Humorous Sarcastic Quotes Novels & Stories

My mother-in-law, Mabel Grath, always liked me to arrange family trips. But she only transferred a small fraction of the cost. She called it a “deposit.” “I’m just following what you young people do with deposits. It’s not like I’m going to skip out on the rest.” After the trip, however, she never mentioned the rest of the payment again. I did not really mind. I quietly paid out of my own pocket for five-star hotels and luxury meals every time. Then one day, my husband’s sister, Marlene Grath, dropped a sarcastic comment in the family group chat. “Noelle Frost loves playing travel agent with my mom’s retirement money. “For all we know, she’s signing us up for cut-rate shopping tours and skimming the kickbacks.” Mabel replied with a smirking emoji. It seemed she was silently agreeing with her daughter. My heart sank. Over the years, I had taken them on trips all over the country and abroad. I had covered at least 100,000 dollars out of my own pocket. Yet, I still ended up looking like the one taking advantage of them. Mabel transferred four hundred dollars to me again and asked me to arrange a seven-day tour to Erope. So, I went ahead and booked them a one-day farm stay just outside the city.

At the farewell banquet hosted for my wife, Lorraine Ford, who will be getting assigned into a military unit soon, Lieutenant Chester Johnson speaks up in a sarcastic manner. "You really are generous, Hunter. Commander Ford has already given away your transfer slot in the military to her stepbrother, and yet you're still throwing this banquet for her." I find his words ridiculous, to say the least. "That's impossible! My wife hates pulling strings to make things easier! In the past, she didn't even give me the youth transfer slot even though she had one!" Chester sounds more enthusiastic now. "I've personally read the approval report. Commander Ford has already listed Rowan Langley under the family column! Don't you know that she has already taken him in as her younger stepbrother?" I feel as though lightning has struck me on the spot. Then, I turn to look at my parents and Lorraine, who look quite guilty. My parents quickly grab me by the hand. "Rowan comes from a poor background, not to mention he's a widower, too. If he continues staying in this village, he'll be the subject of everyone's gossip for the rest of his life. "Hunter, you're Lorraine's actual husband, so you must be more gracious toward him." At that moment, I feel sharp pain coming from my heart. Fine. I'll be gracious, as per their request. This time, I'll personally give Lorraine away to her beloved Rowan.

Marked by Monsters Genre: Dark Fantasy Romance, Reverse Harem, Academy, Monster Mates I thought I was human. Normal. Boring. Cursed with a gluten allergy and a sarcastic streak. But on my eighteenth birthday, lightning slammed into my chest like a cosmic bitch slap, and I woke up with no memory… and a very illegal ability to shift into a silver and black wolf. That’s when the enforcers came. They called me a threat. A ticking magical bomb. And they threw me into Gravemire Academy, a creepy, ancient school built for supernatural disasters like me. Now I’m the new girl in a school where detention can literally kill you, and every hallway smells like blood, sex, and secrets. Worse? I’m being claimed by four dangerously hot, infuriatingly possessive monster boys who swear I’m their fated mate: 🐺 A broken alpha with murder in his eyes. 🐉 A dragon prince with a sharp tongue and sharper claws. 🧛‍♂️ A vampire who looks at me like I’m his last meal. 😈 And a dream demon who touches me like he already owns my soul. Each kiss makes my magic spiral. Each touch unravels a curse tied to my bloodline. If I kiss the wrong one first… I might doom them all. Oh, and there’s something ancient inside me. Something powerful. Something waking up. I don’t know who I was before Gravemire, but one thing’s clear: I’m not just their mate. I’m the weapon that was never supposed to exist. And I’m done being controlled.

In Chicago's underworld, power is currency and loyalty is bought in blood. Jameson Connelly needs a wife to claim his throne. Catarina Vitale needs an escape from her gilded cage. Their arranged marriage should be simple—a business transaction, nothing more. Except nothing about this is simple. To the world, Catarina is the perfect Italian princess: refined, untouchable, ornamental. The truth is far more dangerous. She's been trained since childhood to wield blades with lethal precision, her family's most lethal weapon hidden behind designer dresses and polite smiles. When Jameson discovers her midnight blade work and weapons collection, all bets are off. He's grumpy, commanding, and impossibly sexy—everything she shouldn't want. She's lethal, sarcastic, and hiding secrets that could shatter his world. The attraction between them is instantaneous and absolutely forbidden. But their marriage has painted targets on both families' backs. Rival factions circle like sharks, and assassination attempts multiply as quickly as the stolen glances between newlyweds. When Jameson's uncle emerges as a threat from within, Cat must decide how far she'll go to protect the man she's sworn to resent. And Jameson must choose between the empire he's always wanted and the woman he never expected to need. In a world where trust is weakness and love is a liability, they'll have to forge something stronger than steel to survive. A gritty slow-burn mafia romance featuring grumpy meets curvy, sharp banter, dangerous secrets, and the kind of tension that burns hotter than any fire.

