Funny Sex Jokes Novels & Stories

"Make it stop! Make it stop!" "Alright, alright," I surrender, raising my hands in front of me. "There's only one option we have here." "And what's that?" He winces before sarcastically saying, "should I give you oral sex until I ejaculate and deflate?" "No," I respond. "That could introduce the poison into my system, you idiot." "Idiot? Seriously?" He deadpans, amused by the pun.

“The tension in the room is a bit too intense, I will have a drink at the bar and come back later” With that, he turned around and made to leave. “Did I do something wrong?” I couldn’t help but ask him, “did something happen?” “You did nothing wrong, it’s just me” I watched him disappear out of the room and I burst out laughing. What the hell was I thinking anyways? I turned out to be the joke, fhd biggest joke. I slumped on the bed as my laughter intensified. I shouldn’t have even bothered trying to have sex with a man twice my age.

Bolting up, I saw Adam was a few meters from my bed with his eyes glued to my breast. The heat of his gaze was making my nipples stand at attention and butterflies forming in the pit of my stomach. “You know; they always say that sex at this hour is always great,” his voice came out huskily before he curled his lips into a smirk. Shooting up my eyebrows at him I answered immediately. “Did you know that a man who has sex too many times, will cause him to run out of semen and he will become bare?”

"No, I don't take part in anything extreme." "Threesome?" "Just normal sex," he said. "Nothing related to being a sadist or masochist." "You really are boring," I told him as a joke. He glanced at me with his judging eyes. "This boring man just made you cum more than once." "Yeah, well, you were great." The memories from what we did a few moments ago suddenly flashed through my head and I almost rolled my eyes from the thought of him getting way too deep inside me. "So... what happens now?"

More laughter. Sebastian looked sick. And then, from the back of the group, a third voice cut in, slurred slightly with drink and thick with amusement. “Eh, who cares?” He was stockier than the others, his grin lazy, his eyes heavy-lidded and careless. “Everyone knows sex with a married woman’s more fun anyway.” Then laughter. Clinking of glasses. Manic glee on their faces. I barely had time to turn toward Misha before he stepped forward. “What did you just say?”

Loved only his money and huge dick. I chuckled to myself, he must think I'm dumb as I am crazy. “What's funny?" He asked, his face made his question more amusing. “Just remembered when we were having sex on the couch," I trailed off laughing, his expression turned from confused to embarrassed. “I have warned you to stop repeating that, why don't you try to listen to me?” He asked, groaning and heightening my amusement. “You were thumping on my thighs and not my clit," I choked with laughter,my head falling back as I couldn't hold it back “I couldn't say anything because your men were right there!"

“Shit! What makes you think we have sex? Of course! I don’t have the time to have sex with a woman!” He shrieked, sounded defensive, as if he were disgusted to think he had sex with me. I laughed so hard because I was only making fun of him. Ashton’s face turned sour, like he couldn’t believe he was patiently talking to me. Well, I guessed he might be cringing right now.

Why do I feel like exploding with laughter? "I will ask her to share the experience with you, jerk! Let's see what you will have to say then. Meanwhile, get your fucking annoying ass, out of my sight." Deep says. "Good luck, man!" With that, Dan strides out of the house, leaving me mouth-sealed to suppress the tickling chuckles. Are they for real? Like it's okay for them to talk about me like that? In front of me? Is sex such an open topic that you go around sharing your damn experiences?

I kissed him and trailed my fingers over his arms as I felt him inside me. I ran my fingers through his hair as I could see him finishing. He moaned out a weird noise as his head fell into my neck. He breathed heavily on top of me and I started to laugh. "Why...are...you...laughing?" He asked while panting. "I just had sex on the floor of my office" "It was fucking great" he said as he picked up his head and smiled at me. I smiled and kissed him "felt even better when pregnant" He rolled his eyes "this isn't fair, first we get circumcised and then we can't even get pregnant to experience great sex! This is sexism"

He said nuzzling his nose in my hair. "Yup" I yawned "I would tell you what I like, but you're sleepy so I'll tell you tomorrow" He smiled. I moved closer to him as I said "Should I tell you a joke?" He chuckled "Okay, tell me" "Seven billion faces in the world, but yours is the only one I wanna sit on" He bursted into laughter "Jeez Vanilla, sex jokes". His hand tightened on my waist, I smiled feeling content at the sound of his laughter.