Humorous Sarcastic Quotes Novels & Stories

In Chicago's underworld, power is currency and loyalty is bought in blood. Jameson Connelly needs a wife to claim his throne. Catarina Vitale needs an escape from her gilded cage. Their arranged marriage should be simple—a business transaction, nothing more. Except nothing about this is simple. To the world, Catarina is the perfect Italian princess: refined, untouchable, ornamental. The truth is far more dangerous. She's been trained since childhood to wield blades with lethal precision, her family's most lethal weapon hidden behind designer dresses and polite smiles. When Jameson discovers her midnight blade work and weapons collection, all bets are off. He's grumpy, commanding, and impossibly sexy—everything she shouldn't want. She's lethal, sarcastic, and hiding secrets that could shatter his world. The attraction between them is instantaneous and absolutely forbidden. But their marriage has painted targets on both families' backs. Rival factions circle like sharks, and assassination attempts multiply as quickly as the stolen glances between newlyweds. When Jameson's uncle emerges as a threat from within, Cat must decide how far she'll go to protect the man she's sworn to resent. And Jameson must choose between the empire he's always wanted and the woman he never expected to need. In a world where trust is weakness and love is a liability, they'll have to forge something stronger than steel to survive. A gritty slow-burn mafia romance featuring grumpy meets curvy, sharp banter, dangerous secrets, and the kind of tension that burns hotter than any fire.

On our wedding anniversary, I canceled all my meetings and made a reservation at a restaurant. That evening, my wife, the renowned investigative journalist Amaya Shaw, called me. “Efim, I’m sorry! I just received a tip from a source. It’s urgent. “It involves inside information about a well-known company. I have to go verify it immediately!” But the next day, I saw that Javor Furey, the junior she had brought along, had posted a collage on his social media. The central photo showed Amaya wearing a childish birthday hat. Her head was pressed against Javor’s, as they made a wish together in front of a cake covered in candles. This was the caption. [Thanks, my dear Ms. Shaw! Even in the midst of her busy schedule chasing big stories, she remembered to give me this surprise birthday!] [Chasing big stories.] I stared at those three words. Then, I glanced at the limited-edition bag on our dining table. It was the one she had been raving about for half a year. It was the anniversary gift I had prepared for her. I felt absurd. I commented just two words under that post. [How touching.] Her call came in almost the second I hit send. She sounded furious. “Efim, do you have to be so sarcastic? “It’s just an anniversary. How old are you? Why are you still celebrating such childish anniversaries?” From our first year of marriage to the present, her “tip-offs from informants” and “special circumstances” always took precedence over our promises. This time, she could not even be bothered to come up with a plausible excuse. I did not say anything. I hung up and blocked her number. This marriage was over.

LUNA ADELINE SOLACE has three goals in life: Avoid drama. Stay unnoticed. And never—under any circumstances—fall in love. So when a human boy kneels in front of her and proposes in the middle of a crowded café, Luna does what any sensible girl would do… She runs for her life. Unfortunately, she runs straight into the forbidden forest— and into the arms of ALPHA KAELEN VRYNN, the cold, terrifyingly gorgeous, and annoyingly bossy leader of the most powerful werewolf pack in the realm. The moment their eyes meet, Kaelen freezes. His wolf bows. His first words? “Please marry me.” Luna, confused and very much done with the universe, throws a rock at him. But fate doesn’t care about her resistance. Because Luna isn’t human. Kaelen, her fated mate, refuses to let that happen. What follows is chaos, comedy, and a war written in moon fire— a jealous Alpha trying (and failing) to act normal, a sarcastic heroine who would rather fight monsters than admit she’s falling in love, and a prophecy that whispers a terrifying truth: “Their union will awaken an ancient monster.” As Luna’s forgotten past resurfaces —her murdered parents, her stolen crown, and the night Kaelen found her as a child— the bond between them deepens into something powerful, dangerous… and irreversible. But when Luna must choose between her mate’s life and her kingdom’s survival, destiny demands a price neither of them are ready to pay. In a realm of magic, betrayal, and impossible love, one thing is certain— He will burn the world to protect her.

