Bukan Pengawal Biasa

(Piper POV)

“Piper, you can talk to me,” Dr. Eggert said softly.

I shook my head as I continued to stare out the window.  “No.”

“Anything that you say in this room is confidential,” she reminded me.

“Even from Alpha and the werewolf council?”

“Even from them.  They have taken blood oaths to ensure it, and I have taken a blood oath in return.”

“Just for me?”

“No, we have a blanket oath that applies to everyone.  Therapy would not work without confidentiality.”

I turned and looked at the middle-aged woman sitting in the chair across from mine.  She seemed sincere, and she seemed nice enough, but I was on the fence about whether I could trust her.  Or anyone.

“Why am I here, Dr. Eggert?” I asked.

“You attacked a gamma wolf, Piper.  Completely unprovoked.  You are lucky that he was not badly hurt, and you are even luckier that Luna Lily intervened and the werewolf council decided to take pity on you.  Your punishment could have been far worse.”

I scoffed.  “Pity?  Is that what they call it?”

“What would you call it?”

“I don’t know, but I would call it anything but pity.  Maybe forcing me into therapy is just an attempt to make me seem crazy.”

“Are you?”

I took a deep breath.  I silently wondered what kind of therapist asks a patient to diagnose themselves.  Perhaps Dr. Eggert should be the one sitting on this couch while I hold the white notepad and stare at her judgmentally.  

“Piper?  Do you think you are crazy?” Dr. Eggert repeated.

I groaned.  It was a stupid question, but it seemed harmless enough.  I decided that I might as well answer and get this d&mn thing over with.

“I don’t know.  Maybe.  Some days I feel like I am,” I admitted.  “But really, I think I just have a lot of things that I am dealing with.”

“The council is really worried, Piper.  And when I talked to your pack members about you, they said that you have seemed really stressed lately.”

I let out a sarcastic laugh.  “Stressed?  Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

Dr. Eggert frowned.

“Piper, what is going on?  I think it will help you to talk about it.”

I reached under the collar of my shirt and pulled out the silver locket tucked inside.  I rubbed my thumb against it, seeking the slight comfort that it usually brought me.

“That is a pretty locket,” Dr. Eggert commented.

“Thank you.”

“Where did you get it?”

“My mother gave it to me before she died.”

“Is that why you have been stressed?”

“No.  She died before I came to Moon Shadow Pack.”

 “Were you close to your mom?”

“Yes, very.  She always knew what to say and what to do and how to help me.  I feel lost without her.”

“How long ago did she pass away?”

“About four years ago, when I was 18.”

“That is awfully young to lose a parent.”

“Yes.”

“Do you think your mom would want you to talk to me?”

I ran my hands through my hair.

“I don’t know.  It would depend on whether she trusted you.”

“Do you trust me?”

“I trust no one.  Not anymore.”

“That can’t feel good.”

“It feels better than trusting someone and then getting hurt.”

Silence settled between us while Dr. Eggert tried to find yet another way to approach me.

“Piper, I have been treating patients for a very long time.  I can tell that you are hurting.  The hurt is not going to go away on its own.  You need to talk about it.”

I sighed.  Despite everything, I wanted to talk about it.  I just didn’t know how.

“I am scared to talk about it,” I confessed.

“Why?”

“Because everyone who has ever tried to help me has either hurt me or gotten hurt.  And….”

“And what, Piper?”

“What if I talk about it and you can’t help me?  What if you tell me that there is nothing that we can do to fix it?  That this is my life and I just have to get used to it being this way?  I don’t think I can bear to hear you say that, because that would take away any shred of hope I have left for a different future.”

“So you still have hope?”

I felt a tear run down my cheek.  “No.  Yes.  I don’t know.”

Dr. Eggert reached over and grabbed my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“I am not one to give up, Piper.  If I do not have a solution today, I will try again tomorrow.  And then the day after that.  And the day after that.  And every day until we find a solution.  With your permission, and only with your permission, I will get every expert and professional needed to help with your case.  Luna Lily and Dr. Hyder have already guaranteed me those resources.  But I cannot help you if I do not know what is going on.”

“Why do they care so much?  I am just an omega.”

Dr. Eggert gave me a knowing smile.  “Lesson number one, Piper.  You can lie to others, but you cannot lie to me.  In this room, I cannot force you to tell me anything, but I can absolutely demand that anything that you tell me is the truth.”

“Meaning?” 

“I know very well that you are not ‘just’ an omega.”

I looked up at Dr. Eggert, studying her eyes.  Although she was actively calling me out for lying to her, there was something comforting about the way she looked at me.  The look in her eyes vaguely reminded me of my mother. 

I desperately wanted to believe her, and I wanted to trust her.  But could I?

“What do you have to lose?” my wolf asked me in our link.  “We have tried everything else.  We are running out of options.”

“Is she telling the truth about the blood oath?” I linked back.

“Yes.  She cannot tell anyone what we tell her.”

I took another deep breath and looked down at my hands.

“Have you ever been betrayed, Dr. Eggert?”

Dr. Eggert gave me a sad smile.  “I am sure everyone has, in some way.”

“Have you ever felt the betrayal pains?” I asked next.

Dr. Eggert’s eyes widened just a little bit as she started to realize where my story was headed.

“Have you been experiencing betrayal pains?” she questioned.

“Yes.  For two years.  But that isn’t the worst part.”

“What is?”

“I don’t know who my mate is.  My wolf is slowly dying because of the pain, and yet I do not know how to stop it because I don’t even know who my f&&king mate is or even what pack he is from.”

“Piper, I am not a medical doctor, but I don’t think that is ---"

“Possible?  Yeah, I didn’t think so either.  But here I am.  I don’t know why it is happening, but it is.  I have a few theories, but there are still some pieces that I do not understand.”

“Are you sure that you are having betrayal pains?  Could it be ----”

“—something else?  Hallucinations? Phantom pains?”

“Yes.  Those are not unheard of.”

I pulled up the left sleeve of my hoodie, revealing the black and blue bruises up and down my arm.  “Do hallucinations cause these?”

Dr. Eggert looked at my arm.  I saw a flash of horror run through her eyes.  Betrayal pains do not typically leave marks, but they do if the pains occur often enough over a long period of time.

“Before you ask, the bruises are not self-inflicted.  If you want proof, I can pull up the back of my shirt.  There are bruises on my back in places that I cannot reach.  And I am a lot of things, Dr. Eggert.  But self-harm has never been my thing.”

“Why don’t you start from the beginning, Piper.  Tell me everything.”   

Fine, whatever.  She really wants to know?  I’ll tell her.  I just hope that she is prepared.

“It started a little over four years ago….”

****