Vampires Funny Novels & Stories

“Well, you see. I’m dead.” Riley laughed. “As I was saying, I died. I know I don’t look dead. Those men that took you, their boss murdered me. Well, bit me. I’m a vampire.” Riley laughed harder. “I’m serious! All of those people in the limo with you are vampires.” Riley was laughing so hard at this point, he was no longer breathing. He was going to wet my bed at this rate. “Stop it! Okay, I’ll show you.” I grabbed the same pocket knife out and knicked my finger. Out popped the fangs, I felt the same tingling sensation as last time. Kind of gross that they get excited by my own blood. Down ladies.

I watched in amusement as she walked away, sighting her fake butt job. "What did she mean by specialty?", I asked, all my senses attuned to where Vanir's hand rested on my thigh, his fingers tracing circles on the exposed skin as I tried to regather my wits. "Vampires come here to seek a sexual high by feeding", Vanir said and I gasped, definitely from his words and not the fact that a finger of his just brushed my nipple. "Humans volunteer for that", Vanir added. "Why would one do that?", I asked, my mind heady as his chocolate scent wrapped around me, intoxicating me as I squirmed on his lap.

She smiled, Vampires don't go back on their words. She threw the blood at him and said

I said. "Then I know that all you vampires here in Vampire high are looking for animal blood, because if you're looking for human blood, you should have drink my blood when I entered vampire high." I laughed. "Aren't you afraid of me?" He asked so I laughed. "Why should I be afraid of a gay man like you?" I asked. "What did you say? Who's gay?" He asked annoyed. "You." I replied. He glared at me. "you lose what? Hahaha you're used to maybe you're the only flame in the whole Vampire High." I said.

But the paranoia was eating me alive, and Jeff was the closest thing I had to a friend on this team. I had to know. “Hey,” I said carefully, keeping my voice low. “Have you ever… I mean, this is going to sound weird, but have you ever seen anything strange? Around the team?” Jeff turned to look at me, one eyebrow raised. “Strange how?” “Like…” I struggled to find words that wouldn’t make me sound insane. “Like, I don’t know. Vampire strange?” The silence that followed was deafening. Then Jeff burst out laughing… loud and genuine, the kind of laugh that made other people turn to see what was so funny. “Vampires? Are you fucking serious right now?”

"This is life! Go kill each other people!" I even clapped while yelling. Some of them are too old so it's really easy for a vampire to defeat them

She said after her laughter subsided. “ I never pegged you for the comedian.” “I’m serious!” He cried out. “ That man was not normal. He is a vampire for crying out loud!!” “Vampires are a myth.” she replied dryly. All traces of humor gone in her face. “ In your state of fear, your mind probably created illusions to deceive you. I mean…. Vampires? Seriously?” “I’m as serious as death, Ann. Hey can I call you Ann?” He asked.

Jasmine Three annoyed vampires stood beside me, Lucien on my right and Micheal and Archer on my left side. The look of dissatisfaction remained evident on each of their faces and the laugh I had been trying to control for the past five minutes tore through my throat. "You find it funny, huh?" Archer asked raising one of his eyebrows, he clearly did not look pleased. "It's actually funny, you all are acting like horny little teenagers," I drowned in laughter, just the expression they had on alone was enough to make me laugh to the point my stomach hurt.

"But seriously, answer me." "No, I don't sleep. I don't have the privilege to do so," she finally replied. "Why not? Don't go with a lie now." "I won't lie to you." "Yes, and I'm stupid." His sarcastic tone could be worse than anything else. She ignored it and responded, "Vampires don't sleep." The laughter from his forum echoed in his conscience. Hell, what a big lie. Didn't it occur to you to tell him that it's because you like the darkness too? You're so... bad at this, seriously."

“Holy shit.” “Why, hello. How lovely of my oldest and most treasured friend to join me in my humble abode.” “I’m your only friend,” I cough out, wondering whether my brain is making shit up. Vampyres do not dream, but they do hallucinate. “Correct. And rude.” “I . . .” I smack my lips. This dry-mouth situation needs to be addressed. Is this why Humans and Weres drink water all the time? “What the fuck?”