Funny Sex Jokes Novels & Stories

“You alright there, June? You crushed?” I wasn’t sure my mouth had worked—“So long you fuck me like this till I die . . .”—but apparently it did, because the whole room laughed. The air smelled heavily of sex and exertion. Tasted of sexual freedom. What an amazing group of people I had in my life. How lucky I was to be a part of them. But then again, I play well with others.

We're both laughing now which has an extinguishing affect on our sexual tension. "Don't make me laugh or he won't stand very tall for long," I cry but our lovemaking is degenerating into a laugh fest. "Rub my sides like that," Jasmine continues with the high-pitched penis voice. "Hey is she trying to drown me?" she laughs at the reference to her juice-filled pussy. I grab her hips and try to restart the rhythm but we're both laughing and my cock is losing some of its firmness. "Jasmine!" I moan. "This isn't funny!" But it is and she falls forward onto my chest, kissing my mouth while neither of us is close to climaxing.

Anika said out loud with a chuckle, I could see the mockery in her eyes but I was too furious to pay any attention to her. Then Aiden turned to me “Are you perhaps still a virgin and refused to fuck your husband and he had to do p**n to get his load off” he joked and everyone laughed and it felt like high school once again, I was always the butt end of their jokes. “No wait guys, she’s definitely not a virgin the real question is, have you ever sucked a dick?” it was Anika. I haven’t. “I wonder if she knows what an orgasm feels like?” And again I didn’t.

Alexander laughs, sparing me the details. Zane laughs from across the room. “It’s where you pee on your partner during sex.” I heave, my stomach knotting. “Why would anyone do that!” I shout, disgusted. “Some people like stuff like that.” Dean adds, shrugging. “Well not me!” I snort in a huff, “I’ll never do that.” “Speaking off, have you ever done anything in relation to sex?” Matthew asks, Causing all the men to stop what they are doing and turn to look at me. “Have you been with anyone?”

"Okay sweetie," Sofia said. "I'll see you tomorrow night." She ended the call and leaned against the counter. "Hey," she said, smiling. "Mind if I join you?" Somewhat relieved, Lisa said "sure." Whatever was bugging Sofia must have passed. She poured a glass of wine for herself after Lisa offered it. Sofia sat next to Lisa and helped herself to some popcorn. The episode of Sex & The City involved a running joke about semen, particularly from one of Samantha's boyfriends. Both girls laughed at the show's jokes and one-liners.

Okay, the joke stopped being funny when he said that. “You can’t die!” I told him and it was his turn to laugh. “Don’t worry, baby! I am not going to die. Plus, there are a lot of other positions that we can try. Why are we even talking about sex?” I laughed when he added the last part of his words. “Because sex is fun and I need some fun in my life!” I replied. “If that’s the case then let’s keep talking about it.” He said as he pulled out of our driveway. Throughout the ride to the phone shop, we talked about sex and what we would be trying out when I get bigger.

"Hey Maddie. I am so sorry about my careless joke about us having s*x when we do get married. We wouldn't have to if you don't want to, I promise. I would never force you to do something you don't want to do." Maddie sighed, heavily. Weirdly, she found the text message refreshing. Like a cup of cold water had just been poured on her. She found it funny too. The words 'when we do get married' that he had used, like he was certain they were going to get married, was hilarious. Was it even possible for them to get married without them having s*x. Didn't marriage and s*x come hand in hand. Even if they did reach an agreement to not have s*x ever, he was a full blooded man with needs, would he th

I wouldn't have been surprised if there was a bet going on me having sex with another guy. Anthony, Tim, and I had several conversations about the benefits of gay sex over straight sex, which was always hilarious to all of us because I had never had gay sex while they had never had sex with a woman. So the benefits of either usually boiled down to us making fun of the other as crudely as possible. We had gone on for quite a while trying to one-up each other with crude, lewd, and usually cliched remarks about gay vs straight. Going back and forth between us was usually one of my favorite things about working with these two.

I've had a few beers and the effects are hitting me. "If you plan sex, you just don't enjoy it as much." Denver says. He too is enjoying himself and he is more vocal now that he had a few beers in. "We've never planned sex, how would you know." Nadine asks and I laugh lowly. "Baby, I had a boring girlfriend before you." He says and everybody laughs. "I personally feel like the whole role play thing makes everything ten times sexier. Especially if you're wife is already a teacher." Scott says and I laugh highfiving him.

I winked, totally fixing my attention to him and then to Jacq who had already planned on excusing herself. "Girls' night, here we come" I muttered under my breath as glared at me piercingly. **** NOW "The pain should've reduced by now" I said, already three episodes into the second season of sex education. "You know if you asked less, my mind would be off it" Marc replied, his hand groped around his crotch. "That won't do the trick you know" I said, as i stared at me before i choked on laughter. "It's not funny. Imagine a stick up your ass-" He said vulgarly and I let myself gasp.