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“Aah, yes!! Harder! Harder Gabe, I’m almost there! Oh yes! “

I moaned loudly, arched my spine, and threw my head back.

Was it true? Far from it, I already had to spit on my hand and rub it between my legs two times so that he would think I was still soaking wet for him.

“I’m coming, Gabe! Harder!” 

I breathed out my moans and slightly turned them up a notch, not screaming, but almost. A slight trembling in my thighs, dragging my nails up his back and squeezing his dick a couple of times while he was pounding me like a dog in heat, so convinced I was right there on the heavenly edge with him.

I should have a fucking Oscar for this performance!

His grunting became more carnal, reminding me of a dying squirrel, and his hips stiffened as he showed his dick deeper in like it was an incredible effort for him.

An Oscar for fucking! That would have been something to put on the shelf! I had to hold back the laughter as I prepared my thank you speech in my head. My teacher's face would be priceless. Before she fainted, that is.

“Fuck, baby! You’re so tight!!”

He slumped atop me, nearly knocking the air out of my lounges and ruining my little daydream. His body was warm and sweaty. Drops of sweat trickled down his chin and landed on my chest. Yuk! He was turning limp inside me and started covering my neck with sloppy, wet kisses. A shiver went through my body, and I grabbed his shoulders and pushed him a little back. I was faking a smile. I just needed his car key so I could go to work!

I made it just in time! I worked at an old, run-down gas station outside of town. With late shifts and night shifts, it was a crappy and tedious job, but at least I got paid. What made it even better was the old couple running it; they were super sweet. The shift dragged out; a couple of bikers stopped by, and a young couple who had lost their way. That’s it! 

A quarter past midnight, I was on my way home. Staring straight ahead on the dark road in a haze—no road lights, no passing traffic, and not even a single house—I was spaced out. Driving home in the darkness always made me this way. I never had any idea what was awaiting me at home. Home, I scoffed.

It was an old dump, but the only place my mom could afford to rent, and this time, we managed to keep it for over six months. To say she could afford rent was a stretch; she used my school funds and, even then, expected me to pay up from pocket.

Would all my things be scattered outside the house when I came home? It would not be the first time a landlord had thrown us out because Mom missed payments again.

Would the electricity work? Was the house on fire? Parts of it, maybe? Would a crowd with drunk, high, and nasty people stumble around? Was this the time I came home and found her dead? Perhaps the first thing I see will be flashing blue lights. Both Police, paramedics, and firefighters knew our address well by now.

I jumped in my seat, and the car made a sharp turn; sweat formed on my temples as I struggled to regain control. The car parked on the side of the road, and my heart was pounding. My grip on the steering wheel was so tight it hurt, but I didn’t notice before I had time to calm down enough. My knuckles were white when I finally let it go.

“What the fuck was that!?” 

I shouted to my steering wheel. Did I run over an animal? Did I imagine it? I swallowed hard. Should I go out and check? And then what? Bring an injured stary home? I couldn’t afford to take it to a vet!  Oh god, what if I hit a poor dog?

I need to calm down! I don’t even know if I hit anything; maybe I missed it. Or it was just a freaking shadow. Was it even an it? Perhaps I hit the ditch or a huge rock? Rummaging through my purse, I found my phone, 10% great. Just turning the flashlight on made it drop 8%

The crisp night air brushed against my face as I set one foot out the door, and my whole body froze! My head snapped to the side while my heart hammered at a raging speed, trying to break through my chest. Nothing, there was nothing there! A branch broke right in front of me in the blinding darkness, and I jumped back in, slammed the door shut, and locked the door behind me. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck! It’s just an owl! I murmured as I fidgeted with the key. My hands were shaking so badly I missed it! The keys fell to the floor, and I dived down after them. My imagination was running wild; suddenly, the gavel crunched, behind the car, at the passenger side, under the car, and I fucken jammed the key in the ignition and pressed the pedal as hard as I could, all while holding my breath.

Gravel and dirty skyrocketed behind the vehicle before it jumped ahead, and I held max speed all the way home. Not once did I look in the mirror, and not once did I slow down. I’m going home now!

Driving up to the dark house I call home, I finally felt like I could breathe again. The place looked quiet; no cars were in the driveway, and my things were not scattered on the lawn or sidewalk. There was no loud music, no lights, and no one was stumbling around puking outside.

This can be a good night or the end of everything as I know it. 

The only sound is squeaking the door as it opens; it’s so quiet. It's way too quiet. She’s usually home by now. She can’t drive, and the last bus passed half an hour ago. The air was cold, but it felt still like it had piled up in the house and got stuck there. Old and dense. Yes, I'm home.

I clicked the switch a couple of times before giving up; it was gone again. I was so sure I had paid the last bill! I sighed and looked down at my phone—5%. Just perfect! I need to find somewhere to charge it before I can sleep.

I decide to walk through the house to look for Mom before I head back out; maybe Gabe is still awake. I can fake another orgasm if that means I can sleep in a warm bed and get my phone charged at the same time. With the cold light from the moon shining through the windows, I make my way from room to room. Nothing. Nobody. Only dust, empty bottles, and the sound of a window slamming against the frame.

 The moment the bathroom door slid open, I saw her dark and fragile silhouette against the cold and white floor. Holding my breath, I wait, but it’s impossible to know if she´s breathing or not.

“Mom?”

My voice barely carried, and as a pathetic whisper, I breathed it out between my lips, like breaking the thick silence would ruin anything.

Nothing. Kneeling, I reach out and touch her hand. It’s ice-cold, but it always is, so I squeeze it hard. She groans and yanks her arm back, muttering something under her breath. I breathe in relief, but anger, disappointment, and hatred wash over me as fast as the ease leaves my lungs. But, like always, I hold it in. I bite my lip and start to scoop her up in my arms. 

Sitting down on the bed beside her, I can see her face in the bright moonlight; the woman I call mom is no longer my mom. There is nothing left of her; not only is she just skin and bones, bruises, and open wounds on her arms, ankles, and between her toes. Her lips are dry, her cheeks hollow, and her skin is more grey than anything else. Never have I seen such a skin color on a living person: cold grey and washed-out yellow. I sighed.

Her memories had faded long ago, and her personality drowned in liquor years before that. The only thing she knew and cared about was her next hit, money, and mumbling shit about my father and monsters. A man I never knew or met.

Usually, when she closed her eyes after a new hit, she would ramble about him until her words slurred and she passed out;

“He is a monster! I saved you. He is a monster! We don’t belong here! A monster!  I saved you! You should thank me! I saved your sorry ass !"