Funny Sex Jokes Novels & Stories

We're both laughing now which has an extinguishing affect on our sexual tension. "Don't make me laugh or he won't stand very tall for long," I cry but our lovemaking is degenerating into a laugh fest. "Rub my sides like that," Jasmine continues with the high-pitched penis voice. "Hey is she trying to drown me?" she laughs at the reference to her juice-filled pussy. I grab her hips and try to restart the rhythm but we're both laughing and my cock is losing some of its firmness. "Jasmine!" I moan. "This isn't funny!" But it is and she falls forward onto my chest, kissing my mouth while neither of us is close to climaxing.

She said laughing hysterically. " Okay fine! Let's say I did have a sex dream, why would you assume it was Ray-khan?" " Because I was over here talking to Terry but I couldn't concentrate with you saying, ' Oh...don't stop Ray-khan. Please don't-" Before she could finish, I threw a pillow at her and she giggled while I tried to cover my cheeks which must've been so red with embarrassment. " Oh come on Seana, it's just a joke. We all have sex dreams or we've had sex dreams. It's totally normal... especially when it's about your very hot and sexy mate." She said, sitting beside me.

He grins cheekily. Okay being an ass hat! I elbow him again, only more aggressively this time. Especially as his joking at how great in bed I am isn’t true. We haven’t had sex in weeks. The men all laugh and make weird dirty gestures and nods as though he told them all I was an A grade porn star and I seriously wonder why women put up with men at all. “Arrick is enough women for both of us; cooking, neat freak and all that, so one of us had to have the bedroom skills to make it worthwhile.” I jut in sassily and raise a wicked eyebrow at him as everyone demolishes with hysterical laughter.

The room went dead quiet when I said I would take the prize, but that quiet did not last. A second later, laughter thundered through the air. Lily Smith was the loudest, doubling over with tears streaming from her eyes. "How else could she be the top seller?" she cackled. "A woman like her has to have skin as thick as a rhino." I ignored her snide comments and kept my cool. "Just to be clear," I said, "since the company so generously 'rewarded' me with bathroom duty, that's all I'll be doing for the next three days. Everything else is off my plate."

So I do the only thing that ever saves me when I’m cornered. I joke. “Because I am.” The reaction is instant and glorious — every head in the room snaps up like I’ve fired a starter pistol. Wide eyes. Open mouths. Absolute chaos. “Haven’t you seen the news?” I add, deadpan — then lose it, laughter spilling out as their faces collapse into pure betrayal. “Fuck you, dude,” Enrique groans, shaking his head. “That was not funny.” “It was a little funny.” Then I add the truth — “I swear, I haven’t had sex with your sister.” Yet.

He was glowing with pride, while Vanessa sat right next to him, looking every bit like the star of the night. I was seated near the serving entrance and was basically invisible. After several rounds of drinks, the atmosphere in the room turned vulgar. A few male colleagues who loved telling dirty jokes started running their mouths again under the influence of alcohol. "Vanessa's got serious charm. She even managed to crack a tough nut like Gilla Group!" "Exactly. The kind of allure Vanessa has? That's nothing some bookish little girl can compete with. If you ask me, talking business in the conference room is nowhere near as effective as talking at the dinner table, right, Vanessa?"

What's their problem? "It's something people do when they're sexually frustrated and their mate is in the middle of the ocean." He muses. "I'll g****e it." I say, deciding it'll just be way easier. Hardin's booming laughter echoes down the phone, it makes me smile, in fact I couldn't help but join in. What's so funny? "Wanna' help me out?" Hardin asks, his deep voice husky, seductive. My cheeks flush with heat as I realise that he's talking about something intimate. Immediately I duck my head as I pass people, like they can hear Hardin.

he remarked and I almost laughed. “What? So you can’t sleep without sex?” “I didn’t say I do it every night, you judgemental woman.” I bit my lip to suppress my laugh. I didn’t know that a sensual conversation could be this funny. Let alone I’m having this conversation with him.

she wondered aloud. Her comment caught me by surprise, but the uninhibited comment aroused me - which was another surprise. I had certainly never heard her openly discuss another man's size before, and I decided to have some fun with her lewd pondering. "Don't be jealous, I'm sure you could handle it too babe." I quipped. It wasn't the first time I had joked with her about taking a bigger man, sometimes comments slipped out during sex - especially when my fantasies were rushing through my mind.