Chapter 4: The Things We Don't Say

Hindi ako nakatulog nang maayos.

Paulit-ulit na bumabalik sa isip ko ang sinabi ni Ronan.

I'm trying.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang ibig niyang sabihin.

At marahil, iyon ang dahilan kung bakit hindi ko iyon kayang tigilan kakaisip.

Trying what?

Trying to stay away from me?

Trying to ignore whatever was happening between us?

O trying to convince himself na wala talagang mali sa paraan ng pakikitungo niya sa akin?

Napabuntong-hininga ako at tumingin sa kisame.

"Stop thinking about him."

I closed my eyes.

Five seconds later, siya na naman ang nasa isip ko.

"Great."

Bumangon ako at kinuha ang phone ko.

May bagong message.

Nadia: You alive?

Napangiti ako nang kaunti.

Me: Unfortunately.

Agad siyang nag-reply.

Nadia: Drama queen.

Me: I barely slept.

Nadia: Because of Ronan?

Napatingin ako sa screen.

I didn't answer.

Three dots.

Nadia: I KNEW IT.

Me: Goodnight.

Nadia: It's morning.

Me: Exactly.

Napailing ako bago ibinaba ang phone.

I needed a distraction.

Anything.

Kaya bumaba ako.

At iyon ang unang pagkakamali ko.

Dahil pagdating ko sa kitchen, nandoon si Ronan.

Again.

He was standing by the window, coffee in one hand and phone in the other.

Nang marinig niya ang mga yabag ko, lumingon siya.

Our eyes met.

For a moment, neither of us spoke.

Then—

"Morning."

"Morning."

I walked toward the coffee machine.

Tahimik.

I could feel him looking at me.

I tried to ignore it.

"Did you sleep?"

Napalingon ako.

"A little."

"You look tired."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Napairap ako.

"You're getting better at annoying me."

"Wasn't aware I was trying."

"You're naturally talented."

He smiled faintly.

There it was again.

That almost-smile.

I looked away before I could stare too long.

"About yesterday—"

"Forget it."

Napatingin ako sa kanya.

"What?"

"Yesterday."

He placed his coffee on the counter.

"Forget what I said."

I frowned.

"You said a lot of things."

"I know."

"Which one?"

His eyes met mine.

"The part about Julian."

"Oh."

I looked down.

"So you don't care anymore?"

"I didn't say that."

"Then what are you saying?"

He sighed.

"I shouldn't have said anything."

"Why?"

"Because it wasn't my place."

I didn't know why hearing that disappointed me.

Maybe because part of me wanted him to explain.

Maybe because part of me wanted him to admit that there was a reason.

"Okay."

He nodded.

"Okay."

Silence.

I grabbed my bag.

"I'll be at school until late."

He looked at me.

"Why?"

"Group project."

"With Julian?"

I stared at him.

He closed his eyes briefly.

"Sorry."

I almost laughed.

"You really can't help yourself, can you?"

"No."

"At least you're honest."

He looked at me.

"Sometimes."

There was something about the way he said it that made me pause.

Sometimes.

Not always.

I didn't know why, but that answer stayed with me.

By noon, I had completely forgotten about the conversation.

Or at least, I tried to.

I was in the library with Julian and two other classmates, working on our presentation.

For once, my mind was occupied with something else.

"Eve."

"Hm?"

Julian slid a paper toward me.

"Can you check this?"

I read it.

"This part needs another reference."

"Right."

He smiled.

"You're good at this."

"At what?"

"Making complicated things look easy."

I laughed.

"I wish."

"You make it look easy."

"That's because I'm secretly panicking."

He laughed.

And for a few minutes, everything felt normal.

Until my phone vibrated.

I checked the screen.

Ronan.

I stared at the name.

I wasn't expecting him to message me.

I opened it.

Ronan: Where are you?

I frowned.

Me: School.

His reply came almost immediately.

Ronan:Which building?

Me: Why?

No answer.

I waited.

Nothing.

I put my phone down.

"Everything okay?" Julian asked.

"Yeah."

A minute later, my phone vibrated again.

Ronan: Never mind.

I stared at the message.

What was that about?

By six in the evening, we finally finished.

I packed my things.

"Need a ride?" Julian asked.

"No, I'm okay."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. My family can pick me up."

He nodded.

"Okay."

I smiled.

"Thanks for today."

"Anytime."

As we walked outside, I noticed the dark sky.

It looked like it was going to rain.

"Looks bad," Julian said.

"Yeah."

"Text me when you get home."

"I will."

He smiled.

I smiled back.

Then I saw him.

Across the parking lot.

Ronan.

Leaning against his car.

My smile disappeared.

Why was he here?

I walked toward him.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to get you."

"I didn't ask you to."

"I know."

"Then why?"

His eyes shifted toward Julian.

"Because it's late."

I crossed my arms.

"I can take care of myself."

"I know."

"You keep saying that."

"Because I know."

"Then stop acting like I can't."

He looked at me.

"I wasn't."

"Really?"

"Really."

Julian walked over.

"Everything okay?"

Ronan looked at him.

"Fine."

Julian glanced at me.

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

He looked at Ronan.

"Take care of her."

