you re so old jokes one liners

The youngest billionaire in town with looks of Adonis and everything at his feet desired just one thing more in life. His perfect match. He wished for a wife whose beauty would turn heads, a smile which would lighten up his world and figure which would curve perfectly under his fingers. A beauty who spoke with etiquette and made him proud. But he got her A mediocre girl with average looks, fierce personality and no curves. Outspoken and downright rude. She was everything he didn't want his wife to be like. But who could defy when their souls were bound by threads of fate. She was insecure And he fueled it further She considered herself inferior to him And he used every chance to make it a belief. She had a beautiful delicate golden heart And he made sure to taint it black and crush it under his Gucci shoes. She was his not so beautiful wife And he made sure that nothing left of her could be ever considered beautiful. "I will taint every damn fibre of your body my dear Elle...every bit of it till you beg me to divorce you" -Ashton "I will love every flaw of you my dear husband ...each and everyone till this heart beats for you" -Elle BEAUTY SERIES: Book 1 His not so beautiful wife Book 2 His Scarred Beauty

In the eighteenth century Asia, nestled in eastern Korea, there was a peaceful and the most captivating kingdom called Noam, but even Confucius had his misfortunes. It was time when the royal family of Noam experienced a tragic incident. Queen Iseul, the beautiful fair royal consort of Noam, did something heinous against a poor girl with the help of a Shaman. The dying girl, with no other alternative, viciously cursed the Queen's unborn twins leaving behind a scar in the walls of the royal family. From there, the foundation of an unfortunate event started to set it's roots. The heart wrenching saga of misfortune inaugurated. The Devil's Bible was the last resort to lift up the curse, but unfortunately the solution to lift the curse leads to a bloody path. The major part of the story revolves around Si-ri, the cursed child and her journey to freedom. A girl who has been imprisoned in an old mansion by her father to ensure her safety.

Who would show up? When are they going to appear? What do they desire? Maya Asher has just turned twenty three in the year 2023... Thomas Roman was reborn in the year 1919. He become a watchful vampire guardian. He had been Maya Asher 's guardian since the moment of her birth, watching from between realities. Trying to remain unnoticed but bound by a blood oath. Their love wil be tested from the moment of that electrifying touch...that magical kiss...

Mia Thomson, an eighteen-year-old high school student, is heartbroken when she learns her longtime boyfriend has fallen for her best friend. Overwhelmed, she collapses and is rushed to the hospital. There, she unexpectedly encounters Shawn Mandez, the CEO of Beats Corporation, who urgently needs a spouse. Despite her predicament, Mia decides to help him out, only to be swiftly served divorced by him immediately after they finish signing their marriage certificate: “I’ll have my personal assistant send you the divorce papers," the CEO, who was not a man of many words, uttered coldly. Right at this moment, a sleek black Maybach pulled up in front of them. Without sparing the girl as little as a second glance, the demi-god stepped into the luxurious car and it soon disappeared out of sight. Mia was stunned.

"อื้อออ ซี๊ดด กระแทกแรงๆ เลยค่ะที่รัก อ๊ะ อ๊ะ" ปัง! "แอล!" "เฮ๊ย! เข้ามาทำไมวะ" "ยังกล้าถามอีกเหรอ ฉันมากกว่าไหมที่ต้องถามนายว่ากำลังทำบ้าอะไร" "ซี๊ดดด เอากันอยู่ไง ไม่มีตาดูรึไง" "ก็เพราะมีตาดูไง ถึงได้ถาม นายทำแบบนี้ได้ยังไง นายคบกับฉันแต่มาเอากับผู้หญิงคนอื่นนี่นะ!" "ก็เธอไม่ให้ฉันเอา ฉันก็ต้องมาเอากับคนอื่นสิวะ รู้แล้วก็รีบออกไปสักที ขัดจังหวะชิบ"

