Kasih Putih

The New York skyline glittered like a dream woven from starlight and ambition, its towers piercing the violet dusk of a September evening. The rooftop of Marcus’s apartment building felt like a stage set for magic, the air crisp with a hint of autumn, carrying the faint, earthy aroma of roasted chestnuts from a vendor far below. My heart thudded as Marcus guided me, blindfolded, up the final steps, his hand warm and steady in mine. Three years of love—born in the heated debates of a college literature class, nurtured through late-night confessions and shared dreams—had led to this moment. At twenty-six, I was ready to bind my life to his, to write our story in vows.

“Almost there, Elena,” Marcus said, his voice bubbling with excitement, a tone I’d fallen for when he first challenged my take on Shakespeare’s sonnets. “Trust me.”

“I do,” I replied, smiling despite the blindfold, my voice soft with anticipation.

The fabric slipped away, and I gasped. A small table stood before us, draped in white linen, candles flickering like tiny beacons against the breeze. A bottle of champagne gleamed in a silver bucket, condensation sparkling like diamonds. Rose petals littered the concrete, their crimson vivid against the gray. In the center, a velvet box waited, small but weighty with promise. Marcus dropped to one knee, his dark hair tousled by the wind, his blue eyes pinning mine with a gaze that drowned out the city’s hum.

“Elena Maria Rossi,” he began, his voice steady but thick with emotion, “you’ve been my spark since that day in Professor Hale’s class when you tore my argument about Sonnet 18 to shreds.”

I laughed, tears pricking my eyes. “You deserved it. You said it was just a love poem.”

“It’s more than that now,” he said, smiling, his fingers brushing the velvet box. “You showed me how to see the world—vibrant, bold, unapologetic. You’re my anchor in this chaos, the light that guides me home. I want to build a life with you, laugh with you, fight with you, grow old with you. Elena, will you marry me?”

My breath caught, words tangling in my throat. “Yes, Marcus!” I finally burst out, voice cracking. “Oh my God, yes!”

He rose, pulling me into a kiss that tasted of salt and joy, the city fading to a blur. The ring—a solitaire diamond in platinum, simple yet radiant—slid onto my finger, catching the skyline’s glow like a captured star. We popped the champagne, giggling as foam spilled over.

“To us,” Marcus said, raising his glass, his eyes never leaving mine.

“To forever,” I replied, clinking my glass against his, my heart soaring.

We sank onto a blanket, wrapped in each other’s warmth, dreaming aloud. A spring wedding in Central Park, cherry blossoms raining pink and white, our families blending my Italian fire with his Irish charm.

“Picture it,” I said, leaning against his shoulder, “Nonna’s lasagna steaming next to your mom’s soda bread.”

He chuckled, his arm tightening around me. “And a band playing tarantella and jigs. Total chaos—perfect chaos.”

“Colors?” I asked, already sketching in my mind, my jewelry designer’s eye for detail taking over.

“Ivory and sage,” he said. “Like new beginnings.”

I nodded, picturing my gown flowing, his tux sharp, our vows echoing under an open sky. “It’s going to be beautiful.”

“It’s going to be us,” he said, kissing my forehead.

Planning began at dawn. My jewelry business, Rossi Designs, had taught me to craft stories in metal and stone, and this wedding would be my masterpiece. Invitations were cream cardstock, gold-embossed, sealed with wax stamps of our initials. My dress, found after hours in a Madison Avenue boutique, was an A-line gown with lace sleeves, hugging my curves like a second skin. Marcus joined me for cake tastings, venue tours, his hand always finding mine.

“This is going to be perfect,” he said at a floral shop, sniffing a peony.

“You keep saying that,” I teased, nudging him. “But I believe you.”

“Believe it,” he said, grinning. “You’re stuck with me.”

Love, I thought, was trust—blind, unwavering. But trust is fragile, easily cracked by shadows from the past.

Two weeks before the wedding, we sat at our favorite Italian spot in Little Italy, sharing pasta carbonara, the creamy sauce a guilty pleasure. His phone buzzed, the screen flashing a name that twisted my gut: Sophia. His high school sweetheart, his “white moonlight,” as he’d once called her in a wine-soaked confession early in our relationship. The girl who’d lit up his youth, then broke his heart by leaving for Paris. A memory, not a threat. Or so I’d told myself.

