Twilight Funny Novels & Stories

" Don't get mad if you see me flirting with him. It's all an act.I just have to pretend so that he would not notice anything." I pretended not to care ." just don't do it too much, it's annoying." Pamela nodded almost immediately. I gave her a quick smile and we both stood there staring at each other. Pamela, on the other hand, just kept smiling like an idiot, I had to look anywhere else but her to stop herself from throwing up. "Why don't you sneak out of the house and elope with your fiancee and never come back....how does that sound, huh?" I hoped she would agree to my plan immediately but Pamela only gave me a bitter smile.

he said. “Perfect,” I replied. I leaned in to rest my head on his shoulder before pointing my attention towards the TV. “Twilight?” I said. “If we have to,” Max sighed. “Oh, we have to,” I snorted. “Plus, you’ll like these vampires. They’re less vicous and more sparkly.” Max laughed again. “Threatening!” I chuckled along with him as he grabbed the remote and threw the movie on. The opening credits started up and I snuggled further into Maximus.

Voicemail. Again. I stomp my foot. “Unbelievable. I swear I’ll throw my phone at him when he arrives.” A group of girls passes, giggling like a pack of hyenas. I almost roll my eyes…until I hear: “Omg, Jacob in Twilight is so hot.” “So hot? Girl, he is fire. I would give my left leg to date a werewolf like him.” “Same! He’s hot and dangerous. I love it.” I look up, fighting the urge to laugh. Girls are so dramatic.

“Grandma Lucy is a spitfire too. She might not be nice to you. Can you hold in you’re angry outburst if she starts calling our pack a cult?” “Cult?” Dad looks at me in outrage. I throw my head back in laughter. “I’m just saying, to the human world, we kind of do seem like a cult. Vivian thought we were one. She thought we were all Twilight fanatics and into occult s**t. She calls me the cult leader, and Marvel calls me Brother Valentine.” “You’re shitting me, right?” “No,” I laughed, shaking my head. “You can’t even get your own son to call you Dad? And what the f**k is Twilight?”

My phone lit up with a video call from Rosie at two in the morning. I turned on the screen recording function before answering. The screen immediately filled with bare, flushed skin and Rosie’s breathless moans. What they were doing did not need explaining. Tyler’s teasing voice rang out. “Rosie, isn’t this exciting? Your future husband’s right next door. If you scream louder, he might hear everything.” “You little devil! Be gentler! So what if he hears? He loves me so much. He won’t say a word even if he finds out.”

Andre even went so far as to yell, "Jane! I'm not dead. I'm your real fiancé, Andre! Come out and see me, Jane! I don't believe you've stopped loving me…" I opened the door and addressed everyone regretfully, "Look at this madman. He's delusional. Everyone knows my ex-fiancé died on the battlefield. How could he possibly be standing here now?" The crowd burst into laughter. "Exactly! How shameless of the Twilight pack to resort to such dirty tactics!" "In my opinion, Andre Ackhurst was never good enough for Jane anyway. His death is probably for the best. At least Jane stands a chance at happiness!" "Get lost! Don't stand in our way of courting Ms. Jane!"

"By using Ace's image, really?" "If my guess is right, then Ace's image was used because he was the closest friendly face you know, the one nearby and the one you would have easily followed because he's Ace. We were all far apart in our various classes and if either of the others were to show up, you would have brushed them off and run to find me because of your fear. If you haven't noticed, Ace has a jovial and friendly aura– should I say flamboyant, buoyant and comfortable? There is something about him that leaves one smiling like a fool, feeling his energy flowing into you like a contagious disease. Ace is the funniest and most lively person in Twilight Castle, that must be why he was use

Tara’s slap landed with a sharp, crisp *smack*, echoing through the room. For a brief moment, Wesley’s expression changed, but he quickly twisted it into a deranged smile. “Feisty, huh? I like that.” Tara raised her right hand to strike him again, but he caught her wrist. She lifted her left hand, but he grabbed that one too. Wesley’s eyes glinted with menace. “This little bit of fight in you? It just makes it more exciting. Once the stuff fully kicks in, you’ll be begging me for more!”

"I need a spacious living room, an airy kitchen, and a sex swing." "An air—hold up, what now? Sex what?" "Sex swing," he says, nodding. "For when we entertain. Didn't I mention? We're getting into swinging." I groan, face in my hands. "That has to be the worst joke in the entire world. I'm serious, Scar, I can't decide if I'm offended because of the jab at my parents or offended because it's so lame." "Sorry, couldn't help myself." "Honestly, I've never been less attracted to you right now."

She sat down and he sat down beside her. The gigantic screen came to life and started showing the beginning of a movie. It was Twilight, and Fay was surprised when she saw it. She looked at Alpha Clause with raised eyebrows in question, "You chose Twilight? That movie supports vampires more than werewolves." He chuckled in his deep voice as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder, "Yes, I was not sure which movie you would like and I did not want to interrupt your gaming time." She smiled as he looked at her and their gaze connected, "So you were watching me while we were gaming?"