Tara isn't your everyday beauty shit she wasn't a size 0 runway model, she was curvey thick and flawless nonetheless. It took her years to see that in herself after going through the ups and downs of being tossed through the foster system she had all but lost her faith in herself. This is why she chooses to become an advocate for foster kids like her. When she first launched her UFCP program she had only one private supporter. Now here she was at a huge charity banquet representing her program publicly and the program would now be recognized nationally. It was like a dream come true especially when she runs into the investor who happens to be an old friend from the foster system who was in the same house as her. Giovanni Berlusconi, he had glowed up since she last saw him all those years ago and he apparently felt the same about her. The only problem was he was a mafia king pin and Tara might have known much about the mob, but she sure as hell knew she wanted no parts of it. Especially after two of her colleagues end up dead in a mysterious car crash after questioning Gio's family connections to the recent spike in missing persons cases in the city. Tara had tried to blow him off politely but Gio wasn't having it. Stopping by her office unannounced. Tara was desperate to avoid the mob boss at all cost that is until she accidentally stumbles on to a private family meeting and witnesses him killing someone. Now she has only two choices marry the very man she fears or die.

In a realm of criminal activities and allegiance, 20-year-old Sofia Rosario is ensnared in a last-ditch effort to protect her family. Sofia is compelled to marry Mark Carvajal, the fierce Underboss of the Hernandez crime syndicate, and must maneuver through the dangerous world of mafia power struggles and hidden family truths. While forming a relationship with Mark, she uncovers a tangled network of deceit, allegiance, and suppressed emotions. Will their love save them, or will it bring about their downfall? Immerse yourself in this gripping, heartfelt mafia love story to discover the truth.

Daria is a nun who has never followed her heart or stepped out of the lines. Bedtime is strict, alcohol is forbidden, relationships are out of the question, and Daria has devoted herself entirely to her faith and the church—until she is diagnosed with cancer. Without money for chemotherapy, Daria decides to live life to the fullest, starting with kissing a stranger and breaking the rules of chastity. But wait, why does the man whose lips she has tasted look so familiar?!

Damien Logan, a ruthless billionaire, is used to control and power. But his life is shaken after a one-night stand with a mysterious woman, Ariana. When he wakes up to find her gone, he assumes they’ll never meet again until fate steps in. Struggling with debt and the loss of her job, Ariana unexpectedly finds herself back in Damien's world. Faced with his grandfather’s demand to marry a woman of his choosing, Damien comes up with a bold plan: a marriage contract with Ariana. In exchange for pretending to be his wife, she’ll get the financial stability she needs. Reluctantly, Ariana agrees, stepping into a life of wealth and lies. But as their fake marriage goes on, their walls start to crack. The line between pretending and real feelings starts to blur. Secrets and insecurities threaten to ruin everything. Can a love built on a lie survive, or will their contract end before they find each other’s hearts?

A tale of two souls, intertwined by fate: One soul, cloaked with isolation and grief, was a solitary figure who struggles to connect with others. The other soul has a heart hardened against the possibility of love. Florence “Flo” Emry, now twenty-one, has retreated into a life of solitude following a traumatic car accident that occurred when she was sixteen. It changed her life forever. The accident left her completely deaf in one ear and partially deaf in the other as she needs hearing aid for it. She was devastated when she found out that she became disabled, but she was more broken when she also found out that she had tragically lost her parents and older brother in only one night. Feeling abandoned and worthless, Florence, who was filled with debt from her student loan, has become deeply disappointed and resentful towards herself, seeing herself as a useless human being. One fateful day, a chance encounter with a mysterious man named Zacchaeus “Chaos” Spencer Battenkurt the filthy rich billionaire playboy, 26 years old, turned her life upside down. This charismatic, very polite and respectful man, seemingly ordinary, was actually hiding a deep dark secret. These two souls, so different yet intertwined by fate, must navigate their own internal struggles while also confronting the challenges of their external world. But the question remains: Will they be able to break down their barriers and find solace in each other’s company or will their differences prove to be insurmountable obstacles?