Ronan's expression hardened.

"I can take care of her."

Julian nodded.

"Good."

Then he left.

I watched him walk away.

When I turned back, Ronan was already looking at me.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"You're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"Looking at me like you're angry."

"I'm not angry."

"Then what are you?"

He didn't answer.

I sighed.

"Let's just go."

The entire ride home was silent.

The rain started halfway through.

Heavy.

Loud against the windows.

I stared outside.

Ronan drove with both hands on the steering wheel.

He looked tense.

"Are you mad at me?"

"No."

"Then why are you so quiet?"

"I'm always quiet."

"Not like this."

He didn't answer.

I turned toward him.

"Ronan."

"What?"

"Why did you come?"

His grip tightened slightly on the steering wheel.

"I told you."

"It's late."

"Yes."

"You could've asked someone else to pick me up."

"I wanted to."

That answer caught me off guard.

"You wanted to?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

He glanced at me.

Then looked back at the road.

"I don't know."

I almost laughed.

"Again?"

"What?"

"That's your favorite answer."

He smiled faintly.

"Maybe."

The rain became heavier.

For a few seconds, there was nothing but the sound of it.

Then he spoke.

"Do you trust him?"

"Who?"

"Julian."

I sighed.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because he's my friend."

"You barely know him."

"I've known him longer than I've known you."

He went silent.

I immediately regretted saying it.

"That's not what I meant."

"I know."

"You don't have to be jealous."

His eyes flicked toward me.

"I'm not jealous."

"Then what are you?"

He didn't answer.

I looked out the window.

"Exactly."

When we arrived home, everyone was already asleep.

The house was dark.

I stepped inside.

"Goodnight."

"Eve."

I turned around.

"What?"

"Wait."

He closed the door behind him.

"What?"

He stood there for a moment.

Then—

"I'm sorry."

I blinked.

"For what?"

"For the way I've been acting."

I didn't expect that.

"Okay."

"I'm serious."

"I know."

He looked at me.

"I don't want you to think I don't want you here."

I swallowed.

"Do you?"

He hesitated.

"No."

The answer was immediate.

"No, I don't."

Something inside my chest loosened.

"Then why do you act like you do?"

He looked away.

"Because things are complicated."

"What things?"

"Everything."

I stepped closer.

"Ronan."

He looked at me.

"Tell me."

He shook his head.

"I can't."

"Why?"

"Because once I tell you, you won't look at me the same way."

I froze.

"What does that mean?"

He didn't answer.

"Ronan."

He took a step toward me.

I instinctively stepped back.

Not because I was afraid.

Because suddenly I was too aware of how close he was.

He stopped.

Neither of us moved.

His eyes searched mine.

"Go upstairs, Eve."

"Why?"

"Because I don't trust myself right now."

My heart skipped.

"What does that mean?"

His jaw tightened.

"It means you should go."

I should have.

I knew I should have.

But instead, I stood there.

Looking at him.

Trying to understand the person standing in front of me.

"Are you hiding something from me?"

He looked away.

"Yes."

"What?"

"Not tonight."

"Then when?"

"I don't know."

I stared at him.

There was something in his eyes.

Something almost vulnerable.

And for the first time, I realized that Ronan Blackwood wasn't as untouchable as he wanted everyone to believe.

He was hiding something.

Something big.

And somehow, I had a feeling it wasn't just about the family business.

"Goodnight, Ronan."

"Goodnight."

I turned around.

I took three steps.

Then stopped.

I didn't know why I did it.

Maybe because I needed to hear it.

Maybe because I wanted to test something.

I looked back at him.

"Goodnight, brother."

His expression changed.

Just for a second.

His jaw tightened.

His eyes darkened.

And I knew.

I had touched a nerve.

He looked at me for a long moment.

Then he quietly said—

"Don't."

My heart started beating faster.

"Don't what?"

He didn't answer.

Instead, he looked away.

And that was enough.

I walked upstairs.

But I couldn't stop thinking about that one word.

Don't.

Not don't call me that.

Not don't say it.

Just—

don't.

As if the word brother had suddenly become something neither of us could stand hearing.

That night, I opened my phone.

There was a message from an unknown number.

My eyebrows knitted together.

Unknown: You should stay away from Ronan Blackwood.

I stared at the screen.

Another message appeared.

Unknown: You don't know what he's capable of.

My stomach dropped.

I immediately typed a reply.

Me: Who is this?

No answer.

I waited.

Nothing.

Then another message appeared.

Unknown: Ask him about the night his father nearly lost everything.

I stared at the words.

My heart started pounding.

What night?

What happened?

And why was someone warning me about Ronan?

I looked toward my bedroom door.

For the first time since I moved into the Blackwood mansion, I felt something other than awkwardness.

I felt afraid.

Not of Ronan.

But of the secrets surrounding him.

Because if someone had gone out of their way to warn me—

then maybe Ronan wasn't the only person I needed to be careful around.

I locked my phone.

But before I could put it down, another message arrived.

Unknown: And whatever you do, Eve…

A pause.

Then—

Unknown: don't fall in love with him.

I stopped breathing.

Because somehow, the warning didn't feel impossible anymore.

It felt like something I was already dangerously close to doing.