Funny Ways To Die Novels & Stories

RYAN There are so many ways to kill. This, I have realized from reading books and experience itself. From my findings, there is the easy way of poisoning ones food, injecting said poison straight into the heart or even pushing the person down a cliff. Then the hard ways involve strangling, drowning, burning, amputation of the body bit by bit. As my mind go the latter, I feel a slight low burn at me back and sides, so I roll over in the mattress to get comfortable. My body had not been cut off, but by back and the sides of my ribs tell a different story.

Carl pulled her into his arms and said, "Don't cry, Pheebs. Everyone has their own destiny." What bullshit! I didn't believe in that rubbish, yet my fate had played such a huge prank on me. It had turned me into such a harbinger of misfortune. I saw the slight smile on Carl's face. He seemed to be pleased that I was dead. He and the rest of them surrounded my body. Silence descended upon them as they looked at my photo and urn. Gary said grimly, "Holly called me this afternoon and told me she was going to die. She wanted us to have one last meal with her."

As one of the country's top high school teachers, I have helped countless students get into the best colleges. But I somehow find myself reborn as a poor kid from the countryside while attending a ceremony honoring my achievements. A mysterious voice echoes in my mind. "If you fail to get into college, you'll die!" How hard can that be? It's just getting into college. That's hardly a challenge for a genius like me. But soon I realize that getting into college isn't really about how smart you are. In the end, it all comes down to people and their motives.

Kyle laughed out loud. “Oh, I can imagine what facial expression he would have, on his face. I’m sure you’re going to laugh so bad that you might have to use the restroom, a few times. By the way, their little girl would have to die in one of the most painful ways of death – poisoning!”

I exclaimed suddenly when I read that I would be skin alive! What type of assassination technique is that? Why is there such a choice in the mode of execution? I thought that the only ways I could die were by falling from a tall building, hanging myself, poisoning myself, or stabbing myself in the heart! Why did my manner of murder come out this way? Skinning alive?

If you're really a Ford, I'll let you use my head as a soccer ball. The room burst into laughter. Mia's face darkened. Her voice turned cold. "Logan, enough. Keep this up and I'm really breaking up with you." My consciousness started fading. My limbs turned cold. Darkness crept into my vision. With difficulty, I turned toward a blurry figure near the doorway. Using the last of my strength, I forced out: "Help... me..." Aaron burst out laughing. "Who's going to save you? Your fans?" The crowd laughed as they shoved me back into the liquor again.

He let out that deep, pot-bellied laugh before he finally spoke. “Ah. I haven’t had this type of fresh entertainment in a long time.” He said. “We should have females frequently shifting out of sanity like this. It will be fun to watch you rip flesh every now and then, old friend.” He added and the crowd roared in agreement while I swallowed. Could they at least release me while they discussed my death? Not that I’m saying I accept dying. It would just be nice for anyone to have a breather. Not actually die before they are killed. You know what I mean?

“Let us take turns stabbing him!” “Boil him in hot oil!” “Amputate his body parts!” “Burn him on a stake!” Various aggrieved individuals in the crowd screamed out the different ways they would like to see Kai killed and I wished I could kill him in every single one of the gruesome ways they’d suggested just for the fun of it. “Silence!” I commanded as I rose to my feet and the huge crowd fell silent immediately.

We have all laughed at the coffin dance meme one time or another. Well, we have laughed at it and the skits that have been connected with it. Even I am guilty of such actions. Not that death is anything to laugh at... And on that note, here are some experiences about coffins that will make you run away, instead of dance. Enjoy! ++++++++++++

I muttered, “if I wanted you dead, I wouldn’t poison you. I’d shoot you instead.” Their mouths dropped open, and I realized too late that I shouldn’t be joking about something like that. A nervous laugh fell from my lips. “I—I was only joking. You’d be able to smell poison from a mile away, and I know you’ll get the gun away from me within seconds.” Devrim was the first to break the silence. “You humans have a sick sense of humour. I don’t really see what’s so funny in what you said.” “I’m sorry.”