Story Critique Example

Juniper, a rebellious princess, follows her deceased boyfriend into the underworld. Little did she know that she would become one of the candidates to marry the Underworld Prince. Now, she must compete against 20 women from various worlds for the hand of a man she doesn't even want. This is a nightmare... Luckily, her grandmother has sent her an assistant — a ghost wolf! But in reality, he is a ghost boy... Juniper's adventures in the underworld and her entanglements with these boys will lead her to places she never imagined. Where will her journey take her?

On New Year's Eve, I lost both my first love and my virginity. I never thought that the courage I mustered to put on that sexy lingerie... would eventually be undone by my professor. -- When Audrey's bf cheated at the biggest college party, He called her a boring nerd in front of everyone. She’s heartbroken and wasted. Then she had a one-night stand with a hot stranger. The next morning, she shocked to find out that the new professor was the man from last night. She lowered her head and tried to escape the earth. Him: “No need to hide, Audrey. I believe we met last night.”

After three years of secret marriage with a famous playboy F1 racer, Aria finally got pregnant. But she discovered that Liam was staying with his ex, who is also pregnant… She was heartbroken, and left the city to raise the baby on her own. 6 years later, while back in town, Aria ran into Liam as her new boss. Him: "I bought a mansion for our child. Stay."😳 Her: "Sorry, he has no father. "😒

When "the scentless" Elena thought she would be laid off by her manager, she never expected her new billionaire boss to be her high school crush Charles....Manager: "Sir, I think there's been a mistake. How is she staying? And I'm not? This isn't right.""You're right," Charles said, leaning forward over the table. "I'm sorry Elena. I forgot to mention you aren't going to be working here either."Manager's face set into a smug smirk."You'll be joining my team."There was a simultaneous gasp around the room.

“ฉันจ่ายนายสองแสน!” เมื่อเสียงหวานของหญิงสาวเอ่ยขึ้นทำเอาชายหนุ่มกรอกตาและชะงักฝีเท้าที่กำลังเดิน แต่สุดท้ายเขาก็ไม่ได้หันกลับ แต่ยังคงก้าวต่อไป “สี่แสน! ฉันจ่ายนายสี่แสน!” “เก็บเงินของเธอไว้ เพราะยังไงฉันก็ต้องไป” “ผู้หญิงคนนั้นจ่ายให้นายเท่าไหร่กัน! ฉันจะจ่ายให้มากกว่า!” “เขาไม่ได้จ่ายฉันสักบาท พอใจหรือยัง!” “นายไม่ได้เห็นแก่เงินอย่างที่คนอื่นบอก แต่นายรังเกียจฉัน….” โฮลี่เอ่ยด้วยน้ำเสียงสั่นเครือก่อนน้ำตาหยดเล็กๆเริ่มไหล เธอหมุนตัววิ่งออกไปโดยที่ธันวาได้แต่ยืนนิ่ง “โถเว้ย!”

When Erin run into her high school boyfriend, who now is a billionaire, at a restaurant, he cornered her against a bathroom stall "Behavior yourself." She warned him "Be a good girl if you don't want to be heard. " -- "Are you ladies bothering my girlfriend?" "Gavin?" One of the girls spoke up, her voice suddenly shrinking to a whisper. Gavin Pierce. He was the Alpha of the Darkmoon Pack, renowned as one of the most formidable and ruthless Alphas in our universe. And he also happened to be my ex-boyfriend. The same one that I had left behind in high school. Without any regard for my soaked shirt, Gavin casually draped an arm around my shoulders. The girl and her friends gaped at us, speechless and unsure of what to say next. "You two got back together?" She finally managed to ask, her voice almost a hollow echo. "I had no idea." "My personal affairs are none of your concern, Cassondra," he replied, sounding disinterested and nonchalant. "Of course, they're not..." Cassondra stammered, bowing her head in our direction. "I'm very sorry." -- “You owe me for saving you out there,” he said in a deep and threatening tone. I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat, staring into his gorgeous eyes. “What is it you want?” I asked, my tone low and breathless. “Don’t you remember the last time we were in a bathroom together?” He asked, that smirk appearing on his lips again. “It was in a stall… just… like… this.”

On the night my dad kicked me out, I drank too much and slept with my “brother” It was a one night mistake. Yet, he proposed and claimed me as his mate, his luna. When I woke up, my mom's body was cold. The color was drained from her half-opened eyes, and I could see no signs of life. My father told me that she purposely drank poison to kill herself. But that was a lie. My mother would never kill herself; she would never leave me. That night imprisoned me. - “It wasn’t a mistake,” “What are you talking about, Jonathan?” I asked him. “Arina, you are my mate. You were born to be my luna,” he said. His face showed no signs of humor. “I wasn’t born to be anybody’s luna,” I shot back. “Arina, I love you…” he spoke softly, still staring into my eyes. I could feel the wolf in me stirring; something that I had never felt before. She was awakening; the fire that burned so deep inside of me was beginning to flare. “Love?” I heard myself saying. “There’s no such thing as love…” After everything I knew about “love”, what my mother went through when she married my father, love didn’t exist. “Give me a chance to prove you wrong. Marry me.”

Abby divorced and her Alpha EX thought she was buried in tears. But actually, she is dating different hot guys every day. Him (interrupting Abby's date, fierce): How dare you! Abby ️: Exm sir? Who are you?

You find out the billionaire’s daughter might be the baby stolen from you years ago, and now she won’t accept anyone but you. He drags you to his mansion and throws a document at you. You’re thinking, “Please, just let me explain… wait, a mate contract?!”

*Warning* Explicit Content Included. Adults only. They killed my parents. Turned my underaged sister as se* slave. Sold me to a brothel. It’s been 901 days until the soon to be alpha made the highest bid on my auction night. ** “You,”He leered and smirked at us. “Both of you. Get up.” I shook my head, shuddering, “Please… Please don’t–” He grabbed me by my arm and dragged me up to my feet. He grabbed Angelia with his other hand and proceeded to drag us towards the door. Angelia had gone all but silent as she was pulled along like a ragdoll. Her eyes seemed glazed over. My heart raced. “P-Please. I can give you gems! Jewelry! What about lunar flowers? We have them all. If you’d just take us back–” “How are you going to bargain with something that’s not yours anymore?” He scoffed, “Move it. The boss doesn’t like to be kept waiting.” Tears streamed down my face. We were brought out of the dungeon into another section. There were no windows and the scent of sweat and tears filled the air. The man who brought us there shoved us inside and closed the door behind us as a fat, whale of a man turned towards us. I could tell by his stature and his scent that he was either human or his wolf was weak. He chuckled and licked his lips as he approached. He stopped at me first, grabbing my chin and leaning close to take a deep breath of my scent. He chuckled as I recoiled and shuddered in disgust. Then, he stopped at Angelia, tracing a hand over her cheek. “I love the obedient ones. Welcome girls, to my dungeon. You will call me, Dan.”