like a dog. Full-on 'sit, stay, roll over' in the hallway at 2 AM. The cat just stared, unimpressed, while he tumbled into a potted plant. The kicker? He woke up with the cat sleeping on his face and zero memory of the incident.

Another legend involves a guy who drunkenly ordered a life-sized cardboard cutout of himself online, then forgot until it arrived at his office. His coworkers still use it as a makeshift door greeter. Drunk decisions are either tragic or iconic—no in-between.

Back in my freshman year, there was this legendary night where my roommate tried to 'train' our dorm's pet turtle to do tricks after a few too many drinks. He spent hours waving a french fry like a magic wand, insisting the turtle (named Sheldon) would eventually roll over for snacks. The next morning, we found Sheldon chilling in his tank, completely indifferent, while my roommate was passed out with a half-eaten fry still clutched in his hand. The best part? He swore Sheldon had 'almost done it' and spent the next semester low-key salty about the turtle's lack of ambition.

Another time, our entire floor decided to recreate 'The Lion King' with someone's stolen cafeteria tray as Pride Rock. The guy playing Simba slipped mid-roar and face-planted into a pile of laundry, which somehow made the scene even more dramatic. We still reference that performance whenever someone mentions 'circles of life' at reunions.