Vampires Funny Novels & Stories

He joked. "Ha, ha, very funny. Vampires can't have children, Jay. It's not like it is in the movies, and you know it." He scoffed. "Actually, it's something serious if you can put your funny bone to rest for just a minute." "I can." He squealed, feigning offense. "Just say what you wanna say, will you?" "Alright, well as you know things have been getting better since we dealt with Demitri and Harley and I have been talking…" Mason began.

Her laughter caused shivers to her underlings, making them tightly shut their mouths and hope that they wouldn’t accidentally disturb her unless they wanted their lives to be taken in a single stroke of her sharp nails. “I purposely left a trail behind for them to follow along, yet they dared to think that we're really gone? Those lowly creatures think that they’re free from us now? Ridiculous! Werewolves' intellect seems to dwindle generation by generation!” General Mabel wiped the invisible tears from the corner of her eyes. Vampires can’t shed tears, however, she did that as if it was a muscle memory. Her laughter eased up, her lips finally showing a small smile. A ridiculing smile. “Tha

I replied him. "Why, what's funny?" Valerie asked. "No gunshots wounds were on their bodies, rather they were drained of blood" "Drained, how?" Valerie asked. "I have no idea, no blood at all remained in their body, just two little puncture holes on their throats" I answered. "Vampires?" Valerie asked. "Vampires aren't real" I replied. "I will make some enquiry into it. Ferrante wants you to infiltrate them and find out all you can" I told him.

“Don’t back down now. Protect your vampire sweetheart. Let’s see if he doesn’t snack on you the moment he gets out of those shackles.” They all laughed coldly, though there was nothing funny about the situation. Liz had never felt so helpless in her entire life. She didn’t know what to say. Damn, she wasn’t even sure if she was doing the right thing. She looked at the vampire—so young she wouldn’t have been surprised if he was still in high school. But then again, she couldn’t be easily fooled by youthful appearances; vampires aged differently from humans. No matter how long she looked at him, she still couldn’t believe someone like him was capable of killing.

“You think this is funny.” Sammy shifted again and this time Alexandra did not stop him. His presence pressed forward, hot and dangerous, wolf right at the edge of his skin. Victor finally lifted his hands in mock surrender. “Relax. Relax. I was joking.” Silence. I stared at him. “Joking.” “Yes,” he said cheerfully. “Vampire humor. Dark. Dramatic. A little theatrical. We commit to the bit.” Jane let out a sound that was half scoff half disbelief. “You almost got my bestie killed and you are calling it a bit.”

“You think I’m crazy, but that’s the only explanation that makes sense.” I scoffed. “You sound like a conspiracy theorist. Vampires don’t exist, and you’ve got to stop reading all those fantasy books.” Before she could say anything else, I grabbed another slice of toast and breezed out of the apartment. My condolences to the victims, but vampire attacks were just so stupidly unrealistic. Like creatures of the night actually existed. Right, sure. “Mr. Vale’s not in right now.” Celine said at the reception, looking me up and down.

Casual questions, maximum sarcasm. To cousin Lila at breakfast: “Any vampires hanging around lately? Tall, fast, good stationery taste?” She choked. “What? No. That’s Northern pack crap. Why?” I shrugged. “Curious.” To a warrior during training: “Hypothetically, if a vampire saved someone from drowning, would he leave a note or just bite and run?” He laughed. “Vampires don’t save. They eat. Ask the North. Rumors say they’ve got one.”

A loud "Fuck you," followed by a rude hand gesture was all the answer she got. The rest of the room burst out laughing. Vampires were a strange bunch. When they weren't beating the crap out of each other or someone else, they were either having sex or getting drunk and partying, which usually required an enormous amount of alcohol because their metabolism burned it off so quickly. For some reason Lily had thought the Praetorians would be different what with their 'holy' mission to protect the Vârcolac. It would appear they were just like everyone else.

I asked "No. But Vampires are only in folklore. They aren't real" she pointed out. "They are real. You never thought about the fact that there could be real vampires out there?" "Of course not, that's ridiculous" "Ridiculous you say?" her tensed body a while back had calmed down a little. Pausing, her face pulled into a scowl, and she cracked up. For a while, I watched as she laughed as if I said something crazy, or rather, something unbelievable.

We aren’t strong enough! Frustration surges through me, and the vampire chuckles above me, smiling into my face. “Are those tears?” He drags a finger underneath my eyes, collecting a single tear. “It is...” his scary smile widens. “That’s lovely: I love it when my victims are terrified. It makes the blood taste even sweeter!”