Melody has been waiting for her 18th birthday for 8 long years, since losing her parents in the rogue wars. She couldn't wait to get her wolf, find her fated mate and not feel alone in the world and her pack anymore. When the day finally comes and a misunderstanding causes her mate to reject her, she flees the pack and builds herself a new life far away, only to be brought face to face with the mate who rejected her at a biannual tournament they are both competing in. Melody can't get over the hurt of rejection and considers a chosen mate to try to help ease her wolfs suffering, and finds herself in a love triangle that she isnt even sure she wants any part of. The pull of the mate bond is hard to resist, and her wolf and her body push her towards her fated mate, but her mind and her need to protect her heart pull her towards the safe and dependable option. Both men use the tournament as a way to try to best eachother and prove their worth, fighting for the highest place on the leaderboard. Love rivalries and unexpected allies only make matters worse for Melody as she has to contend with one of her highschool bullies and a sarcastic, underhanded beta who thrives on the drama her life has become. Meanwhile two Alphas pulling the strings behind the scenes put Melody in an unexpected life threatening situation and she knows the only person she has ever truly been able to rely on is herself. What she doesnt expect is for the moon goddess to intervene and change her fate, but is her new destiny any better than what she ran from in the first place?

Riley Miller, the girl of a strong colorful imagination and a crazy wish list, never thought that her wishes for something different and an exciting dramatic life along with some romance would come really come true. She was a crazy girl full of life, and adventure. She was the life of the party, leaving an impact and catching eyes of the people everywhere she went. Her charming and entertaining personality, bubbly aura, and sarcastic comebacks never failed to leave everyone in awe. Then again, she also never thought a cocky Alpha, previously stalker, would become her roommate, make her fall for him and give her all she’d ever wish for. Supernatural stuff, drama, excitement, action and adventure, and hot dudes. Mix in a couple of best friends, a psychotic ex, a traitor, superpowers and the enemy that has been hunting since the last hundred years for his revenge and you’re bound to get a venturesome life. Which is all she wants. Hunter Axel Knight, God of Werewolves also known as The Chosen One, the most powerful werewolf to ever exist has longed for his mate since decades, centuries even. So when he finally encounters his mate, he is the happiest man alive and vows to do everything for her safety and happiness. She was a human but he couldn’t care less. Learning about his mate’s desire and wishes, he disguises himself as an ordinary man in hopes to make her fall for him and then revealing himself and his world to her. But when secrets are revealed, mysteries are solved, and people are exposed, things may not be as they seem. After all, what we see from our eyes is not always the truth. ~My Socials ~ Fb : https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100069959992913 Instagram : @_maia_june_

Matt had been gifted something that had only been of legend. something so beautiful and dangerous. he knows what has to be done is his destiny but will he handle the chaos that will ensue with this blessing, or will it all go to shit? *snippet* “What the fuck Chloe,” he ground out, “I'm not leaving until I have answers, you can't expect me to just let it go when you're thin as hell and covered in bruises,” He shouted in her face. “No, fuck you, you can't just come into my life, turn into that... that creature and expect to know my life story,” Chloe said stubbornly, folding her arms in front of her chest and turning away. “Im not asking for that, I just need to know who did this to you,” “You,” She turned on her hill, poking Matt in the chest, “Don't need to know anything,” She glared, Matt snatching her wrist and pulling her to him. “Why do you have to be so difficult?” he asked, his features softening. “Why do you have to be a mythical creature that's not supposed to exist,” “Ouch,” Niki muttered behind Matt in a sarcastic tone, folding her arms. “What?” Chloe snapped at her, regretting it instantly. “You're not supposed to exist either,” She said calmly. “What's that supposed to mean?” she asked, getting frustrated, her anger at the situation boiling inside her. “Its a long story, Matt can tell you,” Niki said, turning and walking away. “Come on, I'll explain everything,” Matt gestured for Chloe to follow, which she reluctantly did.

Alenya Vale has always been ordinary, or so she thought. Soft, curvy, and painfully underestimated, she never imagined that her human life was hiding a deadly secret. The truth? Alenya carries Null Blood, an ancient, extinct power that can erase magic on contact. Curses unravel at her touch, alpha commands bounce off her like sunlight, and even the most violent god fragments falter in her presence. To the supernatural world, she’s priceless. To the gods, she’s a threat. Thane Raelthorn is the heir of the most powerful wolf clan in Vaelora, and a demi-god slowly being consumed from within by a god fragment. His magic rages uncontrollably, destroying everything he touches, and every mate who comes near him suffers. Until the night he collapses at Alenya’s feet. The moment she touches him, the madness stops. For the first time in years, the wolf-born prince can breathe, think, and feel. Only she can silence the divine parasite clawing at his soul. Thrown into a world of wolf clans, arcane houses, and divine ruins, Alenya must navigate a realm that suddenly sees her as both savior and target. Assassins, jealous she-wolves, and monstrous god fragments are hunting her, and Thane will do anything to keep her alive. Soft and sarcastic, underestimated and overlooked, Alenya is more than she appears and her curves hold the power to topple gods and change destiny itself. Thane is more than he appears too, brutal, beautiful, and on the edge of madness, he is hers, whether she wants him or not. Fated mates. Dangerous magic. Divine predators. Only together can they survive a world that wants them dead and a destiny that wants them united.

