Orphan Dark Humor Jokes Novels & Stories

"Now that deserves a SANDing-ovation. I was afraid I was going to have to use some CAMEL-flage to get out of here. I was just SHORE things were going to end badly. Now I am hungry. You know what I want?" The other men started. "A…a SANDwich?" Renat asked, unsure of what to do with the jolly general. "Precisely! And don't forget DEsSERT," Junayd laughed. "But don't try to SAND by me to me when it comes to jokes. You will always come up a few GRAINs short." The boy shrugged and gave the General a sidelong glance. "I have found that all jokes about deserts fall under DRY humor. But perhaps that is because one has to be deserted to fully appreciate them."

She chuckled and then broke into delighted laughter. He grinned. “You get that I’m joking?” “Well, of course you’re joking. Vomity ones.” She laughed again. “Too funny.” “Most people don’t get my jokes. Say they’re inappropriate.” He finger-quoted inappropriate. “Are they idiots?” “Arguably.” She laughed again. “A woman who gets my jokes…” His pleased little grin turned into a broad smile. “Can I buy you a coffee sometime? Or a jet?” “A jet?” She laughed until her stomach ached and she had to bend over with her hands on both knees to catch her breath. “You’re killing me.”

She said that and I started dying on the floor, that was probably the funniest thing I've ever heard. "That is the fucking stoner spectrum!! Either you're a fucking Einstein or a fucking retard that tried to play baseball with a robot," I said, laughing through my words, causing Alex to break too, laughing and pointing out how fucked up my sense of humor is, "It's not my fault! Imagine having a fucked up humor before going through the dungeons of hell to become an arch-demon." "Tha-That's fair but still, that's fucked!" "Fuck me, that was funny," I said and the look I got from Alex scared the fuck outta me, she looked hungry but also cautious, "You good?"

“Wait, I’ve got more. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?” He side-eyes me. “What?” “A can’t opener.” Levi groans, shaking his head. “You’re actually proud of that one.” I grin. “Of course I am. Little bit.” He tosses some chopped parsley into the pan. “These jokes are terrible.” “You asked for it and you’re still laughing.” He tries to hide it, but I catch the corner of his mouth twitching again. “I’m humoring you.” “Uh huh. Okay. One last one. Promise.”

“Yeah well, my sleeping pattern has been off-balance lately, so it's only natural that my eating habits will change too. And geez, I can't help being hungry all the time.” “I think you should cut back on the food a little. At this rate, you'll end up being the biggest person I know.” He teased, poking her belly. “You're such a dick.” “But you still love this dick.” “Are you serious right now? Tell me, does it look like I’m in the mood for any of your crap?” “Whoa, it was just a joke.” “Don't joke like that. Some jokes that are funny, right? And others that are just not ok. Guess which category yours falls into.”

I was giggling like a loon. “A corpse went to a rheumatologist, and said he was feeling rather stiff-” “That's hilarious!” I laughed. “That's not the joke-” “I love this cheese. Mmm. Cheese and crackers,” I sang, munching on the hors d'oeuvres. “Ooo! And there's brie! And crab dip-” “Do you want to hear the joke or not!” he boomed. “Eh, not really. No.”

I can't– I just can't with this friend of mine. "Your jokes are all lame. Even an infant won't find it funny." I said and they all laughed at what I have said. Well, it is the truth. "Who would laugh at a joke saying 'are you a clown? 'Cause you're just a clown'?" I asked. " It looks like someone is stunned because of the smile for his love of his life." Mr. Kirke was teasing Mr. Disero. I was curious to know who it was but ended up not to ask since it was none of my business.

someone yelled. "I won’t shut up until someone answers!" Lucas shouted back, clearly enjoying the attention. "We don’t know and we don’t care, so shut the hell up, Lucas!" another voice barked. "Wrong! It’s called Lemon-aid! Get it? Like the drink?" The groan this time was even louder. "Dad jokes are never, ever funny," Elodie muttered, shaking her head.

Bradley Fry, my CEO husband, loves bringing his friends home for meals the most. He claims that this makes them feel like an actual family. As they drink in the feast I've whipped up for everyone, one of Bradley's friends comments smilingly, "I knew that you were a virtuous one, Emily! Now this is how the legitimate wife should act!" My expression doesn't falter as I ask in a half-joking manner, "Oh? Does Bradley have a spoiled and pampered mistress by his side, then?" His friends are stunned by my question. A trace of panic crosses their eyes simultaneously. But Bradley just wraps an arm around my shoulders with a smile. "Don't listen to their nonsense, Emily. Who else is worthy as my

It wasn't just me who heard what Hubert Lock said. His parents heard them too. Laidman Lock immediately raised a hand and smacked Hubert lightly on the arm, irritation creeping into his voice. "What kind of nonsense are you talking about? Who jokes with their wife like that?" Michelle Lock quickly patted the back of my hand and comforted me softly. "Crystal, don't take it to heart. It's April Fools' Day, isn't it? Hubert was just being thoughtless and making a joke."