Funny Sex Jokes Novels & Stories

“I don’t do kisses. But if you'd serve up that ass, of course I’d grace it with my cock.” “I hear big black cocks are in demand.” “That’s right,” he stopped at my front door as we tried not to laugh. We both had the same thought. Axel would be scandalized to see this. He hated the gay jokes, so it became a sport Sean and I perfected much to his annoyance. I unlocked my front door, and as soon as I stepped in, I knew someone had been here. Sean saw it too, because he whistled behind me. I took quick strides towards the stairs, past the Persian rugs where I had sunk in Olivia’s warmth two nights ago, and hurried up to my study.

His groans and grunts mix with my whimpers and moans, filling the basement as he continues to pound into me until he’s completely spent and my pussy has milked him of every last drop. Sliding his finger out of my ass, he leans over me and kisses the nape of my neck. He’s still semi-hard and buried inside me, and I know it’s not going to take him long to get fully hard again. The man is like a fucking sex machine, and the idea of it has me giggling softly into my arm. “What’s so funny?” he asks, nuzzling his face against my neck and giving me a soft bite. “I was just thinking about what an absolute sex god you are and how fucking lucky I am.”

“If we got nothing else, at least we can laugh.” Vincent and I run through everyone throwing rice and get into his car. “Ready to spend every day laughing your ass off?” Vincent asks. “I spent the last 40 years screwing my ass off; the next 40, I can laugh my ass off,” I tell him. “I mean, if we can have sex like we did back there, we can screw our asses off too,” Vincent gives me a side eye. “Wanna bet?” I tease. “Let’s find out what two old folks can do,” Vincent jokes as we drive.

For the next week, we do nothing but have sex. It wasn't a conscious decision, but both of us just silently decided to take a day off. And then another one and another and so on. Jae from his job and me from school. For some reason, we decided fucking every day isn’t enough to guarantee a pregnancy. We need to fuck multiple times a day, too. It's insane, actually, but I don't hate it. Not at all. Apparently, sex makes Jae a happy boy and now that I discovered half of his asshole comments are jokes, I don't take things as hard as I used to.

He stood them both up and gave her a toe-curling kiss before swatting her on her butt and nudging her towards the door. “Ladies, please excuse us. Assholes, let’s get this over with; I want to go fuck my wife.” “Dad!” His children that were there all yelled at him. “What? Don’t tell me that you think we don’t have sex. We have nine of you shitheads.” Sid rolled her eyes. “They think we quit having sex after we had Camille.” Trigg laughed. “Ladies, I highly recommend sex on the back of the bike.” Sid grinned at her husband.

So I reluctantly follow him. “Clear the room guys!” He says to a couple making out in his room. The girl giggles. “Would there be a threesome? We would love to join you guys! Make it an orgy may be,” She says, leering at Riley. I roll my eyes hard enough to see the back of my head. “Seriously! She is drunk! You are practically suggesting a felony.” I tell her sternly. “Jeez, I was just joking.” ‘Learn to make better jokes.’

I said teasingly and tightened my grip on his waist, with too much pressure I bit his skin on the side of his collarbone. "Shoot it inside me, daddy. I want you to get me pregnant." Nick replied as he rides my dick as fast as he can. A few minutes later, I can't hold myself anymore and without informing Nick, I cum inside his asshole. "Fuck! You look so hot, dude. I can't believe I just witnessed two men having sex in front of me." Suddenly the man said, I almost forgot that we had someone here in the hot tub. Nick and I just laughed as he rested his head on my shoulder.

I trust him, so I look at the comments. "Lisa, how do you make him switch so quickly? My guy never pounces like that" "Okay, Lisa you need to spill, why did he go so crazy, how did you make it happen?" "I am such a pain, if I was Lisa I wouldn't be having sex outside. How did you get to the point you could Lisa?" The comments shock me, most are not about the sex, a few are from guys clearly enjoying themselves watching the videos or looking at the pictures. But most are people looking for advice about how to do things like we do.

Instead, I say, “Well, you never talk about it.” “I’m married! I have sex with the same man a couple of times a week.” She shrugs. “I mean, we do fun stuff sometimes, but mostly it’s just, ‘All right, Shelby, brace yourself.’” She impersonates Sam’s voice and makes a face, and I am dying of laughter. I stop laughing and say, “I’m sorry.” I wonder if sex will ever turn into that for me, but I hope not.

We're both laughing now which has an extinguishing affect on our sexual tension. "Don't make me laugh or he won't stand very tall for long," I cry but our lovemaking is degenerating into a laugh fest. "Rub my sides like that," Jasmine continues with the high-pitched penis voice. "Hey is she trying to drown me?" she laughs at the reference to her juice-filled pussy. I grab her hips and try to restart the rhythm but we're both laughing and my cock is losing some of its firmness. "Jasmine!" I moan. "This isn't funny!" But it is and she falls forward onto my chest, kissing my mouth while neither of us is close to climaxing.