NOT FOR READERS UNDER THE AGE OF 16. "As if." I scoffed looking around, my eyes was starting to hurt from how much sex I'm seeing. My jaw almost dropped at what those douchebags are doing over there. "Light, camera, action!!" the producer said and I shook my head in disbelief, three omegas were on top of a pack member I recognize all too well, he's one of Adams' friends, they were having a foursome in front of so many people, and the camera, are they going to sell or upload the video? "Neither, they are going to send it to the pack members who want it," Charlie replied to my unsaid question looking at me warily. "What a very amazing pack this is," I said sarcastically. "Well, she's all yours. This is where you belong," he threw a smirk in my direction and I rolled my eyes at him "show her around and make her feel at home." Jack beamed shaking her ass once again. "Make sure you stop by again." Charlie said biting her index finger and I started at her in disgust. "Follow me." She instructed leading the way and swaying her hips from side to side shaking her ass, her butt was jiggling so much I was concerned if it would fall off, I wonder how many men have fucked and touched her. "Exactly one hundred and twenty-three men." She replied nonchalantly and my jaw dropped. “This is your life now!” She smirked throwing her head back to look at me, a let out sarcastic laughter knowing fully well I'd rather die!! The day I get my full strength back, that day, I will make Alpha Mayers pay with his life.

When one of the Fallen fall in love with a werewolf and have a special child that needed to be protected. Choosing to leave her pack behind Lizzy's Mother, Helena hid among the humans, in a small town. Lizzy's father loved them from a distance to keep them safe from those who may want to use Lizzy's gifts. Being the only female born to among the Fallen makes her special. Early on Helena noticed Lizzy develop gifts that were getting them noticed. When Helena is killed, Lizzy finds herself alone in the care system having deciding to shut down and stop talking she finds herself in the Mental hospital. Lizzy is alone until her wolf wakes and starts to talk to her. Finding this a lot to process Lizzy try's to ignore her wolf until she cant anymore. Arrow and Aries, twin Alpha heirs of Ruby Mountain Pack, always knew they would share a mate. What they weren't prepared for was the blunt and unfiltered Lizzy, who knows nothing about the world of the supernatural's she finds herself now thrown into. Being seriously stubborn and defiant Lizzy refuses to accept them as her mate's. Feeling confused about why her body keeps reacting to the two arrogant Alphas. Having a lot to deal with from the Pack's mean girls staking a claim on the Alphas who claim to be hers, to unintentionally putting herself in danger. Feeling overwhelmed with everything changing she finds herself wishing she was back in the tiny room back in the Hospital. Can the twin Alphas win the heart of their mate? Will the stubborn Lizzy give in and listen to her Mates? Or will she decide her own fate? All this on top of having to deal with her seriously sarcastic and horny wolf.

SIX-PACK SERIES BOOK ONE *The six-pack series is a collection of steamy werewolf shifter novels about a group of six aligned werewolf packs, the young alphas that run them, and the strong-willed women that bring them to their knees. If you're new to the series, start here!* GRAY : I've got a lot on my plate. Not only do I have a pack to protect, but I keep the whole six-pack territory secure by training and running the security squad. The new recruits are here for the summer, and it's my job to whip them into shape. I can't afford any distractions, but one of the female recruits is doing just that- distracting me. Fallon is the most frustrating girl I've ever met; she's all alpha female, and she openly challenges my authority. She's so far from my type, but for some reason, I'm drawn to her. It'll be a challenge to break her, but by the end of the summer, she will learn to obey her alpha. By the end of the summer, I'll have her on her knees. ~ FALLON : All I've ever wanted was to be part of the six-pack's security squad, defending our territory as a fighter. I've finally got a chance to live out my dream- all I have to do is make it through summer training camp and prove myself. I thought that the toughest part of training camp would be the actual training, but the alpha running the place is even tougher. One sarcastic comment, and Alpha Gray seems hellbent on making an example out of me, provoking me at every opportunity. He wants me to fall in line, but I'll be damned if I'm going to roll over. Sure, he's insanely hot. He's an alpha. But I'm not backing down. He's not my alpha.