Aria Dever is used to being invisible. Brilliant, reserved, and fiercely independent, she hides in the school library to escape high school drama and people like Adrian Cole, the cocky captain of the basketball team. But one accidental text—a private photo meant for her long-distance boyfriend lands in Adrian’s hands, pulling her into his chaotic world. Adrian is everything Aria has learned to avoid: arrogant, charismatic, and impossibly handsome. But beneath the golden-boy façade lies a dangerous secret—he’s a werewolf, bound by pack loyalties and a hidden bloodline. When Adrian fails a critical test, he corners Aria with a deal: tutor him until finals, or risk the photo leaking. Furious and trapped, she agrees. What starts as sarcastic banter and forced proximity soon spirals into something neither of them can ignore. But high school politics, a jealous cheerleader, and a charming new transfer student with his own secrets threaten to tear them apart. As Aria discovers Adrian’s supernatural nature, she realizes she’s immune to his powers—and part of a prophecy that could change everything. When the state basketball championship becomes a battlefield for both victory and revenge, Aria is kidnapped in a scheme orchestrated by her greatest tormentor. Adrian will stop at nothing to save her, even if it means risking everything. In a world where loyalty, love, and pack bonds collide, Aria and Adrian must confront enemies, rivals, and their own hearts. Can a nerdy bookworm and the golden-boy werewolf survive high school, sports rivalries, and supernatural danger—and come out stronger, together?

On our wedding anniversary, I canceled all my meetings and made a reservation at a restaurant. That evening, my wife, the renowned investigative journalist Amaya Shaw, called me. “Efim, I’m sorry! I just received a tip from a source. It’s urgent. “It involves inside information about a well-known company. I have to go verify it immediately!” But the next day, I saw that Javor Furey, the junior she had brought along, had posted a collage on his social media. The central photo showed Amaya wearing a childish birthday hat. Her head was pressed against Javor’s, as they made a wish together in front of a cake covered in candles. This was the caption. [Thanks, my dear Ms. Shaw! Even in the midst of her busy schedule chasing big stories, she remembered to give me this surprise birthday!] [Chasing big stories.] I stared at those three words. Then, I glanced at the limited-edition bag on our dining table. It was the one she had been raving about for half a year. It was the anniversary gift I had prepared for her. I felt absurd. I commented just two words under that post. [How touching.] Her call came in almost the second I hit send. She sounded furious. “Efim, do you have to be so sarcastic? “It’s just an anniversary. How old are you? Why are you still celebrating such childish anniversaries?” From our first year of marriage to the present, her “tip-offs from informants” and “special circumstances” always took precedence over our promises. This time, she could not even be bothered to come up with a plausible excuse. I did not say anything. I hung up and blocked her number. This marriage was over.

LUNA ADELINE SOLACE has three goals in life: Avoid drama. Stay unnoticed. And never—under any circumstances—fall in love. So when a human boy kneels in front of her and proposes in the middle of a crowded café, Luna does what any sensible girl would do… She runs for her life. Unfortunately, she runs straight into the forbidden forest— and into the arms of ALPHA KAELEN VRYNN, the cold, terrifyingly gorgeous, and annoyingly bossy leader of the most powerful werewolf pack in the realm. The moment their eyes meet, Kaelen freezes. His wolf bows. His first words? “Please marry me.” Luna, confused and very much done with the universe, throws a rock at him. But fate doesn’t care about her resistance. Because Luna isn’t human. Kaelen, her fated mate, refuses to let that happen. What follows is chaos, comedy, and a war written in moon fire— a jealous Alpha trying (and failing) to act normal, a sarcastic heroine who would rather fight monsters than admit she’s falling in love, and a prophecy that whispers a terrifying truth: “Their union will awaken an ancient monster.” As Luna’s forgotten past resurfaces —her murdered parents, her stolen crown, and the night Kaelen found her as a child— the bond between them deepens into something powerful, dangerous… and irreversible. But when Luna must choose between her mate’s life and her kingdom’s survival, destiny demands a price neither of them are ready to pay. In a realm of magic, betrayal, and impossible love, one thing is certain— He will burn the world to protect her.

