Kenapa Belum Siap Aku Kehilangan Dirimu นิยาย & เรื่องราว

“That fire. That edge.” “You sound surprised.” “I’m not.” His voice dropped a little. “I’ve missed it. I’ve missed you.” I hated that my heart stuttered at that. I hated that my fingers didn’t loosen their grip. “Damon,” I whispered. “I don’t know if I’m ready.” “You don’t have to be,” he said. “I just… I wanted you to know I’m still here.” “For what?” I asked. “For me? For a mate who disappeared and didn’t say goodbye?”

Stark and naked in all its glory. What if I can’t fix it? What if I can’t get him back? What if I already lost him, and he just hasn’t told me yet?

It’s already 7:00 pm and I’m still writing this because maybe I don’t have a gift for her this birthday. I've been lost for words lately. I feel like spontaneity is starting to leave me too, like you did. My tears are become strangers, it's been a while. And I'm starting to think that perhaps this is how you too left. Slowly. Sad. Maybe you said goodbye, maybe a lot of times in a form of a whisper during those nights we disappointed each other. That is why when you quietly packed yourself and left me. I cannot ask and utter a word. Maybe I knew all along. After all, all the words has long been silently said.

I wipe my face with my sleeve, sniffling as I finish. “If you’re already gone, if you’re on your way to Africa, then I hope you know that I will never forget you. But if you’re here, if you’re still here… please come back. I need you. I’m not ready to give up on us.” I step down from the car, my legs feeling weak beneath me. It’s over. I’ve said everything. Now, all I can do is wait.

I woke up with my nightmare that she is gone. The scene of losing her is still playing in my head. I only sleep half awake because of the pain of losing her. I don’t want to question God but I can’t stop myself from asking him why? Nobody understands what I feel right now, because the only man that I can talk to cannot hear me already. He is there but he is already gone. Like Tania. She is just there but she is gone. I wish everything will be back to normal because I will never leave her again. It is my mistake to set her aside because I didn’t know that it would hurt. If only I would die today just to be with her. I would be glad. Even killing Joper and his friends didn’t give me satisfacti

How could I explain that despite how right it felt to be with him, there were still gaps in my mind that I couldn’t fill? “I feel... lost,” I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. “There are memories I can’t reach, Killian. I know they’re there, just out of my grasp, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t remember everything. I know I love you, and I know this is where I belong, but there’s a part of me that’s terrified those missing pieces will come back and change everything.” His hand stilled on my back, and for a moment, he didn’t say anything. His brow furrowed, and his jaw tightened slightly, but when he finally spoke, his voice was steady and calm.

And that very fucking moment, you came to the realization that you need to be Trinity Stone…That… That is when I lost you for the first time! I couldn’t feel you; you had disappeared into nothing. For a while, I wondered whether it was possible to live life without a pulse. “Please come back! Please!” I kept yelling. I wasn’t sure whether I was yelling that for your sake or mine. Then it hit me. You are not ever going to come back again. I felt like an anchor that just sank to the bottom of deep, dark ocean waters. I throbbed with sadness, and there was nothing I could do to get you back.

"I can think of a few things is like to do. And what was the other thing you haven't told me?" "That one is a surprise so I have a good reason for not telling you." "Is it a bad or good surprise?" "I don't know. I'll let you be the judge of that, but it's not ready yet so you might have to wait a day or two." "Can't you give me sooner, I'm dying of suspense." "I'll see what can be done about that but I'm not promising anything." "And this means I'm never seeing Simon again, I was looking forward to having him around."

I woke with her name on my lips and the taste of regret coating my tongue. The phone screen remained blank. No messages. No calls. Nothing but the echo of my own desperate need and the growing certainty that I'd lost her before I'd ever really had her.

So I feared, every hour, every day, every week, every month, that one day I would lose her. And I did. When I found her again, it was a nightmare…she didn’t remember me. She. Didn’t. Remember. Me. So I made her remember me. And when she did...she ran. She doesn’t love me anymore. ~ Why do I keep losing you? Why am I always chasing you? Could it be we just don't belong together? Am I fighting for something that’s just not meant to be? I've waited a lifetime, Dalia. Begged, fought, and groveled. But I can’t keep doing this to myself. And I can't force you to want to know what happened.