Wished You Were Dead 소설 & 이야기

Kumpleto ako ng vitamins, ni hindi ako nagpapaliban ng check ups ko kahit mag-isa lang ako. Gusto ko na lang mawala. It was too difficult to live that even breathing felt so exhausting. I went home still tired. How come one day everything you wished to happen were suddenly gone in an instant? He was supposed to live. He was supposed to celebrate birthdays and have a girlfriend, or wife and a child or children, and live happily without regrets. Why did this happen? Why is everything so unfair?! How come people say that the world is still beautiful to live in when it's so already fucked up as this?

Hindi naman nagbago ang dahilan, wala ka na at hanggang ngayon napakasakit. Hindi ko nga alam kung ilang beses kong hiniling na sana nandito ka sa tabi ko. I wished for you to meet my kids, to meet my husband and to discover how much of a good person he is. I want you by my side mama. I would kill for anything o have you back. I would even kill Helios if that's what it would take for me to have you back ---but it's too impossible. You have passed n and we all have to move on without you by our sides.

Wala na akong pamilya na uuwian o hahanapin man lang kapag nangyari iyon. I’m all alone. This loneliness is slowly eating my sanity that I wished to just die without a trace. Pero… Hindi pa ako nagkaka-lovelife so I can’t die without losing my virginity. Unfair iyon sa pagkababaȇ ko! “Wishing star, wishing star, hindi naman halatang naniniwala pa rin ako sa iyo hanggang ngayon, ano? Kung may plano ka pang tuparin ang wish ko, gawin mo na!”

I want to end this fucking life. Para na akong mababaliw. Wala na akong ganang mabuhay. Ayokong makakita ng tao. Ayoko ng may kumakausap sa akin. Konting kaluskos lang pakiramdam ko may mangyayari na sa akin. Feeling ko mamatay na ako. I wished, I really wished to be gone. I prayed for that everyday. I prayed for that every night. But the next morning I am still alive. I don't know why I am still alive. I don't deserve this life. I don't deserve myself.

Naglakad ito palapit sakin at umupong naka dekwatro sa isang stool sa may gilid ng hinihigaan ko. "Not me but my men. I'm your fiance so I have to make sure you're safe. I don't want to face our family alone when you die."— umismid ako sa sinabi nito, wala manlang ka emoemosyong sinabi yun. "Wow salamat ha! Napaka touching naman nun!"— sabi ko pero inirapan ko ito. "What?"— nakakabwesit talaga yung lalim ng boses nito, dinaig pa si Hades ng underworld.

And God knows how happy he is right at this moment. “I never like hurting you, Liana… noon at ngayon…” panimula niya habang masuyong hinahaplos ang likod nito. “I know I was a fool back then. Hinayaan kitang mawala sa akin and it was too late when I realized that I cannot live without you… that I’ll die if I can’t see you… Kaya ipinahanap kita. Hinalughog ko ang buong Maynila para lang makita ka ngunit bigo ako. Sa loob ng tatlong taon, wala akong ibang ginawa kundi ang sisihin ang sarili ko. Sisihin sa lahat ng nangyari sa atin. Masyado akong nagpadala noon sa galit at selos na nararamdaman ko at hindi ko naisip na aalis ka na lang bigla at iiwan mo ako,” gumagaral ang tinig na pag-amin niy

Nahihibang na ba siya o ano? It’s for the sake of me and our empire I can’t say no, but it does not mean that I don’t have the rights to say of what I truly feel. “But I am unwilling to love you!”

Saad niya. Oo. Sana matagal na naming ginawa. Sana matagal ko nang ginawa. Kung umalis ako noon pa, kung nag move on na lang sana ako, hindi na sana sila madadamay. Pero, sino bang makaka move on kung pinatay ang anak mo at gusto mong mahanap ang may kagagawan? I wished to be an assassin before so I will be able to look after my son's death pero ang ending, wala pa din akong nagagawa.

Nakatingala siya ngayon at tinitignan ang langit. "Ahm." "You know, I wish my sister is one of the stars now." Malungkot siyang nakangiti, ang magaganda niyang mga mata ay nababahiran ng kalungkutan. "Bakit? Don't you wish for her to be alive and live well?" Because wishing someone to be a star is like wishing that they are dead. Children belief, pero pinananiwalaan parin ng mga tao. We always think that our love ones that passed away, always looking at us, in the sky.

Hindi ko alam na mangyayari ang bagay na ito, biglaan lahat ang nangyayari. "Balak kitang puntahan sa bahay mo para sabihin ang mga bagay na ito, pero mabuti na ring andito ka ngayon, sa ganoong paraan mas madali ko nang masasabi ang nais ko. Gusto kong mamuhay ng tahimik, gusto kong mawala ka sa buhay ko. I want you to cut the red strings connected with me." Parang isang bombang nahulog mula sa kung saan ang salitang binitawan niya.