Melody has been waiting for her 18th birthday for 8 long years, since losing her parents in the rogue wars. She couldn't wait to get her wolf, find her fated mate and not feel alone in the world and her pack anymore. When the day finally comes and a misunderstanding causes her mate to reject her, she flees the pack and builds herself a new life far away, only to be brought face to face with the mate who rejected her at a biannual tournament they are both competing in. Melody can't get over the hurt of rejection and considers a chosen mate to try to help ease her wolfs suffering, and finds herself in a love triangle that she isnt even sure she wants any part of. The pull of the mate bond is hard to resist, and her wolf and her body push her towards her fated mate, but her mind and her need to protect her heart pull her towards the safe and dependable option. Both men use the tournament as a way to try to best eachother and prove their worth, fighting for the highest place on the leaderboard. Love rivalries and unexpected allies only make matters worse for Melody as she has to contend with one of her highschool bullies and a sarcastic, underhanded beta who thrives on the drama her life has become. Meanwhile two Alphas pulling the strings behind the scenes put Melody in an unexpected life threatening situation and she knows the only person she has ever truly been able to rely on is herself. What she doesnt expect is for the moon goddess to intervene and change her fate, but is her new destiny any better than what she ran from in the first place?

Riley Miller, the girl of a strong colorful imagination and a crazy wish list, never thought that her wishes for something different and an exciting dramatic life along with some romance would come really come true. She was a crazy girl full of life, and adventure. She was the life of the party, leaving an impact and catching eyes of the people everywhere she went. Her charming and entertaining personality, bubbly aura, and sarcastic comebacks never failed to leave everyone in awe. Then again, she also never thought a cocky Alpha, previously stalker, would become her roommate, make her fall for him and give her all she’d ever wish for. Supernatural stuff, drama, excitement, action and adventure, and hot dudes. Mix in a couple of best friends, a psychotic ex, a traitor, superpowers and the enemy that has been hunting since the last hundred years for his revenge and you’re bound to get a venturesome life. Which is all she wants. Hunter Axel Knight, God of Werewolves also known as The Chosen One, the most powerful werewolf to ever exist has longed for his mate since decades, centuries even. So when he finally encounters his mate, he is the happiest man alive and vows to do everything for her safety and happiness. She was a human but he couldn’t care less. Learning about his mate’s desire and wishes, he disguises himself as an ordinary man in hopes to make her fall for him and then revealing himself and his world to her. But when secrets are revealed, mysteries are solved, and people are exposed, things may not be as they seem. After all, what we see from our eyes is not always the truth. ~My Socials ~ Fb : https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100069959992913 Instagram : @_maia_june_

Matt had been gifted something that had only been of legend. something so beautiful and dangerous. he knows what has to be done is his destiny but will he handle the chaos that will ensue with this blessing, or will it all go to shit? *snippet* “What the fuck Chloe,” he ground out, “I'm not leaving until I have answers, you can't expect me to just let it go when you're thin as hell and covered in bruises,” He shouted in her face. “No, fuck you, you can't just come into my life, turn into that... that creature and expect to know my life story,” Chloe said stubbornly, folding her arms in front of her chest and turning away. “Im not asking for that, I just need to know who did this to you,” “You,” She turned on her hill, poking Matt in the chest, “Don't need to know anything,” She glared, Matt snatching her wrist and pulling her to him. “Why do you have to be so difficult?” he asked, his features softening. “Why do you have to be a mythical creature that's not supposed to exist,” “Ouch,” Niki muttered behind Matt in a sarcastic tone, folding her arms. “What?” Chloe snapped at her, regretting it instantly. “You're not supposed to exist either,” She said calmly. “What's that supposed to mean?” she asked, getting frustrated, her anger at the situation boiling inside her. “Its a long story, Matt can tell you,” Niki said, turning and walking away. “Come on, I'll explain everything,” Matt gestured for Chloe to follow, which she reluctantly did.