“I have to take this,” Marcus muttered, his face paling as he stepped outside.

I stirred my pasta, appetite fading, the restaurant’s warmth suddenly stifling. He returned ten minutes later, eyes haunted.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, voice tight.

“She’s back,” he said, barely above a whisper. “Sophia. She’s in town. Pregnant. Alone.”

The words landed like stones, sinking into my chest. “Pregnant?” I repeated, my fork clattering against the plate.

“Not mine,” he said quickly, seeing my expression. “But she needs help. Her family’s cut her off, and the father’s gone.”

I swallowed, sympathy warring with unease. “What does that mean for us?”

“Just a short delay,” he said, reaching for my hand. “A month, maybe. I can’t leave her like this, Elena. She’s vulnerable.”

“Delay?” My voice rose, drawing glances from nearby tables. “Our wedding’s in two weeks, Marcus.”

“I know, I know,” he said, squeezing my hand. “It’s temporary. Please, trust me.”

That night, in our apartment, the argument erupted. Our living room, lined with my sketches and his law books, became a battlefield.

“Why you?” I demanded, pacing the hardwood, my bare feet cold. “Why not her friends? Her family?”

“Because I’m the only one she trusts,” he said, running a hand through his hair. “Elena, this isn’t about us. It’s about doing the right thing.”

“The right thing?” I snapped, stopping to face him. “What about us? What about me?”

“You’re my future,” he said, stepping closer, his voice softening. “This is just compassion. It doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

“Doesn’t it?” I asked, tears spilling. “You keep saying she’s your past, but she’s here, now, pulling you away.”

“Elena,” he said, pulling me into his arms, “you’re my everything. This is temporary, I swear.”

I wanted to believe him. Love, my mother had taught me, was patience, sacrifice. So I forgave him, or tried to. We postponed the wedding, sending apologetic emails to guests, citing “unforeseen circumstances.” Friends whispered, my sister Gina called from Chicago.

“Elena, are you sure about this guy?” she asked, her voice sharp. “He’s bailing on your wedding for another woman.”

“He’s helping a friend,” I said, defensive. “He’s a good man.”

“Is he?” she pressed. “Or are you convincing yourself?”

I brushed it off, but Sophia’s presence seeped into our lives like ink spreading in water. Marcus helped her find an apartment, drove her to appointments, his phone buzzing with her texts at midnight.

“It’s just as a friend,” he insisted when I confronted him, his tone weary. “She’s scared, Elena.”

“And I’m not?” I shot back, voice trembling. “I’m scared of losing you.”

“You won’t,” he said, cupping my face. “I promise.”

I met Sophia a week later, at Marcus’s insistence, to “clear the air.” We sat in a crowded coffee shop, the hum of conversation masking the tension. She was ethereal—porcelain skin, blonde hair cascading over her shoulders, her belly just starting to show under a loose sweater.

“Thank you for understanding,” she said, her green eyes meeting mine, her voice soft but deliberate. “Marcus has always been there for me. I don’t know what I’d do without him.”

I gripped my coffee, forcing a smile. “He’s a good friend,” I said, emphasizing the word, my tone sharper than intended.

“He is,” she agreed, her gaze unwavering, a hint of something—possession?—flickering in her eyes.

Marcus sat between us, silent, his hands fidgeting. “We’re all on the same page, right?” he asked, voice strained.

“Sure,” I said, my smile tight. “Same page.”

That night, alone while Marcus was “checking on Sophia,” I sat on our couch, twisting my engagement ring. It felt heavier, less a promise, more a question. Doubt whispered: *Was I his forever, or a stand-in for his white moonlight?* I pushed it away, opening my laptop to revise our guest list, adjust the timeline. Patience, I told myself, was love’s cornerstone.

In my journal, I explored the ache: *Love is a choice, but so is self-worth. How long do I wait before choosing me?* I sketched a necklace—a broken heart, mended with gold, a lesson in resilience I wasn’t ready to embrace. The city hummed outside, indifferent, as I wrestled with the first crack in our foundation.